Been & Going

parrot news- 102013

[Parrot News] Man with Sh*t Eating Grin Throws Parrot at Cop. Awesome.

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Sometimes, Comedy and Tragedy are separated by the thinnest of membranes.

Take, for example the following 2 headlines:

Shirtless Man Throws Parrot at Police Officer While Attempting to Flee = Funny!

Shirtless Man Throws Parrot at Police Officer While Attempting to Flee- Gunned Down in Hail of Bullets = Also funny! But you feel really bad about laughing.

Fortunately, in this case, our crazy shirtless grinning friend was not gunned down when he threw a parrot at the police while attempting to flee- so it’s ok to laugh without remorse. Ha ha ha ha ha! Sort of like that.

This article also begs certain important questions:

1. Where did this guy get the parrot?

2. Why did he have a parrot with him when fleeing from the police?

3. Is the parrot actually his evil criminal sidekick (henchparrot)- and if so, do they have matching burglar masks- cause, hello- adorable! Don’t judge me. Sure I hate birds, but a little white parrot in a tiny black burglar mask?? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, I’M NOT MADE OF STONE.

4. If the parrot is his evil criminal henchparrot, does it have a cool criminal nickname like “Feathers” or “Whitey” or maybe “Mumbles” cause he has a speech impediment and nobody wants him and that’s why he turned to a life in crime:

Cute Little Girl in Pet Store: Ooh, a Parrot. Hello Parrot. Can you say “hello”?

Mumbles: mumble mumble mumble

Little Girl: Huh? What was that?


Little Girl: I don’t understand anything this parrot says. It’s stupid. Let’s leave it in the pet store to die unloved and alone.

Mumbles: Stupid, you say! I’ll show you who’s stupid! You’ll rue the day you ever rejected me you horrible little girl when you’re begging at my claws for mercy MUAHHAHAHAHAHAHA MUAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!

Little Girl: Huh? What was that?

Mumbles: I SAID…oh never mind.

When you look at the story this way, it’s really a bittersweet tale of two misfits who found each other in this lonely world- the Crazy Grinning Shirtless Crazy Person and Mumbles the Misunderstood Parrot. Rejected by society, they formed their own wacky kind of family, running around Connecticut, raising hell with their adorable matching burglar masks – just doin’ their thing and livin’ their lives. Until, you know, Dude threw Parrot at the cops and now Mumbles is sitting in a shelter – incomprehensibly cursing his fate. Crazy Person’s still smiling though. But then again, he’s fucking nuts. And, seriously now- WHY DID HE HAVE A PARROT WITH HIM????

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