(2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
Loading...Jersey Joe checks out ten foods that you should avoid eating before flying in an airplane.
What: foods to avoid before flying
Why: various causes, mostly gastrointestinal
It’s up to you, if you believe these. But, I’m not going to take any chances!!!
(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)Loading...Jersey Joe uncovers a bunch of hilarious bad online reviews for restaurants, hotels, and national landmarks. How mad were these people to post these kind of reviews?
What: Bad online reviews
Posted to: Yelp, travelocity, delivery.com
Have you ever taken a second to read comments people post about your favorite restaurant, hotel, or national park? Some people really like to vent their frustrations online. Take a look, next time you order online. If you find any good ones — send them along to me @JerseyJoe50. I’d love to share them!
(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)Loading...Can you name these 5 foods being mixed up in a blender? Watch Jersey Joe’s friends try!
What: foods being whipped up in a blender
Purpose: None, really — entertainment value?
This would actually make a great party game. Record some food being whupped up in a blender on your IPhone and let the family fun begin!
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...Drive home with the radio on. Consider turning the radio off because you don’t want to crash. Be absurdly grateful that the cops are slowing traffic down right when the decision is read. Realize that it is because you are passing the exits to Crenshaw, Leimert Park, and West Adams. Get angrier and sadder all at once.
Clutch the wheel until you realize your hands are going numb. Go to the grocery store. Hope irrationally that no one talks to you, because you don’t have anything to say today. Buy milk, cheese, wine, and a can of cinnamon rolls. Think about salad. Decide against salad. Salad is for easier times.
Try to pay, think you lost your debit card. Freak out a little. Apologize a lot. Get home, park, realize your debit card was in your wallet the whole time, just in the wrong slot. Consider calling the store to apologize. Realize that doing that would be the mark of a crazy person.
Put on water to boil. Wash the lid, but don’t dry it. Put the bottle of white wine in the freezer.
Melt half a stick of butter in a pan on too-high heat. Turn down the heat. Realize it’s too much butter. Decide not to care.
Pour the macaroni in the boiling water. Stir it a couple times.
Throw a handful of flour into the butter. Stir it around. Think about Ezell Ford. Wonder what his family is feeling. Now you’ve got a roux.
Realize that you forgot to grate the cheese. Turn the heat off on the roux. Grate the cheese. Contemplate just eating the cheese and abandoning the mac. Grate more cheese.
Turn the heat back on the roux. Stir it until it starts smelling good and not like flour anymore. Pour in milk, a little bit at a time. Stir it thoroughly, carefully, until you have a velvety pile of what looks like whipped goat cheese. Wonder if Mike Brown’s mom makes mac and cheese this way. Mutter “fuck it, none of this matters” and pour the rest of the milk in too quickly. Now your bechamel has all the heft of milk.
Drain your pasta most of the way but not all the way because there are still dishes in the sink and you can’t be bothered to do them and pull out the colander.
(Wonder ten minutes later why your pasta is overcooked and realize it is because you’ve basically been steaming it with the water left in the bottom of the pot.)
Turn the heat up on the mostly-cold mostly-milk bechamel and stir in the cheese a little at a time. Remember Tamir Rice. Wonder if he liked mac and cheese. Throw in the rest of the cheese and a whole lot of black pepper and paprika and chili powder.
Pull out a big bowl. Stir around the macaroni that is sticking to itself and breaking apart and start to pour it into the bowl. Pour in disgusting and starchy cooking water. Pour the water out of the bowl. Spoon the pasta into the bowl. Stir it again. Take the wine out of the freezer.
Stare vacantly at the bowl for a while, thinking about Renisha McBride.
Stir the cheese sauce. Ask it angrily why it won’t thicken. Turn the heat up.
Repeat previously two steps, replacing Renisha McBride with Trayvon Martin, Danroy Henry, John Crawford III, the Scottsboro Boys, and on and on and on until you can’t stand to think anymore.
Pour the sauce over the pasta. Struggle to open the bottle of wine. Find a bag of butter lettuce in the fridge and make a salad, because the sun will rise again tomorrow and you’ll need your vitamins. Pour a big glass of wine.
Eat your food. Sift through Twitter. Message your friend about the links between poverty, violence, power, and racism. Tell her to get home safe. Pour more wine when she says “I will, I’m white.” Share messages about Ferguson. Look for updates on national protests. Wonder if making mac and cheese is racist at a time like this. Despair at your own internal racism. Hope you can be better than you are and listen more, do more.
Don’t cry. You have no right to cry, because your sons, if you have them, will probably be white, and will live.
Make your can of cinnamon rolls. Eat two. Go to bed. Wake up and do the work.
Use recipe whenever a person of color is gunned down by law enforcement. You may care to increase your exercise regime as more ad-hoc executions of people for the crime of living are expected this year. Side effects may include anger, frustration, rage, shame, and a sense of helplessness. If you are an educated white person with adequate financial resources, the sense of helplessness is psychosomatic and may be treated by checking yourself, donating to civil rights organizations, taking to the streets in solidarity, and shutting the hell up about how what people of color are saying is true is not in your experience and is therefore invalid. You might also read James Baldwin, bell hooks, James H. Cone, and Alice Walker.
Mac and cheese will keep for 5-7 days in an airtight container in the fridge, and racial discrimination and criminalization of people of color apparently has no expiration date, because everything is terrible forever and America continues to be broken.
(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)Loading...Just about all of us have had a meal at McDonald’s at one point in our lives. Everyone is equally familiar with their signature Big Mac sandwich. Those two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onion, on a sesame seed bun. The sandwich has gone unchanged for half a century, but now thanks to competition – another restaurant is trying to “one up” the Golden Arches, by replacing those beef patties – with chicken!
The McDonald’s Big Mac
The Big Mac was developed by a Pennsylvania McDonald’s franchisee in the 1950’s. The special or secret sauce that makes up the sandwich is rarely used by McDonald’s on any other products.
In fact, it has happened only twice.
McDonald’s once sold a Mac Jr., which was a single cheeseburger, topped with the Mac sauce, lettuce, and pickles. For a brief time in 2011, a Mac Snack wrap was also sold which featured half of a hamburger patty, the secret sauce, cheese, lettuce, pickles, and onion wrapped up in a flour tortilla.
This year, McDonald’s has expanded their Quarter Pounder sandwich line by offering a new Bacon Clubhouse burger which features a quarter pound beef patty, cheese, bacon, lettuce, tomato, red onion, and the Big Mac secret sauce on a special Kaiser roll. This is the first time the sauce has ever been used on different burger. McDonalds also has a chicken option, where you can get chicken instead of beef, but with the secret sauce the taste, just isn’t very good.
The Big Mac is sold at most worldwide McDonald’s locations, but there are several variations, including versions that replace the beef with a chicken patty and more. (read more about the international versions here). But, none of these have ever been sold in the United States.
McDonald’s has been facing some stiff competition lately in a fast food burger war, by their greatest opponent – Burger King.
The Burger King Whopper sandwich.
Burger King has its own signature sandwich, The Whopper. But, they’ve fired a torpedo at the Golden Arches by creating their Big Mac knockoff – the Big King.
The Big King was first introduced back in the 1990’s, but was reformulated and only sold for a limited time. However, it made a big return last year worldwide and is now once again assembled identically to a Big Mac.
For my money, the Big King just tastes better. I like the flavor or BK’s flame broiled patties and I think their sauce is just a hint more subtle. I think you can swap Big Mac sauce for regular tartar sauce and not know the difference. BK’s sauce is more similar to Thousand Island salad dressing. (which, maybe it is?)
The Chicken Big King.
Burger King is going for round 2 in the burger war, by adding a chicken version to their menu. Introduced a couple weeks ago, America can now feast on the Chicken Big King.
I decided to finally give one a try and Burger King is making it easy by offering two for $5 as a special, which really is a deal. The sandwich uses two of the basic lightly spiced chicken patty BK uses on their value chicken sandwiches.
Once again though, I don’t think the special sauce works with chicken. It tastes like a fish sandwich with tarter sauce.
That was the same issue I had with the chicken version of McDonald’s Chicken Clubhouse sandwich (which they gave me by mistake the time I ordered, but I tried it anyway.) The special sauce just doesn’t work for chicken. The taste reminds me of the Filet-O-Fish.
But, for a limited time BK is selling these on their 2 for $5 promotional menu. These items rotate on a regular basis, so if you are interested in trying one, I wouldn’t wait around that long. The sandwich is sold for a limited time only.
But, thanks to the fast food war, Americans can now experience what diners in other countries have for years and that’s the chicken version of the Big Mac or Big King.
The Chicken Big King contains 660 calories and 37g fat.
Name: Chicken Big King
What: chicken version of McDonald’s Big Mac or Burger Kings Big King sandwiches
Where served: Burger King restaurants worldwide
Introduced: 2014
Availability: Limited Time Only
While I again applaud Burger King for trying and testing a new sandwich, I say skip this one. You’re better off just going for the regular Big King.
Image credits – Don, Chandra Marsono
(3 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)Loading...New York City – thousands of bars and restaurants dot the island, catering to both hard working locals and tourists alike. Grand Central Terminal is one of the world’s busiest and most famous train stations. The terminal itself holds many secrets, from a hidden train car for presidents to a chamber where you can hear someone talk from 20 feet away! It also holds a secret saloon! One that you would never know is there, unless you walk right into it.
Hundreds of trains and thousands of passengers that pass through the terminal each day are served by dozens of shops and restaurants inside the long, winding passages. One of the most famous is the Oyster Bar restaurant. Known for fresh seafood, the restaurant is a popular place to dine in the city and can even been seen in the opening credits of Saturday Night Live.
The main entrance to the Oyster Bar Restaurant in Grand Central Terminal, New York City
The Oyster Bar opened along with the terminal, itself in 1913.
But, hidden off to the side is a little known New York secret… the Oyster Bar contains a separate bar/dining area known as the Oyster Bar Saloon.
Inside the dimly lit Oyster Bar Saloon
I had never heard of the place, but a co-worker who frequents Grand Central discovered it and invited me along for a trip.
The entrance is located along the back side wall of the Oyster Bar restaurant.
To find it, you must enter the main Oyster Bar, located atop the ramp to the dining concourse. Once inside, make an immediate right and walk all the way to the side wall. Then, make a left and the door will be located a few feet in front of you to the right. A simple sign marked “Saloon” behind a row of tables with a gold door, marks the way. Don’t be scared, you will be walking right through the main restaurant full of diners.
Upon arriving inside, a hostess will greet you and seat you. The place is very popular during their 4:30 – 7pm Happy Hour (Monday through Wednesday), where beers go for as low as $4 and oysters for $1.25. That’s when we arrived and the place was nearly packed. The Oyster Bar and the Oyster Bar Saloon were both closed for several months, recently for cleaning and renovation. Both reopened in March and judging by the crowd inside, people are finding it once again.
While the Oyster Bar features the same design curves and lights as Grand Central Terminal, the Oyster Bar Saloon features dark red wallpaper, wood paneling, and dim lights. It’s actually like stepping back into the 1970’s. I was almost expecting to see people smoking their Lucky Strikes. Fortunately, New York banned smoking almost a decade ago.
We were seated at a table in the middle of the busy restaurant. The place was nearly packed. The bar, which I guess could seat around three dozen, was full and there were only a couple of open tables. There wasn’t a line, but had we gotten there a few minutes later, we would have had to wait.
The massive menu.
As soon as you sit at the table, the waiter is right there, handing you a giant 8 ½ x 14 menu that’s quite overwhelming. There are well over a hundred items to order, with seafood making up most of the menu. For those who don’t care for seafood, there’s a small assortment of salads, burgers, and kids meals. The menu is the same as what you will find in the main Oyster Bar.
The server was back in mere minutes and we ordered drinks. Most draft beers run from $6-$8, which is about a dollar more than most New York bars, but on par with what you’ll find at one of the city’s train stations.
There is so much to choose from, we both needed a few more minutes, but was ready by the time the server returned.
I went with the Jumbo Lump Maryland Crab Cakes and even though the place was packed, they arrived in about 10 minutes. The plate featured two large crab cakes, fries, and a saucer of marinara type dipping sauce.
The Maryland Crab Cakes. Gordon Ramsay would approve!
These may have been the best crab cakes I’ve ever had! Absolutely succulent! The cakes themselves were full of Maryland crab with a hint of carrots and some other vegetable. This was no imitation crab – this was real and you could tell by the very fresh taste. I was nearly full after eating both, but still had my fries. I never thought marinara sauce would work with crab cakes, but it’s the perfect companion!
It was well worth $27!
The only bad part is the layout of the seating. Our table was really small and our two meals, took up most of the room. There was an assortment of condiments on the table including ketchup, hot sauce, and sea salt. There’s not a lot of room to move around though, let alone store your bag and coat. I was on the side nearest to the aisle by the bar, and was constantly getting bumped by both servers and other customers.
Being in New York City though, they turn tables around here, fast! As soon as group gets up, a server immediately goes over and removes the plates, while another sets up fresh plates, linen, and napkins. Tables do not stay empty for long during the afternoon rush.
The servers here are well trained and were right on it as soon as my water, beer, or plate was empty. And they were extremely knowledgeable about that giant menu!
By the time we finished our meals, it was around 8pm, and since Happy Hour was over the place started to quickly clear out. We decided to move to the long L shaped bar for a few more and to check the place out.
The other secret staircase entrance…
…leads to this plain gold door.
To the left of the bar is a white staircase that leads to a second little known entrance/exit. At the top, a non-discreet gold door leads to a side entrance to the subway and a couple of stores, one of which is a Rite-Aid. While the door is marked with a small sign, it blends in so well — I can say that I’ve walked down that corridor dozens of times, and never noticed it.
Another odd feature of the restaurant is the restrooms. They are definitely worth a look. Just past the secret stairway, a door leads to a waiting room with chairs, and two doors. One marked with a baseball glove for the men’s room and the other marked with a pair of leather lips for the ladies room. People were hanging out in a waiting area, just sitting there between the doors. Not sure if they were waiting for someone in the can, but it had the feeling of a 70’s doctor’s office.
Last call for the bar is at 9pm. We got one more drink as the place really started to shut down at 9:30. We paid and walked back through the main Oyster Bar to exit.
Interestingly, while the Oyster Bar serves alcohol, to get to an actual bar, you need to enter the Saloon. The main restaurant consists of long while community tables and has always been designed that way. So, while the famous Oyster Bar experience gives you the feelings of the early 20th century, the Oyster Bar Saloon fast forwards a few decades later to the 1970’s. Either way – you win with some of the freshest seafood in Manhattan!
Name: Oyster Bar Saloon
What: hidden bar/restaurant
Where: Grand Central Terminal, New York City
Cross streets: 42nd Street & Park Avenue
Subway connections: 4-5-6-7-S and Long Island Railroad
Hours: Monday – Saturday 11:30am – 9:30pm, closed Sunday
Price range: a little more than most NYC restaurants
All the way to the back and to the left in the main Oyster Bar restaurant, lies the Oyster Bar Saloon.
What a neat place to discover! The food is great and the ambiance is fun. It kind of feels like you’re part of a secret club when visiting this place. It does feel a little odd walking right through the Oyster Bar restaurant, while people are dining to find that hidden door, but that makes it part of the fun!
I’ll definitely be back and would happily take both friends and out of town visitors. The prices are a little more than what you would pay at a normal NYC restaurant, but you’re paying for fresh seafood and the location. The beers are about one to two dollars more.
Just be forewarned, it can get a little packed during Happy Hour, and there could be a wait. Go around 7:30pm, after it’s over, for a better chance at a seat and less of a crowd. They will seat you until 9pm.
Image credit – Victoria Pickering
(No Ratings Yet)Loading...Back when we used to have Seders at my grandparents’ apartment- there were four things we could always count on:
for that joke in ’86. Livin’ the dream- Pop-Pop!As a result – at each Seder, we were subjected to two sets of food directives- one from my Grandmother and one from God or, G-D as the Jews refer to him (G-Dizzie to his homies).
G-D: The Passover lamb is a Passover-offering to the Lord, because He passed over the houses of the children of Israel in Egypt when He struck the Egyptians with a plague, and He saved our houses.
Grandma: Ronni- eat something- you never eat anything.
G-D: They baked Matzah-cakes from the dough that they had brought out of Egypt, because it was not leavened; for they had been driven out of Egypt and could not delay, and they had also not prepared any other provisions.
Grandma: Peter- that’s enough. You don’t need any more.
G-D: The marror you shall eat because the Egyptians embittered the lives of your ancestors with hard labor.
Grandma: Here, Heather- I made these brownies for you.
G-D: Thus did Hilel do at the time of the Bet HaMikdash: He would combine Passover — lamb, Matzah and Maror and eat them together, as it said: “They shall eat it with matzah and bitter herbs.”
Grandma: Ralph- put that brownie back. He knows he can’t have that.
G-D: One is not to eat any dessert after the Passover-lamb.
Grandma: Peter! Stop that! Those brownies are for Heather.
And this is actually quite appropriate, because Passover is the ultimate expression of Jewish Food Mishigos (“mishigos” is a Yiddish word for craziness- or, not so much craziness- maybe hang-ups- or ,no, that’s not quite right- idiosyncrasies? Obsessions? Quirks? Fixations? Aaaaarrggh!! This semantic mishigos is making me cray-cray.). I mean, every Tom, Dick and Shaniqua will tell you that their ethnic group expresses love through food, hell that’s easy- just throw down some collard greens and lasagne, but we
Jews can use food to express so many more complicated emotions like shame, guilt, smug self righteousness, subversive glee and punishing self-loathing- there’s no end to our versatility! Hell, we’re the Meryl Streep of fucked up food feelings and everyone else is, like…Scarlett Johansson. And we only have G-Diddy to thank for giving us the stringent, baffling and totally random dietary laws that made us completely insane- whether we actually still follow them or not! What, you think Vegans and Gluten Free-kazoids invented “making yourself feel morally superior by flaunting your self-imposed, arbitrary, medically unnecessary dietary restrictions?” Hell no! Trust me- if you want to punch the d-bag at Taco Bell ordering a vegan Waffle Taco, then you should have seen that first a-hole Israelite who walked into a Philistine restaurant and loudly ordered “kid boiled in it’s mother’s milk” with the mother’s milk on the side.
I should add, by the way, that even though I’m talking about G-Dubs a lot, I’ve always had trouble believing in him. I mean, it’s hard to imagine that the Lord God Almighty- Creator of the Universe would personally give a crap if I ate a cheeseburger. And if it is true-why would I worship a micromanager like that? I mean, seriously dude, learn to delegate- don’t you have angels for this stuff?? I’m sorry, I know you got my people out of Egypt and everything, but I’m simply not gonna validate your crappy leadership style. It’s bad enough I’ve got a First Lady who won’t let me eat French fries, I don’t need some bacon hating deity getting all up in my business. What’s the matter, G-D- Ray Lewis has retired and you need shit to do? Go work in 
mysterious ways or take up macrame or play pull my finger with your hippie son – just get off my ass.
Also- let’s be clear- I don’t actually keep Kosher (that’s what we call following the Jewish dietary laws, for those of you that have never actually met a Jew but for some baffling reason are still reading this?? Maybe on a dare?) Most Jews don’t. It doesn’t matter. Jews have the same relationship to food that Catholics have to birth control- it doesn’t matter whether you actually follow the rules- what maters is that you know there are rules you are supposed to be following and that you have complicated emotions about not following them.
Anyhow- as if the whole Jewish food situation wasn’t complicated enough- on Passover it gets way more complicated- because on Passover, we’re not supposed to eat any leavened bread or bread products because when our forefathers fled from Egypt so quickly they didn’t have time to let their bread rise- which, I think takes like 5 minutes, and realistically, there’s no way any group of Jews ever moved fast enough so that they couldn’t wait 5 measly little minutes for the fucking bread to rise. I mean you could make an entire three tiered wedding cake AND decorate with motherfucking buttercream roses in the time in the time it takes my family to leave the house for Olive Garden and THAT’S if no one has to pee. If we were leaving slavery? Forget about it- bagels, cookies, goddamn chocolate souffle – it would be the best Passover ever. But, OK, whatever, the ancient Jews moved a lot faster than we did, so as punishment for their efficiency we can’t eat bread or anything else that gets puffy when it’s wet cause- I guess it’s…sort of like bread? So- no corn. And no beans- unless you really, really like beans in which case beans are ok- but no rice. Unless you really, really like rice in which rice is ok- but no beans. Definitely no rice & beans together- YOU HEAR THAT ZATARAIN’S?? WHY WON’T YOU LEAVE ME ALONE??? And no corn syrup cause it’s got the word “corn” in it. And beer, cause God’s kind of a G-Dick. But if you were to look it up in the Bible- the only thing you’d see was the requirement to eat matzah. The rest is commentary upon commentary from generations of Rabbis who were clearly being paid by the hour.
This is typical of Jewish law- like, let’s say there was a rule in the Bible that said “Thou shalt not juggle chainsaws on 
Tuesdays.” OK, great- no problem. But then…the rabbis come along and say….”well….what if your calendar is out of date, or you forget what day of the week it is- you could end up juggling chainsaws on a Tuesday- so- it’s probably best to avoid juggling chainsaws altogether.” OK, great, so no chainsaw juggling, fine.
But then…another rabbi comes along and says “Well….what if you’re juggling clubs and somebody throws you a chainsaw? You’re going to have to catch it and juggle it and then if your calendar is out of date or you forget what day of the week it is then you could end up juggling chainsaws on a Tuesday. So…to be on the safe side….it’s probably best to avoid juggling altogether.” OK, great, so no juggling, fine.
But then…another rabbi comes along and says “well…what if you’re picking up a bunch of clubs to move them from one place to another, and you start to drop one so you end up accidentally juggling and then somebody throws you a chainsaw so you end up juggling it and then your calendar is out of date or you forget what day it is you could end up up juggling chainsaws on Tuesday.” OK, great, so no handling juggling implements of any kind ever, fine.
And it goes on and on and on like this until the rabbis decide that it’s really best if we just cut off our hands completely because if you have hands you might see a bunch of juggling implements on the ground and then you might be tempted to pick them up to move them out of the way and then you might start to drop one of the clubs so we’d accidentally start juggling and then someone would throw a chainsaw at you so you would have to catch it and juggle it as well and then your calendar might be out of date or you forget what day of the week it is THEN YOU COULD END UP JUGGLING CHAINSAWS ON A TUESDAY! And 
THAT’S why you can’t eat corn syrup during Passover. Makes sense? Great! Mazal Tov on your Bar Mitzvah- have an Israel Bond and a Tallis clip. Today you are a Jewish man.
Now most normal Jews wouldn’t go so far as to cut their hands off- especially cause that’s why there was a rule against juggling chainsaws in the first place, but there would be some hard core followers of Reb Schtumpy who would proudly walk with their stumps in a custom made fur muff, just like the rebbe used to (of course he lived in Poland and they live in Los Angeles, but never mind) confident in their moral superiority. Then again it’s pretty impractical to have your hands cut off- so most Schtumper Hassidim would get fancy, high tech prosthetic hands which they could use to do everything – including juggle chainsaws- which is technically permissible because they aren’t using their real hands! Don’t you see? It makes total sense! Just like the way hardcore Jews will spend days before Passover purging every single crumb of bread and cake and cookies from their homes and then go out of their way to make fake bread and cake and cookies that taste just like the real thing. Because, clearly, our ancestors didn’t have
time to let the bread rise- but Kosher for Passover marble cake? Sure! No problem! Plenty of time. Can I get you some disturbing gummy fruit with that?
Anyhow- my point here is that being Jewish is complicated, nobody knows how to do it right so we all pick and choose the stuff we want to do and so if you see me at a diner next week having eggs and bacon and matzah DON’T FUCKING JUDGE ME.
And, of course, I’m totally exaggerating with this chainsaw example. I mean- there’s no way Jews would ever use elective surgery as an expression of faith. Just ask my penis.
But what’s this Passover thing all about anyhow? Well, it’s about remembering how we Jews were slaves in Egypt and then G-Diddy set us free. That’s the story that we tell when we gather for the Seder, the big ritual dinner on the first & second nights of the holiday. Well, it’s the story we try to tell- I mean, good luck actually following it if you go to a Seder. Cause the way the Seder is set up, it’s like the worst committee meeting you could possibly imagine where everyone just keeps going off on tangents and nothing can ever get done:
“OK, everybody- we’re going to tell the story of Passover. First we were slaves in the land of Egypt…”
“Wait- I’ve got four questions”
“OK- well, we’ll be answering those as we go along- but, first, we were slaves in the land of Egypt and we’ve gotta tell the story all 
the days of our lives.”
“Wait- just the days or also the nights?”
“Uhm- I guess the days and the nights.”
“And does this include the days now or the days after the messiah comes?”
“I guess it includes all of them. Look, the point I’m making here is that we’ve gotta tell the story about how we were slaves in the land of Egypt.”
“Wait- how would we tell this story to a wise child?”
“Uhm- I guess that with the wise child we would say that….”
“And don’t forget about the Wicked Child- it’s critical that we address the needs of the Wicked Child!”
“Well for the Wicked Child….”
“And I’m very concerned that we haven’t discussed the Simple Child?”
“And I see nobody’s even mentioning the Child Who Doesn’t Know How to Ask- I guess the Child Who Doesn’t Know How to Ask is getting marginalized AGAIN.”
“ALRIGHT. I get it! Nobody is trying to marginalize the Child Who Doesn’t Know How to Ask. We’re gonna tell each child the version of the story they can best understand. The point is that Lord, our G-d freed us from the land of Egypt with a strong hand and an outstretched arm and brought ten plagues upon the people of Egypt.”
“Uhm- excuse me. I there were actually fifty plagues- ten for each finger in G-d’s hand.”
“50- you’re smoking crack- there were 200 – 40 for each finger.”
“Uhm…gon’t you mean 250? 40 for each finger plus another 50 for his outstretched arm? Plus- I think your use of ‘smoking crack’ is racist and inappropriate”
“ENOUGH! There were 10 Plagues. 10. Just 10. That’s it! Is nothing ever enough for you people?”
“Of course”
“Yeah”
“Who are you calling ‘you people’?”
“I mean- if he had just brought us out of the land of Egypt and not carried out judgments against them- that would have been enough”
“Well- I don’t know about that- but certainly if he had carried about judgments against them and not against their idols- that would have been enough”
“Oh- I don’t know about that- but I do think that if he had destroyed their idols and not smitten their first born- now THAT would have been enough.”
“ALRIGHT. Enough already. Let’s eat.”
“Hurray!”
“Food!”
“Wait- can you explain why eat matzah again?”
“AAARRGGGGGHH!! At this rate we’re going to be telling this fucking story all the days of our lives!”
“All the days- or the nights too?”
So there you have it- absurd dietary requirements, a baffling ritual dinner and a story that we try to tell every year and never succeed- and I haven’t even mentioned the constipation. I can’t wait! No, really, that’s not sarcasm, I actually can’t wait. I love Passover. Why do you ask? Well, in typical elliptical Jewish fashion- I’m gonna answer with a story.
Every year I go to Albuquerque for Passover to have the Seder with my parents. Some times the whole family is there, sometimes lots of friends, other times- it’s just me and them. One year my dad broke his hip right before Passover and was in a rehabilitation facility. There was no way he was going to be out in time for the Seder, so we had no choice. We packed up the wine, matzah and bitter herbs and told the story of Passover in a lounge at the rehab facility. And as we went through the Seder, various nurses and attendants would pop their heads in to ask us, nicely, what the hell it was exactly we were doing. When we told them- they would immediately rattle off a list of all the Jews they’ve met- making sure to reassure us repeatedly that they were all just lovely, and they would all sample matzah- which they invariably enjoyed. Goyim love matzah-WHY???? Was this our best Seder ever? FUCK NO. Seriously- have you been to one of these rehab facilities? Fucking depressing. It’s all linoleum tile, hospital smell and old people on recumbent bikes trying to pedal to freedom (of course most of them don’t know their kids have sold their house out from under them while they were in there and they haven’t told their parents cause they’re afraid they’ll give up on life). Still- we did it. We giggled at “house of bondage”, I said “month of Datsun” and, even though my Grandmother couldn’t make the trip out there- I’m pretty sure we all figured out how much to eat. And if not…she’ll never know the difference. We couldn’t open the door for Elijah cause too many people would have escaped (Kidding! Kidding! There was no one there mobile enough to run away) but we did everything else. And when we said “this year we are slaves, but next year we are free” – well, I think that meant a little something extra to my Dad.
So- there. Now do you see what’s so great about Passover? No. Well, frankly me neither. I mean, I could have told the same story about Thanksgiving and the food would have been a lot better. But that’s not the point. The point is that Passover is coming whether we like it or not so we might as well make the most of it. Huh. That’s terrible. That’s like the least inspiring thing I’ve ever read. OK- well, maybe something better will come to me in Albuquerque. Meanwhile, I can’t wait to hit Taco Bell next week for a Matzah Waffle Taco. Just don’t tell my grandmother. 
(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)Loading...M&M’s, the milk chocolate candy that melts in your mouth, not in your hands has been rolling out all kinds of new flavors and now, they’re making every day your birthday with their new Birthday Cake M&M’s.
Forrest Mars, Sr., son of the founder of Mars Candy Company came up with idea for M&M’s in the 1930’s. He had witnessed Spanish War soldiers eating pieces of chocolate candy with a hard chocolate shell that prevented them from melting. He decided it would make a great item to sell, got a patent for his version, and M&M’s hit stores in 1941 from a factory in Newark, New Jersey.
Birthday cake M&M’s come in red, yellow, and blue color pieces.
The two M’s in M&M’s represent the names of Forrest Mars, Sr. and Bruce Murrie, son of Hershey’s chocolate company president. This cemented a partnership with Hershey’s to use their milk chocolate in the candy as Hershey’s had control of all rationed chocolate during World War II. During the war, the candies were sold only to the military where they became an instant hit. After the war, demand skyrocketed.
In 1950, each piece was branded with their now signature M for the first time. However, it was black until 1954.
Also in 1954, Peanut M&M’s were introduced but were only tan in color.
Since 1991, M&M’s have been sold in a variety of flavors with the first being peanut butter. Now, it seems that a new flavor and special limited editions are hitting stores on a regular basis, with the latest being birthday cake flavor.
Packaged in a light blue bag, the birthday cake M&M’s are only red, yellow, and blue in color. The size of the candies are a little bigger than a standard M&M, almost as big as the peanut sized version.
The package contained 22 pieces and retailed for $1.42, but was on sale for $1 at CVS.
Cross section of a birthday cake M&M.
Sadly, it’s hard to taste any birthday cake. The flavor is basically like a regular milk chocolate M&M and the insides are the same color and texture as well. I’m sure ate side by side there would be a subtle taste difference, but they’re really nothing special (and who would do that, anyway?)
Other current M&M flavors include dark chocolate, pretzel, peanut, peanut butter, raspberry, dark mint, almond, and dark chocolate peanut.
Name: birthday cake M&M’s
What: special flavor of M&M’s chocolate candies
Released: February 2014, mass release scheduled May 2014
Website: www.mms.com/
Skip them and buy a standard bag of M&M’s, because they don’t taste any different. While this product is a good idea, these need to be reformulated with more birthday cake taste. These probably won’t be around long, once people realize this flavor is just a gimmick.
(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)Loading...You take bacon, you take beer, you dedicate a bar to serving them both and you’ve got just about every man’s dream! It’s happening – in New York City!
NYC certainly has no shortage or great restaurants and bars. Just about any theme or cuisine you desire can be found here. But, every once in a while a new place just commands special attention – and the new BarBacon is it! The only question is – what took so long for someone to come up with an entire bar devoted to bacon?
Inside BarBacon, New York City.
BarBacon opened their doors in December 2013 and judging by the crowd; this place is already a hit! Last Friday, it was packed with after work New Yorkers hungry for beer and bacon! As the evening rolled on, the place became standing room only. By 5pm the bar was completely full.
BarBacon’s Old Fashioned
Their concept is simple, assorted craft beer and spirits mixed with a menu where just about every item features bacon. Beers start at $6 ($3 during 4-7pm Happy Hour) and their specialty cocktail menu starts at $13, which includes cocktails like the Bacon Bloody Mary, Smoked Maple Lemonade (lemonade with Maple Syrup), and a Bacon Old Fashion (which comes with a Brown Sugar rim).
Their location at 836 9th Avenue between 54th & 55th streets makes it convenient for both locals and tourists. The interior design features warm wood wall coverings, black bar and table tops, with an open view into the stainless steel kitchen. Exposed soft lighting helps add to the warm, yet rustic industrial feel.
One of the highlights of the appetizer menu is a $20 beer and bacon flight. Four 4 oz. draft beers are paired with four different types of bacon. Or, you can opt for a $12 bacon only sampler.
Even the garnish on the bacon slides features bacon!
The restaurant proudly serves the following bacon varieties:
• Nueske’s Smoked Applewood Bacon – family smoked bacon from Wisconsin
• Nodine’s Peppered Bacon – fine coated in course black pepper and smoked with hickory & maple hard wood, from the New England Berkshires
• BarBacon Lamb Bacon – salty, smoky, sweet lamb bacon
• Father’s Country Maple Bacon – from a family farm in Kentucky, features flavor of natural, hickory smoke with a glaze of brown sugar
• Peppered Turkey Bacon
• BarBacon Veggie Bacon
This place has cooking bacon down to a science! While bacon is generally really greasy, it is not the case here. Each slice is cooked medium-well. Not too crispy, but not rubbery, either. They have found the perfect cooking temperature!
The bacon lobster roll.
The sandwich menu features multiple specialty burgers, sandwiches, and rolls – all of course, come with bacon.
While I opted for the classic BLT (which was awesome with a huge stack of bacon for $11), my friend Craig ordered their much hyped lobster bacon roll ($18), featuring chunks of real lobster, which he said was absolutely fantastic.
The bacon popcorn.
Another of their crazy menu items is the bacon popcorn, which features small chunks of bacon shaken into a funnel of popcorn – another home run!
The BLT with a side of bacon potato salad. Note: sides do cost extra & are not included with all sandwiches.
To go with my sandwich, I also tried a side of their bacon potato salad. It featured large chunks of bacon, mixed in with large chunks of potatoes, egg, and a light mayo. I enjoyed it, but found the egg taste a little much. I’m not a fan of giant chunks of hard boiled egg and yoke, which this prominently featured.
They also offer a small dessert menu, which includes ice cream and cookies. As of now, none of the dessert items really feature bacon, but online rumors state they are working on their own bacon ice cream and hope to have that ready in a few weeks.
With the Super Bowl in town this weekend, I’m sure fans would love to make this place a highlight of their Big Apple experience!
What: BarBacon
Location: 836 9th Avenue, New York City
Ambience: bar/casual dining
Website: www.barbacon.com
This place is quickly becoming one of New York City’s best kept secrets and is part of the new gastropub restaurant phase. Once the place fills up, it can get a little loud, but I was there on a busy Friday night and people were drinking the work week away. We got there before the crowd, but the volume went up as the place got packed. I saw multiple people walk in and walk back out when they saw how busy it was. Your best value is definitely during the 4-7pm happy hour.
Expect to pay around $50 for a meal that includes appetizer, beer, entrée, and dessert. Of course, the more drinks you have the higher the bill. The cost for the beer is about $1 more than you generally pay around the Hell’s Kitchen area in my opinion for a name brand draft.
It’s a great meal and a great place to talk about. It’s in a convenient location for locals and would be great for tourists as well. I plan on bringing my out of town friends there and definitely will be back for another meal. While it’s probably not the best place to take a first date or kids, more established couples or guys out on the town will find it the perfect spot. Besides, who doesn’t like bacon!?!?
While there is a small vegetarian menu, sadly this is probably not their scene!
You’ll find more information about the restaurant on their Facebook page. Their main website is still under construction. Also, look for daily specials on the blackboards above the kitchen.
