Yes. This is totally cheating. Grease 2 is not a tv show but….it aired on TV this week and I love the hell out of it. You heard me. I am unabashedly a fan of Grease 2.  Sure it has dopey songs like Reproduction (sample lyric: “Put your pollen tube to work”) and Do It For Our Country (about trying to get laid in a bomb shelter). But it has Prowlin’ (“Walk, talk like a T-Bird”).  It has Cool Rider! That’s its beauty. There are silly songs and cheesy choreography but it also has wonderfully silly songs and fantastically cheesy choreography. Also, this:

The Pink Lady Pledge:

To act cool

To look cool

And to be cool

‘Til death do us part

Think Pink!

Think pink, y’all.

Short synopsis: Michael is Sandy’s cousin from England (Sandy being Olivia Newton-John from Grease) and he falls for the Pink Lady leader, Stephanie Zinnone. She wants a “cool rider” so Michael learns to ride a motorcycle and become a cool, mysterious biker. Stephanie falls madly for him but doesn’t know it’s actually Michael! When this cool enigma on wheels shows up, the cast sings:

Who’s that guy?

The man on the cycle.

What would they say if they knew it was Michael?

They would say, “Hey, it’s Michael” because IT IS SO OBVIOUSLY HIM.

But Steph goes for a ride on his bike with him. Kisses him. But still doesn’t know who he is all because he keeps his helmet and goggles on. He even knows there’s a talent show at Rydell High. This gives her a moment’s pause but then goes on with her life. Will the truth ever be uncovered?

I won’t ruin it but-spoiler!-there’s a happy ending where everyone sings at a luau.

That’s not everything. Besides the two-year progress from racing cars in Grease to riding motorcycles, these Pink Ladies and T-Birds don’t go to soda shops or drive-ins. No, they bowl!  They do. There’s even a song where the cast sings, “Let’s bowl. Let’s bowl. Let’s rock ‘n’ roll.” and “We’re gonna score tonight! We’re gonna scor-or-ore to-ni-ight!” And there’s dancing with not real bowling balls.

Speaking of dancing: one time back in Chicago, some fellow Planet Hollywood servers and I watched this movie and tried to learn the Cool Rider choreography. Yes, I’m making the embarrassing confession that I used to work at Planet Hollywood. That also happened to be the same night that we watched some horror movie where a possessed woman sticks a lipstick into her nipple. We did not try to emulate that.

Now why go to all the trouble to learn Stephanie Zinnone’s big Cool Rider number? Because Michelle Pfeiffer is awesome in Grease 2. She has the tough girl accent like she’s from New York even though it looks like California. She flips her collar up and wears Capri pants.  She pops gum and replies to the question, “Are you free today?” with “I’m free everyday. It’s in the Constitution.”  I think I’m going as Stephanie Zinnone for Halloween this year.

Since Steph is already taken, other potential Grease 2 costumes could be Lorna Luft as the Marilyn Monroe-esque Pink Lady Paulette, Christopher McDonald as Goose the T-Bird who says “Ert!” (and maybe I do as well but I’m not sure if that is something I should admit…)  or Adrian Zmed as Johnny Nogerelli, pre-Dance Fever. (Side Note: Do you remember Dance Fever? It was a show where three “celebrities” judge amateur disco dancers. So you think So You Think You Can Dance is a new thing? Oh no. And Zmed wasn’t even the first host. The first host was Deney Terrio who sued Dance Fever producer Merv Griffin for sexual harassment. Fun fact!) You could always go as Maxwell Caulfield as either Michael Carrington or the Cool Rider. I think you should go as the “Is he dead?” Heaven Fantasy Sequence Cool Rider who is decked out all in gold and says things to Steph like, “Only you can keep our love alive!” Sad to think he died? See previous luau-singing spoiler.

Have I convinced you that Grease 2 is great? I’m not the only one. A friend said to me yesterday that she may prefer Grease 2 to the original. I said, “You will receive no judgment from me.” So please, check it out for yourself. Then come back here and tell me that I’m insane and now you have no confidence in anything that I deem great. Because it won’t change my mind on this.

Grease 2: You bowl me over.

Written by: Mandy Ratliff on May 23, 2014.