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[Why Watch This] Final Holiday Edition: The Shop Around the Corner

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Merry Christmas! Now shut up and watch this. You’re welcome.

Check out more great classic movie suggestions from Why Watch This

The Shop Around the Corner, 1940, will forever have the unfortunate distinction of being known as “the movie that You Got Mail was based on.” Ok, maybe I shouldn’t use the word “unfortunate,” sorry Eric. I mean, sure, Meg Ryan, Tom Hanks, America Online. Those are 3 things I fear that some of my 22 year old co-workers wouldn’t know if I said the words out loud. It’s like when I brought up Tony Danza and they just looked at me with a blank stare. Tony Danza?!? Nothing. How can you live in a world where you don’t know who Tony Danza is?

xmasAnyway, The Shop Around the Corner is my favorite holiday movie. Yes, it is even better than Die Hard, I promise you. The story centers around a gift shop in Budapest. Jimmy Stewart is Kralik, the head clerk of a little group of characters. His grumpy boss, played by Frank Morgan (who played The Wizard), hires Clara, played by Margaret Sullivan. Clarbickeringa and Kralik don’t hit it off and verbally spar. We then find out, independently, that they both have secret pen pals, and-surprise! Their pen pals are each other.

As we get closer to Christmas, the two pen pals want to meet each other. Kralik discovers his pen pal is Clara and chickens out. There are some other plots inside the shop going on, involving the owner, his wife and another clerk. Everything of course goes awry, people are mean to each other, Kralik loses his job and feels unworthy of Clara. Fortunately, everythindiscoveryg is put back together in a very satisfying way.

The Shop Around the Corner was directed by Ernst Lubitsch, the German born director famous for what is called “The Lubitsch Touch.” In my mind, I had attributed several movies to Lubitsch but I just discovered, thanks Wikipedia, that I’ve only ever seen one other Lubitsch movie, Trouble in Paradise, an equally charming movie from the 1930s.

So what, you may ask, is “The Lubitsch Touch?” In this movie I think it is the heart, the little touches that are windows into the depths or our characters. It is the vulnerability we see in the grumpy shop owner matushekwhen he confirms that his wife is cheating on him. It is the way the characters come together to help the owner at the end. It is the spirit of community and family, whether the ones you are born with or the ones you make. That feeling of Christmas I’ve always found the most meaningful, taking your stock boy to the best dinner he’s ever had because he is away from his family, or Pirovitch, the Jewish clerk, talking about his family in his small little apartment and how he can’t wait to go home to “Mama.” In this movie, to me, this is the Lubitsch touch. You want to work for Matuschek and Company and sell those stupid cigarette cases, or at the very least shop there. It is everything that You’ve Got Mail is missing, as that movie focuses entirely on the two pen pals, and forgets the worlds they live in and the people who occupy those worlds.shop workers

This morning, before writing this, I decided to use my friend Google to find out what is the technical definition of “The Lubitsch Touch.” Turns out it was a marketing scheme back in the day developed by the studios to promote Mr. Lubitsch who was new to America. That was a little disappointing. However, I think everyone agrees that Mr. Lubitsch does have a touch, and it’s all over the place in the 2 whole movies of his that I have seen. So watch this movie, dammit. Set your DVRs, TCM is showing it on Christmas Eve.

[Why Watch This?] Holiday Edition Part VI: Christmas Vacation

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It’s Christmas eve- and some of you may be stuck with your families and hating life. Well- if you are- then all you need to do is repeat after me “It could be worse. We could be Griswolds”

I think everyone of a certain age has a very particular opinion about what is the best Vacation movie. Me? European Vacation. All. The. Way. “Look kids! Big Ben! Parliament!” Who doesn’t love that? I mean, let’s be real here, the whole point of any 80s movie is the quotable lines. This is why my favorite commercial of ALL time is the Old Navy “European Rusty” Christmas commercial. Love it. He’s in the beret. He’s in the beret!!! Yes, maybe you have to be 40 to get it, but I’m 40 so shut up. My second favorite is probably Christmas Vacation, and hurray! It fits with our theme here, so here is my three paragraph argument as to why you should watch Christmas Vacation.

crazy faceThe thing you wait for in all Vacation movies is when Chevy Chase as Clark Griswold loses his shit. All of Clark’s carefully laid plans fail in spectacular fashion during the course of the movie, but usually there is that one moment where he can’t hold it together anymore and he loses it in a big explosion of profanity. The premise of Christmas Vacation is that the Griswold’s aren’t dinnergoing on vacation at all, they are creating the good old fashioned family Christmas at home and inviting all the various relatives that come with it. The family bickers, Cousin Eddie shows up unannounced (played with gleeful revoltingness by Randy Quaid). Clark has many whacky scenes setting up an extreme light display on the exterior of his house, much to the derision of their yuppie neighbors. Ah, yuppies, remember them? One of them is played by Julia Louis Dreyfus! They go into the woods and dig up a tree (Clark eddieforgets the saw).

This is all leading up to the big dinner when everything really falls apart. The ancient cousins and aunts and uncles show up. One of them is a little senile and wraps her cat and her Jell-O mold as presents. Now, things start going off the rails. Turns out there is a squirrel in the tree they dug up, the discovery of said squirrel causes much chaos and destruction. Aunt Bethany’s cat decided to chew on the Christmas tree lights and electrocutes itself. And Clark keeps chugging along, until he discovers that the Christmas bonus he had been expecting to use to install a pool, turns out to be the jelly of the month club. Outburst ensues which inspires Cousin Eddie tocat go kidnap Clark’s boss, and well, I’ll skip to the end, everything turns out OK!  (After an explosion in the storm drains due to Cousin Eddie dumping his chemical toilet in the gutter. But it’s ok, because it launches the plastic Santa and his sleigh from the Griswold roof through the sky, almost as if it were the real Santa) Hurray! Clark is a family hero.

bonusOK, so yeah, it’s a pretty stupid movie. But an awesome stupid movie. This isn’t my favorite version of Chevy Chase, I always preferred his wise-cracking trouble making ala Fletch, but it’s hard not to laugh at him as Clark. He gets that wide eyed look and you know you’re in trouble. I’m sure everybody has that guy in their family, the crazy idea guy, the family bonding guy, the let’s all buy matching berets and take our picture on the Eiffel Tower guy. But we love them anyway, right? Sure we do! It’s the standing around while shaking our heads as everything falls apart that brings us closer together.mug

 

By the way…last minute gift? These are available on Amazon!!

[Why Watch This?] Holiday Edition Part V: Die Hard

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It’s Christmas eve!  Aren’t you glad you’re not at some terrible 80’s LA office party filled with drugs and terrorists and feathered hair and a totally hunky undershirt wearing Bruce Willis? No? Well- you can visit that magical world by watching this all time great holiday classic.

athertonWilliam Atherton was the ultimate guy you wanted to punch in the face in the ‘80s. In Die Hard, 1988, the whole movie is John McClane vs. anyone who disagrees with John McClane. And this movie was at the cusp of Bush I, not even Bush II, I know, weird! I love how the press and the FBI are portrayed in equally unflattering ways as the terrorists in this movie. This is, of course when terrorists were just a motley group of long haired Germans who want money, and not the Terrorists they are today. Yes, Virginia, there was a time when terrorists were white and had hair the color of spun gold. And yes, I know one of them in this movie is African American, I’m making a point here! Geez.terrorists

Do I have to explain the plot? Ok, John McClane is a New York cop. His wife, Holly, played by Bonnie Bedalia, has moved to LA for a career opportunity with their children. John is arriving in LA to visit for thpartye holidays, and is meeting Holly at her office. Things are weird between the two of them, we learn. Anyway, John gets to the office, an office party is going on, awkwardness, awkwardness, John goes into Holly’s office to conveniently take of his shirt and shoes and clean up. While his shirt and shoes are off, kablamoo! Gun shots, the office party is being taken over by terrorists! John quickly escapes the office before he is discovered, in just his bare feet and undershirt. Get it? He’s just in his undershirt and bare feet.bruce

Cat and mousrege ensues throughout the, still under construction, high rise. People are killed, things are said. One of those is: “Yippe-ki-yay mother fucker.” John befriends Sgt. Al Powell (played by Reginald VelJohnson, who later would go on to be Erkel’s foil in “Family Matters”) via walkie talkie. Al’s wife is pregnant and he hates guns cause he shot a kid. Doesn’t matter, though, because like all good ‘80s movies, it’s Al and John as the regular Joe’s vs. the FBI, the LAPD, a stern faced Paul Gleason, the terrorists, the press, the world. It must have been so hard to be a manager in the ‘80s because all of your employees thought they were infinitely smarter than you. Assholes. What’s worse is that they were! Dammit.

santaAnyway, the only person dressed as Santa in this one is a dead terrorist, but other than that, it still gets you in the mood for the Holidays. Right? Drunken office parties that go horribly awry? Check. The boss you sort of like and also sort of hate until he gets shot in the head by a German terrorist because he won’t give him the code to the safe and then you feel bad? Check. Bruce Willis in all of his ‘80s swashbuckling charm? Check and check. Exploding helicopters, people falling out of high rise windows in slow motion, stunts that are improbable at worst and totally awesome at best? Merry Fucking Christmas!stunt

 

[Why Watch This?] Holiday Edition Part IV: The Thin Man

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It’s Christmas eve! Why not celebrate with a classic movie marathon? Well, maybe because your family is in town and they’d rather watch crap- but you can learn ’em good by just following our Why Watch This recommendations of classic Christmas movies.

If you’ve ever wondered from where all the plots, devices, and themes in just about every murder mystery made after 1934 were derived, here is your source. It is like finding the source of the Nile, elusive yet obvious, and for most, not worth—gasp—watching a black and white movie to see. Yes, a whole back and white movie. I’m going to present my argument here for why you should watch a whole black and white movie.

And it’s not just murder mysteries that can count The Thin Man and subsequent sequels as grandfather, it’s any sort of wise-cracking rom-com or any movie with a dog, or really anything that has been made since 1934, trust me. Nick and Nora, sound familiar? It should, and this is wheropeninge it all started.

Forget drunk Santas, in The Thin Man, everyone is drunk and loving it! When first we meet Nick, the ex-cop married to an heiress, he is at the hotel bar lining up the martinis. Soon he is joined by Nora, his wife, dragged into the bar by their loveable pooch Asta. The Charles’ are in New York for Christmas, who knows why, they are rich and living it up. Nora lines up the martinis to catch up to Nick, that’s what makes her such a great wife, you see. She’s rich and she participates in Nick’s bad behavior.

The only thing that’s kind of annoying about NorMyrnaa is her obsession with crime and investigation. When an old friend finds them and asks Nick to find her father who seems to have disappeared, Nick is hesitant, but Nora is all over it and pushes him in head first. The ensuing action is Nick solving the disappearance of “The Thin Man” while dodging Nora at every step. He’s dodging her to “protect her” which isn’t patronizing at all. Even for the ’30s. The whole thing culminates at a dinner party (!) where all the suspects are invited. Nick sits at the head of the table asking questions until someone trips up, and bang! Fingers pointed, accusations made, crime solved!

But seriously, why in the heck wouldn’t you want to watch this movie? The chemistry between William Powell (Nick Charles) and Myrna Loy (Nora Charles) is sparkling. It’s no joke, Hollywood recognized it too, they went on to make 14 movies together, not all of them in the Thin Man oeuvre (though 6 Myrna and Bill TM all  were). It’s charming, they drink like a couple of fishes on New Year’s Eve (wait, that’s the sequel! Ha! Literally 1 person just got my joke, thanks honey!).

A few years ago we went to a screening of The Thin Man at The Silent Movie Theatre (name drop) in Hollywood (name drop) and young people were there and everything. They even enjoyed themselves, and not just because they were serving dirty martinis. So, pour yourself one and check this one out. I’m almost pretty positive you won’t regret it.

[Why Watch This?] Holiday Edition Part III: Scrooged

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It’s Christmas time! Time to revisit our Why Watch This list of all time great holiday movies! Never seen these- this is your chance to catch up on some classics.

Watching Scrooged, 1988, you want to believe that every word, every weird little quirk and voice, is spontaneously coming from Bill Murray’s mouth. Back then, before he became Oscar nominated Bill Murray, he was ex-SNL alum Bill Murray and he was like that. Whether it was true or not, and some Scrooged setreports seem like it was partially true, it felt like he was making it all up on the spot and he was some sort of comic genius. Which is true at least, he was/is some sort of comic genius and if you don’t agree with me because you’re judging Zissou, then I challenge you to go back and watch Scrooged. And Ghostbusters, but that’s not a Holiday movie.

Scrooged is A Christmas Carol updated to the career driven corporate greed era of 1988. Murray plays Frank Cross, an imperious, over aggressive and overdramatic TV executive. His network is planning a live broadcast of A Christmas Carol, starring Mary Lou Retton as Tiny Tim, Buddy Hackett as Scrooge, there are Solid Gold Dancers in skimpy outfits, it’s a grand spectacle by design. LeeS bm 1 Majors stars in a particularly violent trailer for the event that causes one old lady watching to have a heart attack, to which Frank Cross clee majorsrows, “That’s fantastic, you can’t buy publicity like that!”

So yes, Frank’s got some lessons to learn. They are introduced to him via the ghost of Lew Hayward, the TV executive that had taken Frank under his wing early in his career, who is now a decaying golf playing, drink swilling ghost. In between increasing funny and ridiculous scenes of Frank interacting with the world, and reacting to his supernatural visits, three ghosts come to him and do the whole, past, present, future thing. What unfolds is parallel to the rehearsing of the Christmas Carol broadcast as the action manifests in the real world for Frank Cross.

Buster Poindexter is the Ghost of Christmas past disguised as a cabbie who takes him back to Christmas Eve of his childhood, receiving lamb chops from his butcher father (played by Bill Murray’s real life brother, Brian Doyle Murrabustery), seeing his Mom, getting all teary (“Niagara Falls, Johnny Angel, Niagara Falls.” Best line in the movie!). My only complaint is Carol Kane as Ghost of Christmas Present is a little too over the top which is saying something in this movie where everyone is operating at an 11.

All the craziness ccarol Kaneulminates in the inevitable live broadcast being taken over by Frank Cross. He delivers a speech that makes us wonder again if Murray is off-script, for it’s lack of cohesiveness more than anything. Lessons are learned, relationships are rebuilt, life is reaffirmed, as it should be in a good Holiday Movie. And, as a bonus, there is lots of comedy gold in Scrooged. I mean Bobcat Goldthwait is in it. Bobcat fucking Goldthwait! And, I challenge you not to get a little choked up yourself at the end when little Calvin, the son of Frank’s assisbobcattant Grace, provides the Tiny Tim moment in the real life action. It’s farce with a heart and a great sing-a-long at the end. Holiday movie gold!

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[Why Watch This?] Holiday Edition Part II: Trading Places

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It’s Christmas time! Time to revisit our Why Watch This list of all time great holiday movies! Never seen these- this is your chance to catch up on some classics.

Watching Trading Places in 2013 makes 1983 seemindex like it was 150 years ago instead of only 30. And it’s not that I believe that some of the racial attitudes and stereotypes aren’t still hidden away in the hearts and minds of those of us living in 2013, it’s more about how upfront they are about it. Nowadays, we are much more subversive when we are racist. We are all so self-aware about how we are perceived by everyone that it is hard to imagine a movie like Trading Places happening now. But what makes Trading Places a terrific movie, and why I can watch it every single time it is on, is not the plot, or the lessons that can be learned by the characters, it’s the little moments, the glances or lines, that expose the world and endear the characters. And make you laugh, oh boy do they make you laugh.

The plot is simple: Brothers Randolph and Mortimer Duke (played by Don Ameche and Ralph Bellamy) rule the commodities market. Their firm in Philadelphia has been around for decades and is the epitome of white upper class honkeyism. Dan Ackroyd plays Louis Winthorpe. Louis manages he Duke firm, lives in a Duke owned brownstone, and is engaged to the Duke’s debutante niece Penelope. TP EmRandolph likes to read Scientific American when they are sitting in their leather easy chairs within the dark wood paneled walls of their club, and he has a theory about the whole “nature vs. nurture” debate. After their club is inadvertently interrupted by Billy Ray Valentine, played by Eddie Murphy, being chased by the police, the brothers concoct a bet. Randolph believes that if you take anyone off of the street (aka Billy Ray) and give them the life and opportunity as someone like Louis, then he will rise to the occasion and thrive. Conversely, if you take away the life and opportunity from someone like Louis then he will descend into crime and end up on the streets.

The brothers put their experiment in motion and give Billy Ray Louis’ life while at the same time discrediting Louis and TP DAkicking him to the street. Randolph ends up being right, Billy Ray understands the commodities market almost instantly (“You’re just a coupla bookies!” He exclaims and Randolph nods knowingly). Louis, after enlisting the help of prostitute Ophelia, played by Jamie Lee Curtis, descends quickly and ultimately ends up threatening everyone at the Duke firm’s Christmas party with a gun while drunk (and dressed as Santa! See, drunken Santas are the key to all good Holiday movies!). Randolph wins the bet, and while collecting his winnings ($1! “The usual amount”), he and Mortimer sum up their scheme in the bathroom while being overheard by Billy Ray.

Billy Ray is horrified to hear what has happened, as we all are to hear Mortimer TP santaexclaim, “Do you think I would have a (insert N word here) run our firm?” He seeks out Louis, tells him what has happened and the two plot a revenge scheme that involves trains, Jim Belushi in a gorilla suit, Dan Ackroyd in blackface, and Jamie Lee Curtis in Lederhosen. Ok, maybe a little bit off the rails, but you’re along for the ride, so just go.

TP rev plotSo, anyway, let’s get back to what makes this movie great. “He was wearing my Harvard tie, like oh sure, he went to Harvard,” Louis says to Ophelia after having seen Billy Ray in Louis’ limousine, um, wearing his Harvard tie. Once, when I was much younger, I drove a co-worker crazy by repeating that line over and over again for like 30 minutes. The key is to use a “Harvard” accent, and draw out the rs. The only explanation I have was that I was trying to make Eric, who worked with me at the time, laugh, and we liked to torture this poor girl who worked with us, so it made sense.

But it’s the little lines, the little moments like that. Like when Randolph is explaining the commodities market to Billy Ray and is slowly and deliberately explaining what a pork belly is, “Like bacon, that you might put in a bacon, lettuce, and tomato sandwich.” Billy Ray lifts his head and looks directly into the camera in this moment. He doesn’t smile or wink but you instantly connect with him, you are TP Eddie look at caminstantly drawn into the joke. Really? He’s saying to us, really? And we get it, we are in on it. Ultimately I would argue that is where it transcends all the racial stereotypes throughout, you connect with the humanity of the characters and by doing so realize how ridiculous the stereotypes are. Billy Ray throws a big party for all of his “friends” and they trash the place. He ends up throwing them out and has a nice little moment with the butler, Coleman where he thanks him for cleaning up. You can tell by the look on Coleman’s face that no one has ever thanked him before.

It’s the moments like those, plus the drunken Santa that make this one of my favorites. In fact, I use the following formula: Funny Sayings You Can Drive People Crazy With + Drunken Santas * Any Use of the Word “Pookums” – Jim Belushi in a gorilla suit= 8.5 on the happy go fun Holiday Movie scale of Why Watch This.

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[Why Watch This?] Holiday Edition Part I: The Ref

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It’s Christmas time! Time to revisit our Why Watch This list of all time great holiday movies! Never seen these- this is your chance to catch up on some classics.

The problem with retro-movie reviews is that occasionally you are faced with some tough questions. For example, is Denis Leary still funny? Or, for that matter, was he ever funny? To answer that question, I offer up The Ref, a nice little holiday movie directed by Ted Demme in 1994.

ref ks and jdMr. Leary plays Gus, a burglar having a bad night. An alarm sounds while he is trying to break into a safe in a wealthy man’s home in a small wealthy town in Connecticut and he is sprayed in the face with cat piss. This places him on the run in a claustrophobic small town with a bungling police force while trying to hook back up with his equally bungling wheel man, Murray. He stumbles across troubled couple Caroline and Lloyd Chasseur played by Judy Davis and Kevin Spacey and ends up taking them hostage and forcing them to take him back to their house.

What unfolds is dysfunctional family comedy at its best. Caroline and Lloyd are on the verge of divorce, their son is blackmailing tref gjhe dean of the military boarding school they sent him to. Lloyd’s domineering mother (played by the “isn’t she wonderful” in everything Glynis Johns), brother, equally overbearing sister-in-law (played by the “isn’t she wonderful” in everything Christine Baranski) and their two kids are on their way to dinner. This fact has Gus posing as a marriage counselor and ultimately “The Ref” of the ensuing arguments and family craziness.

Many things are revealed during the ensuing dinner and holiday festivities. Judy Davis, who used to be in Woody Allen movies in the ‘90s, is fantastic as Caroline, what she does to the word “fascinating” three quarters of the way through the movie is worth the ref candlesprice of rental/Netflix (DVD only, not streaming) alone. What’s great about the characters is that everyone is at fault a little and everyone is also the victim a little. All it took was this foul mouth house burglar to tell them like it is, which in some ways forces them to finally admit the truth, stop fighting, and maybe even fix some stuff. It does all of this with some great character comedy, and lets Denis Leary be Denis Leary without going too nuts.

The Ref is on my holiday movie viewing list every year. It has everything you need, a fighting family, a drunken Santa, snow, small picturesque town, duct tape, weird Scandinavian candle head wreathes, delinquent children, and a happy ending.

[Why Watch This- Retro Movie Reviews] The Third Man

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The Third Man is the story of Holly Martins (Joseph Cotten), a pulp western novel writer who travels to Vienna after the war to work for his childhood friend Harry Lime (Orson Welles). When he arrives in Vienna he discovers that Harry was recently killed in a hit and run in front of his apartment. Holly carries his suitcase out to the cemetery just in time to toss a cup of dirt on Harry’s WWT-TTM-Cottencoffin. He catches the attention of Major Calloway, a British Major who is in Vienna helping out after the war.

Calloway drives Holly back to a hotel where he puts him up for the night, but only one night. Calloway wants Holly to leave. But now Holly’s interest is peaked, he goes to visit Harry’s girlfriend Anna Schmidt (Valli), an actress with a shady past. Holly and Anna go to Harry’s apartment where Holly learns from the porter that there was a third man present when Harry was killed. A third man!

Much to Calloway’s consternation, Holly stays on and continues to investigate Harry’s death. Holly gets a gig to speak about his writing to pay for the hotel. Finally Calloway decides to tell Holly what Harry has been up to in Vienna, and it’s not pretty. More suspicious characters are introduced and ultimately we learn that Harry faked his death to escape the charges Calloway is preparing against him. One of my most favorite scenes is when Holly confronts Harry at a Ferris wheel somewhere WWT-TTM-Ferrisamongst the rubble of bombed out Vienna. I won’t spoil the best line, and supposedly Orson Welles added it himself, and it is one of the best lines uttered in classic cinema.

Ultimately Calloway convinces Holly of Harry’s misdoings and uses him as bait to capture Harry. Holly agrees to help them if Calloway will help Anna get out of Vienna before the Soviets claim her as a former citizen of Czechoslovakia. However, Anna doesn’t want to be helped, not at the expense of Harry and she warns him of the trap. Harry runs off and a wonderfully filmed chase scene ensues through the wreckage of Vienna. They eventually end up in the sewers, European cities have the most awesome looking sewer systems, where things don’t end so well for our friend Mr. Lime.

The film ends back at the cemetery where they are burying Harry’s actual body this time. The same people are present but the feeling is a little different. The last shot is my favorite, one of my favorite ending shots in all of film-land. It’s a long one of Anna WWT-TTM-Endwalking down a road away from the cemetery. Holly is waiting for her, leaning against a wagon, hat tilted back. Fall leaves are falling…I won’t ruin it for you. But it’s awesome. And, apparently the ending was in dispute between screenwriter Graham Greene and director Carol Reed. Ultimately Reed won the argument and Greene has since admitted he was wrong.

Nobody writes the character of the clueless American mucking things up oversees like Graham Greene. Holly blusters his way through a Vienna in ruins, in the process of being divided and split amongst the countries that won the war. The people are haggard, they don’t trust American strangers, and they stick together. Anna doesn’t care what Harry did, she loves him anyway and she is more loyal to him then to Holly or the British government, or anything else.

One of my favorite “go see an old movie in a real life movie theater” experience was when I had the opportunity to see The Third Man at the Billy Wilder Theater here in Westwood. To top it off, David Birney was there. Granted I only really know David BirneyWWT-TTM-Birney from his appearances on Murder, She Wrote and Love Boat, but still, it’s always fun to see a famous person. Yet, The Third Man is a great film to see on the big screen if you can. The black and white, the almost expressionist style of the direction, the “Dutch angles,” the contrast between the stone and marble opulence of old Vienna and the dirt and grime and rubble of post-war Vienna is a veritable feast for the eyes.

And now, in closing, I will discuss the soundtrack. It’s zither music and oh boy is there a lot of it. The zither music is a character in itself. And what, you may ask, is a zither? I’m not sure, it seems to be some kind of guitar-like stringed instrument. The soundtrack was composed by Anton Karas who was a local musician in Vienna. Reed chose to use this folk music to represent Vienna instead of going in the traditional Vienna waltz direction. It adds to the atmosphere to be sure, but it does take a bit of getting used to, I’m not going to lie. But don’t let it scare you off. The Third Man is considered one of the greatest films ever made for a reason, go see for yourself! And if you want to get a taste of all that zithery goodness- here are the opening credits.

[Why Watch This- Retro Movie Reviews] Halloween I&II

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sitting upWhy won’t she just leave the house? I mean come on, a crazy masked killer with a knife just attacked her, she stabs him with a wire hanger, and she then just sits there crying. GET UP!! OH MY GOD HE’S STILL ALIVE!! HE’S SITTING UP! WHY WON’T SHE JUST LEAVE THE HOUSE??!!! Thank you, John Carpenter, for making Halloween in 1978 and creating the genre of film where unstoppable men stab pretty teenage girls with really big knives. And thank you, Jamie Lee Curtis, for being the original scream queen who makes ALL the wrong decisions yet somehow survives being stalked and almost stabbed by an unstoppable man. (Well, as Scream taught us years later, she survives ‘cause she’s a virgin. But shhh, don’t tell anyone, we aren’t supposed to know that yet.)halloween-1978-young-michael-myers1

And then they did it again for Halloween II, only this time Jamie is wearing the most wonderful wig because even though real world time has advanced 3 years and a haircut, movie time picks up right where the first one left off.

In the multi-layer cinema universe that is the Halloween movie franchise, you really only need to concern yourself with I and II. Sorry Rob Zombie, but honestly why screw with perfection? Halloween  starts in Haddonfield, Illinois, it’s Halloween night fifteen years ago, the song “Mr. Sandman” is playing and a young boy dressed in a cute clown costume stabs his naked sister to death because she just had sex with some guy.Halloween_1978_girls

Move forward fifteen years and there is unrest at the mental institution. It seems Michael Meyers, the little boy from above, is all grown up and he just escaped. His doctor, played with gleeful over-the-topness by Donald Pleasance, is quite distraught. Dr. Crazy Eyes had told them to keep Mr. Meyers under tighter security, he had told them not to be fooled by Michael’s catatonic state. He’s evil you see, EEEVVVIIILLLLLLLL. And now he’s loose. God help us all.halloween-donald-pleasance12-610x260

Next we meet Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis) a goody two shoes if ever there was one. She is the local babysitter and has the worse friends. I mean really, they are pretty bad, but it’s ok they’re about to die horribly. It’s Halloween night and Laurie is babysitting. What a loser! I mean, her friend Annie is also babysitting but at least Annie’s boyfriend is coming over so they can have sex. That’s why you babysat in the ‘70s. Sex. A lot of sex.

pj solesAnyway, Annie sends the kid she’s watching over to Laurie’s house so their other friend Lynda (played by P.J. Soles, who seemed to show her boobs in a lot of movies in the ‘70s) can come over with her boyfriend. Lots of suspenseful murder ensues. Laurie eventually goes across the street, discovers the bodies of her friends, screams a lot, gets attacked by Michael, runs back to her house, saves the kids, stabs Michael in the eye and then—DOES NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE. WHY? Does she know that her intact hymen will save her?

Luckily Dr. Crazy Eyes shows up in time to shoot Mr. Meyers several times. But wait—oh no! When he goes to look at the body, he’s gone! “It was the boogieman,” Laurie says to Dr. Crazy Eyes. “Yes, I believe he was.”

Kick in Halloween II which begins with the last few minutes of Halloween. Laurie is taken to the hospital, the eeriest emptiest halloween2hospital in all of Illinois. There are no patients in this hospital, only horny nurses and hornier EMTs, and one drunk doctor who doesn’t last long. You see, as soon as Michael hears on a radio from a passing car that Laurie has been taken to the hospital, he goes up there.

And since some years have passed and this is a sequel, there’s a little more nudity, and a lot more, let’s call them “weird” deaths. No more boring “stabbing” with a big ol’ “knife.” Oh no! Michael gets creative with the implements he has at his disposal in a hospital.

Halloween 2 1981 HospitalDr. Crazy Eyes, still looking for Michael in town, learns that Laurie is actually Michael’s sister. She was a baby when he had killed his other sister, and had been put up for adoption. Oh no! He then realizes that he will be going after her, because Michael has this serious problem with his sisters. He rushes up to the hospital in time to save Laurie again, and hopefully, maybe kill Michael and himself in an explosion. (but of course we learn in later sequels that neither perished in the fire, spoiler alert).

Halloween was made for $325,000 and grossed over $70 million worldwide, making it one of the most successful independent movies ever made. Wow. And it was selected for preservation by the National Film Registry of the Library of Congress because of its cultural significance. Yes, slasher films are culturally significant according to the Library of Congress. Carpenter wrote, directed and scored the film. He cast Jamie Lee Curtis, a relatively unknown actress at the time, in what can only be a wink to Psycho, the slasher film that started it all and starred Curtis’ mother, Janet Leigh.

I have to watch Halloween I and II every year on Halloween. I just do. There is something about them. Maybe it’s the music, a simple two note yet incredibly stressful theme that plays through most of the movie. Maybe it’s because they are so familiar to me now. Who knows? But I think, and not just because I’m old, that there is something great in their simplicity. There are no special effects, no gross-out porn or any limbs being severed. It’s just an innocent girl running from unstoppable evil. What’s scarier than that? Nothing.