Been & Going

[Kicking Back with Jersey Joe] Funny Halloween Costumes

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Think you could win the Halloween party costume contest?  Jersey Joe has found these hilarious costumes that you can buy online right now!


THE 411

Name: Funny Halloween Costumes

What: real costumes that you can purchase online


If you find any other hilarious costumes that you wish to share… hit me up on twitter @JerseyJoe50.


[Kicking Back with Jersey Joe] Funny Valentines Candy Hearts

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Jersey Joe has a few suggestions for some funny additions to those old candy Valentine’s hearts.

THE 411

What: Valentine’s Candy Hearts

Manufactured by: Necco

Since: 1847

Type: candy hearts with cute Valentines Day or love messages imprinted on them


Why don’t they design a website where you can create your own candy hearts printed with your own personalized messages?  They already do that with M&M’s!

[Kicking Back with Jersey Joe] Birthday Cake M&M’s Want to Party in Your Mouth

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M&M’s, the milk chocolate candy that melts in your mouth, not in your hands has been rolling out all kinds of new flavors and now, they’re making every day your birthday with their new Birthday Cake M&M’s.


Forrest Mars, Sr., son of the founder of Mars Candy Company came up with idea for M&M’s in the 1930’s.  He had witnessed Spanish War soldiers eating pieces of chocolate candy with a hard chocolate shell that prevented them from melting.  He decided it would make a great item to sell, got a patent for his version, and M&M’s hit stores in 1941 from a factory in Newark, New Jersey.


Birthday cake M&M’s come in red, yellow, and blue color pieces.


The two M’s in M&M’s represent the names of Forrest Mars, Sr. and Bruce Murrie, son of Hershey’s chocolate company president.  This cemented a partnership with Hershey’s to use their milk chocolate in the candy as Hershey’s had control of all rationed chocolate during World War II.  During the war, the candies were sold only to the military where they became an instant hit.  After the war, demand skyrocketed.


In 1950, each piece was branded with their now signature M for the first time.  However, it was black until 1954.


Also in 1954, Peanut M&M’s were introduced but were only tan in color.


Since 1991, M&M’s have been sold in a variety of flavors with the first being peanut butter.  Now, it seems that a new flavor and special limited editions are hitting stores on a regular basis, with the latest being birthday cake flavor.


Packaged in a light blue bag, the birthday cake M&M’s are only red, yellow, and blue in color.  The size of the candies are a little bigger than a standard M&M, almost as big as the peanut sized version.


The package contained 22 pieces and retailed for $1.42, but was on sale for $1 at CVS.


Cross section of a birthday cake M&M.

Cross section of a birthday cake M&M.

Sadly, it’s hard to taste any birthday cake.  The flavor is basically like a regular milk chocolate M&M and the insides are the same color and texture as well.  I’m sure ate side by side there would be a subtle taste difference, but they’re really nothing special (and who would do that, anyway?)


Other current M&M flavors include dark chocolate, pretzel, peanut, peanut butter, raspberry, dark mint, almond, and dark chocolate peanut.


THE 411


Name: birthday cake M&M’s


What: special flavor of M&M’s chocolate candies


Released: February 2014, mass release scheduled May 2014






Skip them and buy a standard bag of M&M’s, because they don’t taste any different.  While this product is a good idea, these need to be reformulated with more birthday cake taste.  These probably won’t be around long, once people realize this flavor is just a gimmick.

[Desert Droppings] Bulls’ Balls, Bonbon Boobs, & The Nastiest Gun in the (South) West

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It all started with a visit to the ABQ Museum of History and Art. There we enjoyed a guided tour of a vibrant exhibit of African-American Art and wandered through a determinedly multi-cultural display of historic artifacts representing early life along the Rio Grande valley- Spanish Armor and muskets, Native American Pottery.  “Vamos back to Spain or we’ll shard you into oblivion!” Yeah, we all know how that turned out!
Then, on to a room full of ornate saddles, stylized leather and lace costumes, intricately woven ceremonial ponchos, and other unique  accoutrements of Mexican rodeo pageantry.
A reserved, scholarly museum docent conscientiously pointed out the snake and eagle shaped handles on the ceremonial swords carried by the horseback riders; the traditional familial patterns in the geometric designs on the ponchos; the smooth pale leather coated saddle pommels…and then her  voice dropped to a whisper as she beckoned me to examine the saddle pommel up close.  With an undocently giggle, she informed me in hushed tones that the saddle pommel was covered by “the tightly stretched skin of a bull’s scrotum.” Whooeee!  I love art!

All this culture can make a person hungry.  Right around the corner from the museum’s sprawling structure and sculpture laden Dessert--012214--Candylawn is a modest adobe building which for 30 years has housed The Candy Lady store.  The small, cramped shop is stuffed like a Kaluah cream-filled truffle with sweets.  In addition to the scrumptious truffles, there are chocolate caramel nut confections, malted milk balls, licorice sticks, trays of fabulous fudge.  In a tiny alcove  marked “Adults Only,” lie shelves of chocolate boobs, male genitalia, provocative nude figures- all of whose chocolate forms are artfully decorated with titillating spots of pink frosting. These edible naughty bits ( a staple of bachelor/bachelorette parties and 40th birthday bashes) share space with mildly risqué  greeting cards, and T-shirts with wink, wink, nudge, nudge messages like “Dip me in chocolate and have me for dessert.”
Legend has it that in 1982, The Candy Lady’s “sex-themed candies” (as the ABQ Journal so delicately recounts) aroused an “angry protest” by a local church.  But, to the disappointment of those party-pooper parishioners, their case melted like a cocoa cock in a hot tub. It seems the city officials couldn’t find a single prudish zoning ordinance that The Candy Lady had violated!
With the advent of “Breaking Bad,” The Candy Lady expanded its tasty tongue-in-cheek offerings and began selling meth-blue rock candy. Stuff a fistful of these cool ABQ souvenirs in your backpack and saunter through the Sunport security line.  I dare you!Dessert--012214--CandyMeth

You’d think that all would be mellow as mint in this endearing scrap of Old Town real estate.  But, no. In a show of arrogance, avarice, and all-around idiocy, the son of The Candy Lady’s landlord (Boo! Hiss!) has decided to get all legal and sign-on-the-dotted-line about the shake hands and pay as you go agreement dear old dad had for decades with The Candy Lady.  A pox on your penuche, you two-bit Trump twerp! It looks like The Candy Lady will be ousted from its venerable location in family friendly, quaint and cozy Old Town, and in its place will be a gun shop!  How’s that for going ballistic?

Which leads neatly from sweets to this sour morsel from the ABQ Journal, bearer of the banal and the bizarre.  This incident actually occurred in ABQ’s neighbor city, snooty, artsy-shmartsy Santa Fe, where anyone with a clay pot and a corny painting of chili peppers can call themselves “collectors.”  Santa Fe , where an “artist” and her boyfriend were arguing about space aliens and she got really pissed and ….What?!  Oh, the space aliens. Well, you know, should they be allowed to get NM driver’s licenses; or be granted intergalactic political asylum; or be forced to learn English and be forbidden to speak Venusian while bagging groceries at Whole Foods? The usual stuff.
Anyway, this enraged artist reached between her legs, performed an intimate act, and whipped out a gun from her private lady parts.  Although there was absolutely no chocolate involved, this pistol packin’ mama was arrested and booked for aggravated assault.
Note to space aliens- If you can read this, you’re way  too close to ABQ crazy rays. Take my advice. Beam yourselves up and away!  Warp speed, Mr.Sulu!
Try Roswell.
Just another day in the Q.  How sweet it is!