Been & Going

[Lessons From The TV People] Oddities: San Francisco

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)

How many times has this happened to you? You’re in a store and Kung Fu Vampire comes in and tries to sell you a skinned fruit bat. But wait—he doesn’t have the proper taxidermy authenticity paperwork! If I had a dime…

This was just one of the scenes from Oddities: San Francisco that aired last night at midnight on LFTTVPOdd1the Science Channel. I’m not sure what’s so scientific about this show unless you count the skinned bat that was pinned to a board. Or perhaps it is because of the science that created the white contact lenses for the aforementioned Mr. Vampire (or is it just Kung Fu? Not sure what’s proper). Alas, Kung Fu Vampire was denied a sale by Lincoln, one of the workers at the store Loved To Death. Loved To Death is a shop of weird medical items, Victorian whatever and dead animals with the correct paperwork.

The first customer of this episode is a Steampunk cellist who is looking for something to top off her red corset outfit. She’s going to be in the Mad Hatter Holiday Parade in Vallejo. The owner of Loved To Death Audra and her “picker” Wednesday show the cellist a pair of Steampunky goggles. She wants them so they start to haggle. It goes something like this:

Audra: I’ll let you have them for $250.

Cellist: Um. I only want to spend $150.

Audra: Um. I can go $225.

Cellist: OK! That’s much better. I’ll take them.

Cellist, that’s not much better. Anyway, I point this exchange out because this is the exact template for all the haggling that takes place. Whether it is a buyer in the shop or a seller of an LFTTVPOdd3item to go in the shop, the haggling only lasts for two exchanges. Now I’m not naïve in the ways of the scripted reality show. I realize that these people and their items are already a done deal and they are, in a sense, recreating the moment. But try to mix it up a little, Oddities. Also, Audra, Wednesday and Lincoln aren’t actors so their “Hi, can I help you?” is a little stilted. But I like them. They know their stuff or at least took the time to read up on their stuff before the cameras started rolling. There are some real reaction moments like when the Hooded Antique Snake Bite Kit Guy walks in and Lincoln does a quick double take. Or when Wednesday asks Captain Whiskey Nick who is wearing a Steampunk leg brace if he injured his leg in the war. Captain Whiskey Nick tells her he had a case of “kneemonia”. I applauded Wednesday’s blank stare. That was real. I also applauded Wednesday’s ability to have pointed, blunt cut bangs.

LFTTVPOdd2While Lincoln is minding the shop, Audra and Wednesday head out to Vallejo to see more about the Mad Hatter parade and pick some weird stuff along the way. They stop at Obtainium Works to see Major Catastrophe. It keeps getting better, doesn’t it? Major Catastophe sends Audra to his brother, Kevin. Which surprised me. Not First Lieutenant Commander Lord Kevintage Steamship. No, Kevin. He is a collector of all kinds of random Victorian, yes, Steampunky stuff. He sells Audra the single most disturbing thing I’ve ever seen. It’s a dental model with celluloid teeth that students would practice on. It will live for a long time in my nightmares. Don’t believe me? Look:


And now you will never unseen it.

Meanwhile, Wednesday purchases an old shock treatment helmet from Captain Whiskey Nick. LFTTVPOdd5Later she meets Audra and they show off their bounty. Then Major Catastrophe arrives to take them to the parade in a bicycle cart thing with plastic flamingos perched on it. Roll credits.

The DVR caught the first few moments of the next episode. A recovering obsessive-compulsive wants to purchase something gross for his recovery. Wednesday shows him a Victorian tuberculosis bowl—and that’s where it cuts off.

I want to go to this store Loved To Death. But only as my alter-ego, Doctor Mandolin of the Sunspots.

[Lessons From The TV People] Those Rob Lowe DirectTV Ads

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)

What a crappy week and a half!

I like to draw a reader in right away with a snappy turn of phrase. How crappy, you ask? I won’t bore you with details but I can say it was enough to keep me from watching some choice sounding shows off the U-Verse. There is no excuse for not getting to watch Duff Til Dawn on the Food Network. I didn’t even need to see the description because the title had me. I loved the movie From Dust Til Dawn so I’m hoping it is a spin-off where the Ace Of Cakes Duff Goldman bakes a cake for Santanico Pandemonium.

I don’t think I’ll watch it out of fear that I might be wrong.

I also DVR’d a Donut Showdown and a show called I (Almost) Got Away With It. Which I guess I don’t need to see because [Spoiler!] they don’t get away with it. Where’s the fun?

Not to suggest that I never turned on the TV at all. I did from time to time. Enough to catch a new Whackadoo Rob Lowe DirectTV ad. This was the Overly Paranoid Rob Lowe. I myself am Overly Paranoid that I have to see the Overly Hairy Rob Lowe again. They are all really disturbing, aren’t they? Now, I don’t blame Mr. Lowe. In fact, you have to admire how game he is. It’s the ad company that is to blame. Imagine the ideas that bounced around in that room. “We need a new Bizarro Rob Lowe. OK. Shoot!” “Wait! Let me turn on the gas stove!”  “I’ll get the bath salts!” And the Rob Lowes went flying.

I want to get in on this. Below I humbly submit my Alternate Rob Lowe ideas. All from a single glass of red wine.

Other Rob Lowes:

Computer Generated Rob Lowe

Argyle Sock Clad Rob Lowe

100% Wool Rob Lowe

Avon Distributor Rob Lowe

One Inch Shorter Rob Lowe

Aflac Duck Voice Rob Lowe

Sleep Apnea Inflicted Rob Lowe

Slightly Anemic Rob Lowe

“It’s Spelled Loew” Rob Lowe

Marvel’s Rob Lowe

Former Resident of Yugoslavia Rob Lowe

Brother Of Chad Rob Lowe

Soda Pop Curtis

Silk Screened Rob Lowe

Gluten Intolerant Rob Lowe

Off Track Betting Denizen Rob Lowe

City Councilman Rob Lowe

Shakespearean Rob Lowe

Four Legged Rob Lowe

Graveyard Shift 7-11 Cashier Rob Lowe

Grammar Nazi Rob Lowe


Capricorn With Taurus Rising Rob Lowe

Cirque du Soleil Clown Rob Lowe

Stormtrooper Cosplayer Rob Lowe

Green Thumb Rob Lowe

Green Screen Rob Lowe

The Fifth Beatle Rob Lowe

Leper Pirate In The Fog Rob Lowe

Knick Knack Collector Rob Lowe

Alligator Wrestler Rob Lowe

Mouth Breather Rob Lowe

Overdue Library Book Holder Rob Lowe

Constantly Getting Your Name Wrong Rob Lowe

Not On Facebook Rob Lowe

Behind You In the Mirror Rob Lowe

IKEA Rob Lowe

Final Jeopardy Rob Lowe

Ship-In-A-Bottle Rob Lowe

Never Packs A Lunch Rob Lowe

Brian Dennehy Fan Rob Lowe

Tide Pen User Rob Lowe

1988 Democratic Convention In Atlanta Rob Lowe

Only Burns Soy Candles Rob Lowe

Sonogram Cameo Rob Lowe

Jewel Thief Rob Lowe

YA Novelist Rob Lowe

Snorts When He Laughs Rob Lowe

Part Three Of A Ten Part Series Rob Lowe

Gift Card Hoarder Rob Lowe

Pencil Thin Mustache Rob Lowe

Julie Taymor Directed Rob Lowe

Weed Eater Wielder Rob Lowe

iPhone Denier Rob Lowe

Tea Leaf Reading Rob Lowe

“And I Don’t Even Own A TV” Rob Lowe

Waiting on your call, DirectTV.


Beats A Dead Horse Rob Lowe

[Lessons From The TV People] Garten Vs. Gladiator

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)

Tonight I watched an episode of The Barefoot Contessa with a soft-focused Ina Garten. It was only a half hour so as soon as the staged dinner party faded to the tune of clinking glasses and “Cheers!”, I turned over to the movie Gladiator already in progress. On the surface, this may seem like an odd juxtaposition but on closer inspection they are quite complimentary. So let’s test your knowledge with some facts on these two presentations.

Tell me: is it GARTEN or GLADIATOR?

-One is a Spaniard.

-The other has a show on the Food Network.


-One was a general under Marcus Aurelius.

-The other knows a screenwriter from Los Angeles and invites him to dinner.


-One battles to the death in the Coliseum.

-The other beats egg whites to stiff peaks.


-One was sold into slavery to fight as a Gladiator.

-The other adds extra sugar to apples that are too tart.


-One was the former lover of the Emperor’s sister.

-The other is a former White House nuclear policy analyst. (I’m not kidding. See Wikipedia.)


-One dreams of a field of flowers in the afterlife.

-The other depletes the local flower shop of white blooms.


-Both make awkward small talk.


-One was told, “Win the crowd and you’ll win your freedom.”

-The other told us, “This is the time a whisk really helps.”


-One turns back on the Emperor.

-The other pops collars on button down shirts.


-One defeats the Romans in a reenactment of the Battle of Carthage.

-The other prepares two Bleu Cheese Soufflés. (The key is to work together in order to disable the chariots…or it might be something about folding in the egg whites gently.)


-One dies of mortal sword wounds.

-The other hates making drinks one at a time.


-One shocked the Emperor by revealing he was alive.

-The other shocked me by using store-bought puff pastry.


-One asks the crowd, “Are you not entertained?”

-The other probably screams this in her head on every episode.

So how did you do?

Gladiator won the Academy Award for Best Picture of 2000 and airs frequently on basic cable. You can find Ina Garten winning the crowd on the Food Network.

[Lessons From The TV People] Top Ten 2015 TV Predictions

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)

While the 2014 Year End lists are trickling away, it’s time to look ahead to what might be on TV in 2015. Please note that these predictions are based on science. Here we go…

1. The Walking Dead – Rick and the gang will once again wander around, kill zombies and continue to ruin the state of Georgia for me.

LFTTVP-2015Gotham2. Gotham – District Attorney Harvey Dent will beg for a nickname because he is sick of there being two Harveys in town. “If one more person thinks I’m that cop, Harvey Bullock, I’ll throw acid on my face!” Really, what kind of fictional city has two people with the same first name?

3. Tiny House Nation / Tiny House Hunters / Tiny House Builders – Ultimate Tiny Crossover! It used to be a phone booth!

4. Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. – There will be approximately 2.3 Marvel Cinematic Universe references per minute of airtime each episode. You know that extra in that one scene? She’s very important to the first film of Phase 5. All will be revealed in the feature film, Marvel Easter Eggs.

5. Game Of Thrones – You know that extra in that one scene? Yeah, he’s the only one left alive.LFTTVP-2015ProjectRunway

6. Project Runway – They will run out of fashion icons and online fashion “celebs” to be in the guest judge chair. They will resort to the woman who greets you at the door at Anthropologie.

7. Downton Abbey – One episode will be a full hour of Maggie Smith as the Dowager Countess rolling her eyes and sighing. It will win multiple Emmys.

8. America’s Next Top Model – Upcoming Ty-Overs (Tyra Banks Make Overs) will try to top last year’s Beard Weave. Looks will include Side Burn Weaves, Eyebrow Weaves, Eyelash Extensions, Extensions Made From Eyelashes, Lion’s Mane, Crew Cut That Is Then Covered With A Rainbow Wig, Cottonball Beard, Literally A Rat Tail, the Moe, the Larry, the Curley and the Shemp.

LFTTVP-2015Bourdain9. Anthony Bourdain will have a new show – Working title: Let Me In. Your Home Is the Last Place I Haven’t Been. I’m Not Leaving Until You Open the Door.

And finally…

10. American Horror Story – the cast will turn to the camera at the end of the last episode and yell, “The Aristocrats!”

Happy New Year!

[Lessons From The TV People] Did You Know? Holiday Trivia

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)

The Holidays are upon us. Or more precisely, the Holidays have their tassled boots pressing down on our necks. As you gasp for air and inevitably forget until the last minute a Christmas party that you rsvp’d to a month ago, take a moment to appreciate the multitude of gifts you have received this year. I, for one, am thankfully for the plethora of gems given to me by the U-verse. Zombies, Rich London Housewives, Top Models. The list could go on and on until there are no more Tiny House shows left to be discovered. The TV People give and give, don’t they?

Now the Powers That Program are amping up the tv joy with lots of holiday cheer (read: Christmas-themed Lifetime and Hallmark Channel movies). There’s also the Santa Tracker channel and a yule log channel. The U-verse is no exception. Just like all other cable and dish services, you get a Holiday music channel as well. You know the one that you only see when you go to that Christmas party you are now an hour late for. The set-up is the same all around: song info, photo stock holiday photo and random trivia. I love the random holiday trivia! And when you love something , you share it. Tis the season, kids.

Please enjoy some “Did You Know?” Holiday Trivia that I took with my iPhone.













DYK-2Happy Holidays!

[Lessons From The TV People] PBS Pledge Special Roundup

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)

Spoiler Warning: GRAINS ARE THE DEVIL.

Over Thanksgiving, PBS showed some new Pledge Specials and they’ve been rerun this weekend. There were a few financial ones like Retire Rich or something like that plus a new one by Suze LFTTVP-PBSSuzeOrman. It may not have been new actually because I can’t tell the difference between her shows. Whereas Wayne Dyer gradually loses his hair throughout the years, Suze’s style doesn’t change one iota. Same haircut, same shoulder pads. But I don’t have to watch it to know that Suze wants me to invest, pay off debt and have eight months of an emergency fund. Although considering the trend with the nutrition-based Pledge Specials, I wouldn’t put it past Suze to include Stop Eating Wheat in her money advice.
Yep, I watched three food-based Specials and they all dissed wheat. Wheat Belly Total Health also threw shade on rye, barley and corn, too. Two of the Specials even bad-mouthed Gluten-free products: “the gluten is replaced with sugar!” “It’s not just gluten that’s bad in grains!” “Wheat is replaced with junk carbs like tapioca flour and rice flour.” To which I said, “Damn, Gluten-Free Movement, your fifteen minutes of fame are over.”
Yes, there was a show called Wheat Belly Total Health with Dr. William Davis. He’s a cardiologist who started talking about his prescription that didn’t require a co-pay. If you haven’t guessed yet that “prescription” is “Eliminate Wheat”.
According to Davis there are 3 Grain Myths:
1. Grains Have Always Been Apart Of Our Diet. (Not true. Only the last 10,000 years and it was LFTTVP-PBSCowout of desperation when they didn’t have enough meat and wild mushrooms. Davis then goes into a whole thing about how we are not cows and can’t digest grasses because we don’t have:

  •             Continuously growing teeth (Egads)
  •             Lots of saliva (Except when I have  sour gummy worms.)
  •             A four compartment stomach where one has a “grinding substance” and that whole nasty chewing cud thing
  •             Spiral colon
  •             And lots of appropriate micro-organisms
  • I want to briefly return to “Spiral colon”. I’m kind of jealous. Ours are so haphazard. “Just stuff them in there!”

2. Grains Are Essential To Our Health
3. We Have Full Control Over Our Impulses And Appetites
Ha ha, he says.

Davis goes on to talk about how there’s something in wheat called gliadin that acts like an opiate and how when we quit wheat, 40% of us will have withdrawal symptoms.

So next time you say, “I’m jonsesin’ for a sandwich”, you will literally be jonsesin’. Then you will see a dead baby crawling across your ceiling like in Trainspotting. I assume.

LFTTVP-PBSVirginBookEarlier in the week, I watched JJ Virgin’s Sugar Impact Secret, which I wrote about in more detail at my site. But to give you a quick idea of what she is all about then I give you this: Sugar is the #1 thing that is taking down your health. Aha! you say. This conflicts with Davis and his Wheat Demon! Well, not really. Because Virgin says that one of the biggest sugar impacts is the hidden sugar in products as well as the carbs that turn into sugar…like grains.


(Side note: I made fun of JJ’s name when I wrote about her first special. That post was also the one with the most comments on it ever. Most people commenting were distraught and wanted to know what to do to lose weight. I had to politely say, “Um, I’m not her. Maybe you should read her book?” So this is where I say I’m not a nutritionist or doctor so take what I write here with a grain of salt. Which we can all agree upon is the only grain that you are now allowed.)

The third Special was Skinny Gut, Vibrant You With Brenda Watson. Watson has also had a few Specials under her belt or should I say, “Gut!” Haaaahaaaa! If you had seen all her shows like I LFTTVP-PBSWatsonhave then you would be laughing at that, I’m sure. For those of you not in the know, Watson is obsessed with gut bacteria. (I truly wish I could phonetically spell out how she says “gut”. She’s got a bit of a Southern accent if that gives you any idea. Just remember she says it a lot.)

Watson spends most of the special talking about good and bad gut bacteria. (We are 90% bacteria apparently. That’s creepy, right?) It’s important, she says, to get more of the good than the bad. The Good Bac thrives on Fiber. The Bad Bac produce waste and toxins that trigger inflammation and stores fat. She calls the Bad Bac by-product “the poop of bacteria”. She really does.

Where do grains come into all of this? Well, “grains can upset gut balance and cause health problems” like inflammation and high blood sugar.

In short: grains make your Bad Bacteria poo.

I hate you, Grains. I hate you so much.

You can see these specials in full on your local PBS station. Now, PUT DOWN THAT PASTA.

[Lessons From The TV People] The Bourne Movies

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)

Now I may not remember which Bourne movie has which qualifier but damned if I don’t watch them every time they are on. And they are on quite a bit. Jason Bourne may be the new James LFTTVP-BourneDamonBond in terms of how often they run on basic cable. In fact, I would wager good money that at any moment of any day there would be a Bourne movie, a Bond movie or a Harry Potter movie airing. These franchises also have the distinction of being the sort of movies that I’ve seen so much, I can start in the middle and not care (OK. I’ll add the X-men movies in there, too. Not to mention the shortlist of rom coms that I inexplicably love…that will stay unmentioned for now).

Since I read the Potter books, I know which one is which instantly. It might also be because I can tell by the hairstyles of Harry and Ron. But the Bourne movies are a different story. If it’s not Matt Damon and it’s Jeremy Renner then it’s the last one, Bourne…Legacy? Yeah. But if it’s Damon and there’s no Franka Potente then it’s the third one, Bourne…The Third. I have a 33.33% chance of a correct guess but I still guess wrong. So I looked them up: Identity, Supremacy and Ultimatum. In that order. If they were sticking to a theme that last one should have been Ultimately.

LFTTVP-BourneKarlFurther confusion comes from the hit guy villain. I know for a fact deep down in my…bones that Clive Owen was the hit guy in the first one. The other two have Karl Urban and Edgar Ramirez. In that order. I think. Yes! Urban is the Russian guy. Karl Urban has an interesting career. First saw him in Lord Of the Rings. He was in the second and third LOTR…OK, I may get the events of the second and third movies a little jumbled. I have excuses. I read the books and the movies mess with the order of things a bit. Also, I could go full Tolkien fiend and yell “THEY ARE ALL ONE MOVIE!” That helps excuse my confusion. Urban is also Bones in the Star Trek reboots. And he was Judge Dredd in a Judge Dredd reboot. (At this point in the post, I leave my computer and go to see if I still have a Judge Dredd pin from when I worked at Planet Hollywood and the Stallone movie was coming out…Apparently not. But I found my Universal Studios nametag. My hoarder fears are quelled just a tad.) Good on him.

Edgar Ramirez is an actor with whom I’m less familiar. To the IMDB app! He was in Zero Dark LFTTVP-BourneBergenThirty on one side of the spectrum and Wrath Of the Titans on the other. He’s also named Edgar and there are not too many famous Edgars. There’s one of my favorite directors, Edgar Wright. Then it goes Edgar Allan Poe, Edgar Rice Burroughs, Edgar Winter and Edgar Bergen. That’s it. FYI: Edgar Bergen is a dead ventriloquist who was Candice Bergen’s father. And he directed Scott Pilgrim vs. The World. I believe.

Let’s talk about Matt Damon as Jason Bourne. It was Paul Rudd in 40 Year Old Virgin who said, “You know, I always thought that Matt Damon was like a Streisand, but he’s rocking the shit in this one!” I never thought the Streisand part but he did indeed rock the shit in the Bourne movies. He just never screamed action star before. Which I think is the secret genius. When he discovers his mad skillz, it surprises him just as much as us. Damon is quite good at the “blank face, auto-kicking-ass-ness” quality. I want a secret skill like that. Wouldn’t it be awesome to be at Disneyland and be able to clear the line at Indiana Jones with untapped Kung Fu moves? With my luck however, I would probably have some ninja filing skills or something like that. Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh. Alphabetized! And my blood pressure never rose.

Last couple of Bourne thoughts:

    • These films make me want to jump from rooftops to rooftops. You understand.
    • I loved Julia Stiles’ hair in all the films. Especially the longish bob with the blond LFTTVP-BourneJuliahighlights. I want to rotely kick people’s asses with that hair on my head.
    • Joan Allen needs to do more stuff.
    • Rachel Weisz screaming. “AAAARROOON. RUUUUUUN.” in her American accent.
    • Great actors playing the asshole government guy: Chris Cooper, David Straithairn and Edward Norton.
    • Lots of chases through lots of countries. Look out, Locals!
    • Wait. Another confusion: casting Brian Cox and Albert Finney in back to back Bournes. I may or may not have thought it was the same character at first. Because of…
    • The overlapping timeline in the second and third movies.

Ha! Vindication! Supremacy and Ultimatum are ONE MOVIE.

You can find the Bourne movies on…right now, on channel…doesn’t matter.

[Lessons From The TV People] The Getaway

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)

Esquire Network has a travel show called The Getaway. Oh right, there is a channel called the Esquire Network. Anyway about a year ago, I caught the tail end of an episode featuring Joel McHale wandering around Belfast. The set-up is like this: a celebrity goes to a city that they call their “getaway” and then you watch them eat, drink and shop while the locals give tidbits on their town. It’s basically The Layover With Anthony Bourdain but LFTTVP-GetawayMcHalewithout Anthony Bourdain because he has five other shows he is doing.  And no wonder  it is so similar to The Layover  because it turns out Bourdain is a producer on The Getaway. He’s a smartie because all he had to do was rename it and get others to do it. You may think by saying “others”, I will now slam the D-List Celebs that they scrounged up to host, right? Wrong! Sure, it’s not Clooney or Bullock but I was a fan of Community and I’d watch Joel McHale get fitted for a suit in Ireland.  I think you would as well. Season One of The Getaway, which aired last year, had a pretty good roster of folks that are quite engaging when drinking cocktails in a very fancy hotel that I would not be allowed to walk past, let alone step into. If I can’t eat savory crepes for breakfast in Paris, I’m glad that Aisha Tyler could and I could watch it. It’s a nice change of pace from watching Bourdain eat. Although I still do that, too.

Season Two began a few weeks ago and I was quite excited about it. But life being what it is, I’m already behind on some episodes. I saw Christy Teigen in Thailand talking about how yummy fish-head soup is and then getting Thai Boxing lessons. I had heard her name before and knew she was a model but that was about it. Turns out she is married to John Legend! (I call this a Getaway fun fact or The Getafact ™!) She is also quite charming and someone I get the feeling cusses like a sailor. See what I’m saying? You don’t need to have Brad Pitt to enjoy watching someone ride a tuk-tuk in Bangkok.

The other Season Two ep I’ve seen was this week’s show with Jack McBrayer from 30 Rock in Oahu.  I’ve never been that into Hawaii like I feel I should be. I grew up in Florida and now live in California so it’s not like the LFTTVP-GetawaySpambeach is forbidden fruit. In fact, I’m not a big beach person so my close approximately most of my life was kind of wasted.  I was even fairly close to the beach of Lake Michigan when I lived in Chicago and went maybe once the entire eight years I lived there. That’s probably because most of the year I would cut myself on ice if I waded in. So that all being said, I still tuned into McBrayer’s adventures.  It’s funny how beautiful Hawaii is and yet how ordinary it is in some parts. It’s not a knock on Hawaii but just a revelation that I had while watching this week. McBrayer takes surfing and ukulele lessons, of course, but then he takes a tour of a reserve where Jurassic Park was filmed (and being filmed again). That landscape is gorgeous and lush and beautiful. This scenery is quite different from the 7-11 that McBrayer went to earlier in the ep. His driver stops there to show him the typical Hawaiian snacks that 7-11 carries. A favorite is some sort of Spam sushi. It’s fried Spam slice on rice, wrapped with seaweed. Spam truly is big in Hawaii apparently. Also, Hawaiian shirts are called Aloha Shirts in Hawaii. (The Getafact ™!)

The other two shows that have already aired are on my DVR: David Koechner in Dublin and Adam Pally in Vegas.  I had to look up Pally because I didn’t know who he was. Turns out he was on Happy Endings which I heard was pretty great and now The Mindy Project which is a show I feel I should be watching but I just haven’t yet. Sorry, Adam. But I will watch the hell out of you drinking and eating in Las Vegas. Koechner, as I hope you recall, was Champ in Anchorman: The Legend Of Ron Burgundy. Whammy!

Besides McHale and Tyler, Season One had:

  • Singer Eve in Kingston, Jamaica (only saw the first bit of this one)
  • Chef Jose Andres in San Juan (I didn’t see this one at all)
  • Ryan Kwanten from True Blood in Los Angeles (Saw this but still irks me that someone living in LA would call it their “getaway”.)
  • Director Paul Feig in Boston (He got fitted for a custom suit, too!)
  • Aziz Ansari in Hong Kong (Alright. What’s with Esquire’s obsession with custom made suits?)
  • Seth Myers and his brother in Amsterdam
  • Rashida Jones in London

LFTTVP-GetawayRashidaChrisI can’t decide which one is my favorite episode. It’s between those last two. Both are cities that I’ve been to and love.  Each time I watched the London show (yes, about three times I think), I can’t help but want Rashida Jones’ life. At least her 36 hours in London. See, she has that life where she flies to London for 36 hours.  She first has dinner with friends in a hot restaurant where the owner is a friend of hers. None of my friends own restaurants. What the hell? Then she says, “I’m meeting my friend, Chris O’Dowd to have cocktails.” How come I don’t hang out with Chris O’Dowd and have fancy, crafted drinks like a moss-flavored cocktail and a deconstructed Bloody Mary shot in oyster shell at The Bar With No Name? Then go to a weird curiosities shop with him where you can purchase a Kylie Minogue poo? OK, I may not need that part in my life. I do, however, need to play pool with a friend and have Ronan Farrow show up to get some dinner. I mean, really? (Side note on Ronan: there can’t be anyone left in the world who doesn’t think Farrow is Sinatra’s son, right? He looks a lot like Mia but seriously, the rest is Frank. Even if Ronan put on some chunky glasses and tried to act nebbish, people would still say, “Hey, look at young Frank Sinatra doing a Woody Allen impersonation!”) Later Rashida goes in for the kill: she says to O’Dowd, “Let’s meet your wife and ADAM SCOTT for dinner.” (Emphasis mine.) Adam Scott happened to be in London and met them for a seafood dinner. This episode gave me very specific items for my bucket list.

But is the London show my favorite? The other contender is Seth Myers and his brother Josh in Amsterdam. They both used to live there when they were in the cast for Boom Chicago, an improv show that I passed on the LFTTVP-GetawayMyersBoystram when I was there. I chose to go to the Sex Museum instead because I can see improv anywhere. I don’t really see animatronic flashers too often.

Seth and Josh eat Dutch pancakes, drink various drinks, play lawn bowling with a Dutch hip hop artist and ride bikes all the while being adorable. They don’t get fitted for suits, however, but they do shop for socks. All the while being adorable (The Getafact ™!).

So the contender for favorite The Getaway episode is still up in the air. Adam Scott and a Seafood Dinner or Bike Riding With Seth and Josh?

[Lessons From The TV People] All American Amusement Parks

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)

This week I went back to the GAC Well. Because the Great American County network has more than just Most Terrifying Places In America shows. It has All American Amusement Parks as well. Say what you want but GAC is true to its America mission statement. All American LFTTVPAAPScottBrosAmusement Parks is hosted by J.D. Scott who just happens to be the brother of the Twin Brothers of various shows on HGTV. Why do I know this? Because that’s how All American Amusement Parks begins, by explaining why this guy is hosting this show. You may cry nepotism and claim he is riding his twin brothers’ coattails but I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt. Because as the Elizabeth Olson of the Scott family, he could turn out to be Scarlet Witch in Avengers 2 and not the throwaway wife role like in Godzilla. After viewing just one episode of All American Amusement Parks, the jury is still out. One thing is for sure, though, we can rule out Martha Marcy May Marlene.

The episode in question was called “Florida’s Animal Kingdom”. I chose this one because I grew up in Florida and I’ve been to Disney’s Animal Kingdom. Well, TWIST! Disney’s Animal Kingdom is nowhere to be found on this show. My guess Disney said, “What show? Who? No sorry you can’t film here” and All American Amusement Parks said, “Fine. We’ll go to Gatorland and Weeki Wachee!” Disney said something like, “Ooo. I’m scared” and then rolled their eyes.

This is where I confess that as a 23-year resident of Central Florida, I have never been to Gatorland or Weeki Wachee. And I’m a little sad about that. Feeding alligators and watching mermaids should have been a part of my childhood but alas. However I do have a picture of my parents at Weeki Wachee back in the ‘60s posing behind a mermaid and a Poseidon statue. This explains a lot about me, I think.


J.D. Scott first visits Gatorland and meets Charles, the Gatorland Superfan. There is such a thing! Scott feeds alligators, sits on one and then ziplines over a bunch of them who I’m sure were sleeping even thought the zipline was called Screamin’ Gator. On that note, turns out there are crocodiles as well as gators. Which makes me wonder, do the alligators have a diva attitude over the crocs? Do they throw shade and taunt them with “I believe it’s called Gatorland and not CrocWorld.”

Next up is Weeki Wachee where the central attraction is an underwater live mermaid show where women wear tails and do a synchronized swimming kind of thing. Here Scott meets Liz who has been coming to this park since she was three. Liz and Scott get a chance to get some instruction in being a live mermaid and now I have the image of Scott in a mermaid tale burned into my brain.

Finally, All American Amusement Parks goes to a place that I’ve actually been to a few times: Busch Gardens. Now back in the day, it was called Busch Gardens: The Dark Continent because of the Africa theme. This fact was not mentioned in the show at all so I’m assuming that moniker has been dropped as being a wee bit un-pc. (Just checked Wikipedia. It was first Busch Gardens: The Dark Continent then just Busch Gardens Tampa Bay and then Busch Gardens: Africa and then back to Busch Gardens Tampa. FYI!)

LFTTVPAAAPBuschGardensThe Super Fan at Busch Gardens is Amey. She and Scott do a Serengeti Plain safari ride where they stop and feed some giraffes. I said out loud, “I want to feed a giraffe.” Then they go on a roller coaster called The Cheetah Hunt that causes Scott to say, “It was fast…like a cheetah.” He has officially been downgraded to Girl In Car in How the West Was Fun with Mary Kate and Ashley.

All American Amusement Parks airs on Great American Country here in the United States of America.