Loading...Once in 70,000 years, it happens (no, not another collision with a meteor carrying extraterrestrial life forms- another? Yup. Where do you think quinoa came from?). I’m talking about Hanukkah, which as an ABQ Jew I celebrate. November 28 is an astronomically rare chance to revel in Hanukkah and Thanksgiving on the same day. The media, ever ready to wallow in shtick, has dubbed this cosmic convergence “Thanksgivukkah.” The turkey shaped menorahs, menurkeys, are selling like Sunday morning lox at the deli (if ABQ actually had a deli). Recipes for pumpkin-cranberry latkes are claiming full -page spreads in that fish-wrappers’ friend, The ABQ Journal.
But, all is not gobblers and gelt in the Big Q and elsewhere. There’s a conspiracy, a plot, a Wall Street ploy to send families scurrying from Mom’s drumsticks and brisket to the MALLS!
Black Friday store openings have oozed like The Blob onto Thanksgivukkah Thursday. Thanksgivukkah, a once in a lifetime celebration of two legendary (ie not quite believable) events has been transformed into a frenzied feast – a Two Tums Up experience.
So, with apologies to Hallmark, get ready for my Thanksgivukkah card to you. Imagine on the cover a sweetly smiling multi- generational family lighting Hanukkah candles before a steaming golden-brown turkey. Holy Norman Rockwell!
Inside the card, in huge Target-red letters, the inscription, NOT THIS YEAR!…and this verse:
Forget over the river and through the woods.
It’s race to the stores and snap up the goods.
Quick! Spin the dreidel, ’cause you can only play ’till
The Gates of Greed swing wide.
Count your blessings and your coupons
Say a fervent thanks to Groupon,
And shove your way inside.
Inside Walmart! Inside Target!
Anywhere your shopping carts get.
Snuff the candles. Freeze the meal.
Line up for that early bird deal.
Thanksgivukkah comes once an eon,
But who cares, it’s buy 2, free 1!
L’Chaim! Cheers! Good will to all!
God Bless America and our local mall!
Happy Thanksgivukkah !
Anyone for leftover latke-encrusted turkey cutlets?
