I was all set to write about some laughably ill-advised name changes which have occurred in Albuquerque over the past few months. First, there was the re-naming of the University of New Mexico sports stadium (aka “The Pit”) as Wise Pies Arena (aka “The Pit”) to pay homage to a nondescript mini-chain of local pizza parlors who will pay a grandiose $10 million over the next ten years (aka”S-u-u-u-re they will!”)
And there was the ABQ credit union that ditched its staid albeit cumbersome moniker “New Mexico Educators Federal Credit Union” for the catchy new name,”Nusenda.” That’s right, “Nusenda.” Does it have some arcane monetary meaning? Well, Nusenda, the credit union, was named after…after failing to realize that it sounds more like an anti-bacterial bathroom cleaner than a financial institution. “Nusenda, usenda those germs down the drain.”
In fact,” Nusenda”has no meaning. It just sounded to some marketing consultant like a name folks would associate with ” the future of banking.” They really said that! Even the obvious “We lenda, uspenda @ Nusenda!” has yet to make it onto a billboard.
THEN- came the name change of all name changes. Not, alas, in ABQ, but in that star tossed realm where media meets mashugannah to spawn reality TV and tabloid fodder like the Kardashians and their spin- off Caitlyn ( formerly known as Bruce) Jenner. Now, I mean no disrespect to transgender people. I say be all ( or who) that you can be. Let your inner guy or gal out. It’s a somewhat freeish country, after all.
Welcome, Caitlyn. You look mah-velous, girl! Weren’t you clever to flaunt your independence from the Kardashian Klan by choosing the name Caitlyn with a “C”- a refreshing change from Kris, Kim, Khloe, Kendall, Kourtney, and Kylie. (Yes, there is a website devoted to Kardashian names!) Caitlyn-with-a-C, you amaze me. You really do. Especially, your spectacular debut in that girdlely garment on the cover of Vanity Fair. I haven’t seen a push-it-up, pull-it-in corset like that since I wore one to fill out and hold up my strapless, yellow, chiffon frock at the Junior Prom!
And tell me, please, how can Caitlyn at 65 look younger than Bruce did in 1980? Was it his bushy eyebrows and 5 o’clock shadow? (Yes, indeed, I did my research and scrutinized all 21 of the Bruce to Caitlyn photos that Us Magazine posted.)
And just one more thing –
Your striking Vanity Fair image aroused my curiosity, raised a question, brought up a point I’d like to clarify,while stiffening my resolve to be totally accepting and non-judgemental. Is lovely Caitlyn once, twice, three times a lady? I mean… If Mattel makes a Caitlyn doll (and she soooo deserves that accolade), would Caitlyn the Doll be …um…you know..anatomically correct?
What? Don’t tell me some of you weren’t wondering!
But, hey, I’m sure all will be revealed in mind- melting detail when Caitlyn’s very own reality series airs. That is, if there actually will be a show, because, before you could say, “Estrogen plus Photoshop” the media spotlight shifted from “Cashin’ in on Caitlyn” to “Racin’ Around with Rachel.” Transgender, say Hello to Transracial.
Just like that, in the 24 hour news cycle , Caitlyn disappeared like yesterday’s tweet, while Rachel, a white woman passing as black- now that’s BREAKING NEWS! A deluxe perm, hair dye, tan blush, and attitude trumped 10 hours of feminizing surgery!
(And speaking of Trump, is he the GOP’s answer to Kim, Khloe, et al, or what?!)
But as for Caitlyn and Rachel…
WHOA! STOP! TIME-OUT!
Don’t read another word here! I am soooo sorry. I forgot to post a trigger warning at the beginning of this post. Now don’t go all NRA on me. A trigger warning, while providing protection, has nothing to do with firearms. According to Kathleen Parker, a syndicated columnist featured in the ABQ Journal, trigger warnings are trending on college campuses. A trigger warning is a sign or notice that a speech or course “might express an idea that could trigger an emotional response” which could make some students uncomfortable. Should students unwittingly be exposed to disconcerting discourse, colleges are providing “Safe Zones” where they can hug a teddy bear or blow bubbles to calm their troubling thoughts. Here I’ve been delving into topics which might just be a tad more thought provoking than the latest cat video and I totally forgot to warn readers that a burst of critical thinking and prolonged mental stimulation could be serious side effects.
QUICK! Picture fluffy pillows and cuddly blankies. Ahhh that’s better. Everybody comfy? All pleasant and p.c? Good.
Whew! Following the lead of Georgetown, Rutgers, and Brandeis Universities, future Desert Droppings posts will be purged of all that is snide, satirical, sharply opinionated or apt to trigger emotional eruptions. Ok? Good. Look forward to sensitive, brain – numbing posts like “Learn to Love Your Swamp Cooler” and “Getting Along With Garden Snails.”
Shhhhh Look around. Have those intellectual Tinkerbells flown off to Never Clever (or contradictory or conflicting or confounding or concerning or controversial ) Land?
Is it just us curmudgeons who believe that college is where if you’re not uncomfortable , you’re not learning? Hey, kids! What good is it to be broadbanded, if you’re narrow minded?
BTW , did you hear the one about the snail, the cop, and the politician with a leaky swamp cooler?
SAFE ZONE ALERT!
Relax. Just testing. Nothing to think about here. Nothing at all.