What better way to celebrate the Fourth of July then to watch a show about super rich American ex-pats in London? Especially when two of them decide to unironically throw a July 4^th party. Even more especially when one of them starts to loudly sing the National Anthem at said party. Then she pulls out some lingerie that was given to her. This causes one of the British London Ladies to be appalled on cue and leave to smoke a cigarette. Which causes the American to follow her and call her rude. And the Brit to call her “special needs”. Then Caprice (!) butts in to defend the Brit and get mad at the other Brit for not being offended for First Brit.

Disclaimer!!! Yes, it is a Real Housewives type show. But lest you think I’m a regular Real Housewives junkie, I have yet to see one second of any of the Real Housewives shows. And to further my defense, it’s not called Real Housewives of London so my record still stands. So what’s the attraction? I love me some London and love, love any chance to get a peak at life there. Even though I know that real life in London does not involve luxury gift businesses with bedazzled office phones.

I feel I should do a proper introduction of the Ladies:

Marissa is the American who is throwing the Independence Day BBQ.  She has thrown a July 4^th party every year; it is sort of her “thing”. Her British restaurateur husband is very supportive, mumbling something like “fourth of July barbeque…for my wife…” She’s been in London a few years and will soon become a British citizen. I wonder how she’ll celebrate next year? Perhaps she’ll throw a party and then an American will make her leave.

Marissa’s co-host, who doesn’t really do anything except drink wine spritzers, is Juliet. She of the Star Spangled Banner and the rant at the rude Brit. Juliet is the brash American that is required for a show like this where a lot of the confessionals center on the differing versions of rudeness and manners. Her run-in with Annabelle at the bbq carried over for at least two episodes. Damn, I just confessed to watching more than one episode.

The offended Brit is Annabelle. She was a good friend of designer Alexander McQueen and is still shaken up by his suicide. That, however, has nothing to do with her spat with Juliet. It was good old fashioned “Americans are uncouth, loud and embarrassing”. Such a cliché. AND I WILL TAKE OFF ALL MY CLOTHES AND YELL THIS FROM A MOUNTAINTOP. So untrue.

Then there’s Caprice(!). She came to London 17 years ago from the US to model sexily and now thinks she’s more British than American. She’s also 7 months pregnant and is expecting another baby through a surrogate.  Her name means “a sudden, impulsive, and seemingly unmotivated notion or action”. That explains why she felt the need to get involved in the Juliet v Annabelle non-event. And the fact that she got mad at Brit Caroline for not getting involved in the non-event.

I’m with Caroline on this one. She doesn’t take sides. Instead, she goes on with her life, reminding me of Doctor Who actress Billie Piper. She might be my favorite London Lady. Sure, Caprice(!) is right and everything is about Caroline but I respect the fact that she doesn’t give a shit.  She also calls herself a secret American and uses heavy sarcasm along with heavy eyeliner. One thing though, I am a little put off by her bedazzled office phone. So much so that you might think the phone figures prominently in every episode. It does not. It was only shown for a split second. 

There’s a supporting Lady who happens to be a real Lady: Julie’s father-in-law is the Earl of Sandwich. She’s also a yoga teacher from outside of Chicago.

Finally, the last Lady of London is Noelle, an American. She is in a relationship with Scott who is at the center of a nasty, tabloidy divorce. He even briefly went to prison because some assets “disappeared” before the divorce trial. He should go to prison for still tying sweaters around his shoulders. Noelle is getting antsy because the divorce has dragged on and she wants to move in together. She is also very keen on being a part of the London social scene. She also has Perma-Pouty Face.

This last episode from Monday had all the gals visit Mapperton House where Julie’s in-laws live. They had a shooting lesson, drank some cream tea, played croquet and dissed each other’s manners and outfits in the interviews. But there’s a definite highlight to the whole episode for me: Juliet asks the Countess of Sandwich if she has seen The Breakfast Club or Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. I ran that scene back because it was so wonderfully out of context. It’s like the editor was me and I saw that footage and thought, “Don’t care! That’s going in!” Thank you, Editor.

And thank you all for indulging my introduction into the rich-women-reality-show arena. Check out Ladies Of London. It goes without saying that it’s “Only on Brah-vo!”

Written by: Mandy Ratliff on July 4, 2014.