Pop quiz – what’s the most influential band of 2013? (HA! “Pop” Quiz for a music test! I kill me!)
a. Daft Punk
b. Vampire Weekend
c. The National
The truth is- it’s none of those bands- and it isn’t Boards of Canada or Everything Everything or any of the other bands whose names I learned when I Googled “what’s the most influential band of 2013”. No- the most influential band is clearly Hatebeak, which combines the punishing drums of Blake Harrison, the incendiary guitar work of Mark Sloan and the screeching, squawking and oddly repetitious vocals of Waldo the Parrot. That’s right- Waldo the Parrot. It’s the most exciting new band to feature a non-human lead singer since Deathtongue changed their name to Billy and the Boingers and KISS broke up.
By using a parrot as a lead singer, Hatebeak makes a statement about the music industry- the way in which bands are just expected to mindlessly “parrot” whatever The Man tells them to do, the way artists in America are little more than trained birds, kept in a gilded cage and repeating their simple tricks for petty rewards from their Big Corporate Handlers. They are also making the statement: “because my chronic and excessive marijuana use has severely and irreparably damaged my decision making ability I put a fucking parrot in my band. Dude, wanna go to Jack in the Box?”
Their most recent album also features Caninus, which uses two barking dogs as their lead singer to spread their message of animal rights, vegnaism and the importance of adopting homeless animals- although the only message the dogs seem to be able to communicate through barking is “somebody’s outside. Somebody’s outside! SOMEBODY’S OUTSIDE! SOMEBODY’S OUTSIDE! OUTSIDE! OUTSIDE! OUTSIDE! OUTSIDE! SOMEBODY’S OUTSIDE AND I’M FREAKING THE FUCK OUT ABOUT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!IT MIGHT BE A SQUIRREL!!!!SQUIRREL!!!!! Wait, i’ts not a squirrel. I’m going to sleep” which, I guess sort of sounds like an important statement about eating Tofurkey and saving the world.
So enjoy this article- and be sure to check out the sample track from their album Bird Seeds of Vengeance- and laugh all you want at Waldo- he does “what he wants, when he wants” – and if that isn’t rock n’ roll, I don’t know what is.
Just a couple quick questions:
1. Uhm…..why are these guys holding a gun?
2. If putting a parrot in your heavy metal band as a lead singer doesn’t disqualify you from buying a gun, then WHY EXACTLY DO WE BOTHER DOING BACKGROUND CHECKS IN THE FIRST PLACE?