Tag Archive for "New York City"

The Two State Lottery Challenge: The Rematch [Kicking Back with Jersey Joe]

(2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

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Posted by :Jersey Joe On : May 1, 2014

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Category: Been, Columns, Going, Kickin' Back with Jersey Joe, Topics, Travel

Tags:Bingo, bodega, gambling, instant games, Jersey City, lottery tickets, lotto, New Jersey, New Jersey Lottery, new york, New York City, New York Lottery, news stand, PATH, subway, vending machine, Wawa, winning, Zuma

Last year, I put the New York Lottery and the New Jersey Lottery to the test. I wanted to find out which state’s instant scratch off tickets paid off the most – The Empire State or The Garden State. Using the same amount of cash and a random selection of tickets, I joined the ranks of millions who are scratching off to win big bucks on these instant games.

Instant lottery scratch off tickets: they’re meant to play a fast game and to make a quick buck. It’s portable form of gambling that states have relied on for extra revenue since the 1980’s. (You can read about my original discussion of instant lottery games here). The instant games are more popular than ever, to the point where states are now installing vending machines to attract commuters to play on the go.

Lottery player uses the vending machine to purchase scratch off tickets at the 33rd Street subway station in New York City.

Last year, I invested $55 and stopped first at the New York Lottery vending machine at the 33^rd Street Herald Square station in New York City. I put $30 into the machine and randomly selected a number of tickets. Once I got off the PATH in Jersey City, I stopped at a local newsstand and had them randomly select tickets with the remaining $25.

After over 40 minutes of scratching, the New Jersey Lottery $25 investment earned me $42, while my $30 New York Lottery investment earned me only $4. I declared New Jersey the winner and the whole experiment left me with a net loss of $9.

You can read the full report of last year’s challenge here.

Now, these are supposed to be random games of chance, so to be completely fair, I decided that another challenge would be needed and I did just that last week.

Once again, I stopped at the New York Lottery vending machine at the 33^rd Street station and deposited $25. I again picked one large $5 ticket and then randomly chose a selection of lower denomination games. Once back off the PATH in Jersey City, I again stopped by the same newsstand and had the clerk select $25 in random games, with the only rule being that I needed one $5 ticket to match what I had purchased in New York City.

Upon arriving home, I examined the stack of tickets and here’s what I got:

From the New York Lottery – 12 tickets

$5 Million Dollar Money Clip

$3 Spin 3

$2 Lucky 8’s

$2 Happy Birthday

$2 Win $1,000 a Week for Life

$1 Loose Change

$1 Amazing 8’s

$1 5x Cash

From the New Jersey Lottery – 10 tickets

$5 Money Match

$3 Power Play Crossword

$3 Zuma

$2 Love to Win

$2 Classic Bingo

$2 Big Money Spectacular

$2 Win $1,000 a Week for Life

$2 10x Money

$2 Fire & Ice

$2 Hit $50’s

Since there were more tickets in the New York Lottery stack; I went with those, first.

I started with the lower denomination tickets and first up was the $1 5x Cash. To win, all I had to do was match 3 symbols. And…. a loser.

Then went with the $1 Amazing 8’s. Same deal, match three 8’s and win. Too bad, I lost again.

Next up was the $1 Loose Change. This game was a little different. The player is presented with six boxes containing coins. After scratching off the six boxes, the total of what’s inside must go over $1 to win a prize. Mine did! My total was $1.05. I scratched the prize box to reveal I had won my $1 back!

Finally, a winner!

Next up, was the three $2 Win $1,000 A Week for Life games. I was really hoping for a big win on this one. I could use a grand handed to me every week! Who couldn’t?

These tickets contain two games each. The first game is a classic beat the house game. The player is given a number, if the player number is higher than the house number – you win the prize shown on the line. On my first ticket – a hit! I bet the house 12 – 7 and won $2!

The second game on the ticket is the classic New York Lottery standard of matching three like dollar amounts. On the next two tickets, I did just that winning $2 and another $5!

Four winners in a row! Things were starting to look up for the Empire State!

I then went for the $2 Happy Birthday… another dud.

I then had 3 of the $2 Lucky 8’s games. In this game, you scratch off the player area which features a number and a prize amount. If your number matches one of two house numbers, you win the prize. If an 8x symbol appears, you win 8x the prize! A coin picture also denotes an instant prize win.

I scratched the first two tickets – and nothing. Finally, I went for the third ticket. Right away, I matched the house number of 16 and won $10! Further down the line, I uncovered an 8x symbol with a $5 prize that paid off $40! That’s a total of $50! I’ve never won that much on a scratch off lottery ticket in my life!

I still had two of the biggest tickets to go.

Next was a $3 Spin 3. This game was kind of lame, there’s no spinning involved. You are presented 10 different games. All you have to do is match three like symbols in each game to win the prize. Think of it as a slot machine on a scratch off card. It didn’t matter, I got squat.

Finally the big $5 Million Dollar Money Clip game. Match your number to one of the house numbers and win that prize. A 10x awards 10 times the prize and a coin icon wins that prize. Sadly, I got nothing here.

So, for my $25 New York Lottery investment, I walked away with $60!

Then it was time to do battle with the New Jersey Lottery. I started in the same order with the lowest tickets first and that was a $2 Hit $50s. (New Jersey doesn’t seem to offer $1 scratch off games.) Again, you have to match your number to one of the house numbers and win the prize shown. I matched with a 12 and won $2! Things were already looking up once again for the Garden State.

Next was a $2 Fire and Ice game that was definitely icy cold. Nothing. Same deal for $2 10x Money, $2 Win $1,000 a Week for Life, and the $2 Big Money Spectacular. The win $1,000 a Week for Life is a popular game that is available in many different states. I’ve played that in Pennsylvania in the past.

A New Jersey Lottery Bingo scratch off instant game ticket.

Now it was on to the $2 Classic Bingo. This game took a long time to play. You are presented with 25 Bingo Ball numbers on the left. You scratch them off one by one and play the numbers on one of your four Bingo cards. Payouts are different for each card and each way you get a bingo. There are 12 different payouts that are printed next to each game. After scratching off all the ball numbers, I had to transfer them to the game board. After 10 minutes or so, I had a diagonal bingo on card 2 and that scored me $2. Had that been on card four, that payout would have been $5.

I then went for the $2 Love to Win, which was a classic match the house number scratcher. No love here, I got nothing.

Next up was a $3 Zuma ticket. Have you ever played this game online? In the online game, you have to shoot at multicolored balls rolling along a track to make them disappear before reaching the end. I was surprised to see how well this turned this into a scratch off game.

It was one of the more unusual layouts. You are presented a circular game board with six games of balls presented in groups of three. If your three balls match the color, you win. Sadly, mine did not. It was a great nod to the online game, though.

Next was the $3 Power Play Crossword and this thing took a long time to complete. You uncover 10 house letters. The player is then presented with a completed crossword puzzle. You task is to take the 10 house letters and scratch them off anywhere they appear in the puzzle. If you complete three words, you win a prize. The prizes go up with the more words you completely uncover. A pay table is posted on the back. It was useless to me; I only rubbed off two words.

Lastly, was the $5 Money Match game. Same deal as many other tickets. You get 5 house prize amounts. If you match one, you win. If you match an amount, but yours is in green color, you win double the amount. Find a money bag and win $50. Find a green money bag and win $100! I matched and won $5.

So, the total won in New Jersey from my initial $25 investment was only $9. I lost $16 to the Garden State.

Many of the New Jersey games that I played were quite involved. Instead of just finding three like symbols as in most games, here you are required to use some thought. Matching the letters in the Crosswords game took some time as did the Bingo game. So, if you’re looking for instant gratification with matching three symbols, then look for the simpler games as some of the choices can get quite complex. The bonus with selecting one of these tickets from a vending machine is that you can take a closer look at what’s required before making your selection. It’s a little hard to do when there’s a ton of people in line at the bodega waiting to play their Powerball numbers and pay for a jug of milk.

The total time I spent scratching 22 tickets: 41 minutes 31 seconds. It was thanks to some of those complex games I got from New Jersey that added took extra time.

All the mess left behind after 40+ minutes of scratching off instant lottery tickets.

And here’s a look at the pile of shards left behind from all the scratching. Wonder if this stuff is toxic?

THE 411

What: Instant Lottery scratch off games

States played: New York, New Jersey

Denominations: $1 – $5

JERSEY JOE RECOMMENDS:

This was a completely different outcome from the last experiment. I won $60 in New York and only $9 in New Jersey. It was that one large hit on the NY ticket that changed everything. For my $50 investment, I walked away with $69. Not a life changing amount, but still a winner none the less.

The New York Lottery games also offer a second chance drawing. By going online and entering the code on the ticket, players have a chance to win more random prizes. That’s a great feature more state lotteries need to adopt.

The New Jersey Lottery has also gotten into the ticket vending machine business. They recently signed a contract with Wawa convenience stores to have machines installed in all of their Jersey locations. I hope this program extends to other stores throughout the state. Judging by the popularity of the New York machine at 33rd Street, New Jersey could make some big bucks putting these in train stations targeting commuters who are just standing there waiting.

With the second match now complete, the lottery challenge series is tied 1 – 1. It looks like I will have to do a tiebreaker in the future to find out which state has the loosest scratch off lottery tickets.

For more information:

The New York Lottery

The New Jersey Lottery

[Kicking Back with Jersey Joe] Uncovering a Hidden Bar Inside New York’s Grand Central Terminal

(3 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

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Posted by :Jersey Joe On : April 17, 2014

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New York City – thousands of bars and restaurants dot the island, catering to both hard working locals and tourists alike. Grand Central Terminal is one of the world’s busiest and most famous train stations. The terminal itself holds many secrets, from a hidden train car for presidents to a chamber where you can hear someone talk from 20 feet away! It also holds a secret saloon! One that you would never know is there, unless you walk right into it.

Hundreds of trains and thousands of passengers that pass through the terminal each day are served by dozens of shops and restaurants inside the long, winding passages. One of the most famous is the Oyster Bar restaurant. Known for fresh seafood, the restaurant is a popular place to dine in the city and can even been seen in the opening credits of Saturday Night Live.

The main entrance to the Oyster Bar Restaurant in Grand Central Terminal, New York City

The Oyster Bar opened along with the terminal, itself in 1913.

But, hidden off to the side is a little known New York secret… the Oyster Bar contains a separate bar/dining area known as the Oyster Bar Saloon.

Inside the dimly lit Oyster Bar Saloon

I had never heard of the place, but a co-worker who frequents Grand Central discovered it and invited me along for a trip.

The entrance is located along the back side wall of the Oyster Bar restaurant.

To find it, you must enter the main Oyster Bar, located atop the ramp to the dining concourse. Once inside, make an immediate right and walk all the way to the side wall. Then, make a left and the door will be located a few feet in front of you to the right. A simple sign marked “Saloon” behind a row of tables with a gold door, marks the way. Don’t be scared, you will be walking right through the main restaurant full of diners.

Upon arriving inside, a hostess will greet you and seat you. The place is very popular during their 4:30 – 7pm Happy Hour (Monday through Wednesday), where beers go for as low as $4 and oysters for $1.25. That’s when we arrived and the place was nearly packed. The Oyster Bar and the Oyster Bar Saloon were both closed for several months, recently for cleaning and renovation. Both reopened in March and judging by the crowd inside, people are finding it once again.

While the Oyster Bar features the same design curves and lights as Grand Central Terminal, the Oyster Bar Saloon features dark red wallpaper, wood paneling, and dim lights. It’s actually like stepping back into the 1970’s. I was almost expecting to see people smoking their Lucky Strikes. Fortunately, New York banned smoking almost a decade ago.

We were seated at a table in the middle of the busy restaurant. The place was nearly packed. The bar, which I guess could seat around three dozen, was full and there were only a couple of open tables. There wasn’t a line, but had we gotten there a few minutes later, we would have had to wait.

The massive menu.

As soon as you sit at the table, the waiter is right there, handing you a giant 8 ½ x 14 menu that’s quite overwhelming. There are well over a hundred items to order, with seafood making up most of the menu. For those who don’t care for seafood, there’s a small assortment of salads, burgers, and kids meals. The menu is the same as what you will find in the main Oyster Bar.

The server was back in mere minutes and we ordered drinks. Most draft beers run from $6-$8, which is about a dollar more than most New York bars, but on par with what you’ll find at one of the city’s train stations.

There is so much to choose from, we both needed a few more minutes, but was ready by the time the server returned.

I went with the Jumbo Lump Maryland Crab Cakes and even though the place was packed, they arrived in about 10 minutes. The plate featured two large crab cakes, fries, and a saucer of marinara type dipping sauce.

The Maryland Crab Cakes. Gordon Ramsay would approve!

These may have been the best crab cakes I’ve ever had! Absolutely succulent! The cakes themselves were full of Maryland crab with a hint of carrots and some other vegetable. This was no imitation crab – this was real and you could tell by the very fresh taste. I was nearly full after eating both, but still had my fries. I never thought marinara sauce would work with crab cakes, but it’s the perfect companion!

It was well worth $27!

The only bad part is the layout of the seating. Our table was really small and our two meals, took up most of the room. There was an assortment of condiments on the table including ketchup, hot sauce, and sea salt. There’s not a lot of room to move around though, let alone store your bag and coat. I was on the side nearest to the aisle by the bar, and was constantly getting bumped by both servers and other customers.

Being in New York City though, they turn tables around here, fast! As soon as group gets up, a server immediately goes over and removes the plates, while another sets up fresh plates, linen, and napkins. Tables do not stay empty for long during the afternoon rush.

The servers here are well trained and were right on it as soon as my water, beer, or plate was empty. And they were extremely knowledgeable about that giant menu!

By the time we finished our meals, it was around 8pm, and since Happy Hour was over the place started to quickly clear out. We decided to move to the long L shaped bar for a few more and to check the place out.

The other secret staircase entrance…

…leads to this plain gold door.

To the left of the bar is a white staircase that leads to a second little known entrance/exit. At the top, a non-discreet gold door leads to a side entrance to the subway and a couple of stores, one of which is a Rite-Aid. While the door is marked with a small sign, it blends in so well — I can say that I’ve walked down that corridor dozens of times, and never noticed it.

Another odd feature of the restaurant is the restrooms. They are definitely worth a look. Just past the secret stairway, a door leads to a waiting room with chairs, and two doors. One marked with a baseball glove for the men’s room and the other marked with a pair of leather lips for the ladies room. People were hanging out in a waiting area, just sitting there between the doors. Not sure if they were waiting for someone in the can, but it had the feeling of a 70’s doctor’s office.

Last call for the bar is at 9pm. We got one more drink as the place really started to shut down at 9:30. We paid and walked back through the main Oyster Bar to exit.

Interestingly, while the Oyster Bar serves alcohol, to get to an actual bar, you need to enter the Saloon. The main restaurant consists of long while community tables and has always been designed that way. So, while the famous Oyster Bar experience gives you the feelings of the early 20^th century, the Oyster Bar Saloon fast forwards a few decades later to the 1970’s. Either way – you win with some of the freshest seafood in Manhattan!

THE 411

Name: Oyster Bar Saloon

What: hidden bar/restaurant

Where: Grand Central Terminal, New York City

Cross streets: 42^nd Street & Park Avenue

Subway connections: 4-5-6-7-S and Long Island Railroad

Hours: Monday – Saturday 11:30am – 9:30pm, closed Sunday

Price range: a little more than most NYC restaurants

All the way to the back and to the left in the main Oyster Bar restaurant, lies the Oyster Bar Saloon.

JERSEY JOE RECOMMENDS

What a neat place to discover! The food is great and the ambiance is fun. It kind of feels like you’re part of a secret club when visiting this place. It does feel a little odd walking right through the Oyster Bar restaurant, while people are dining to find that hidden door, but that makes it part of the fun!

I’ll definitely be back and would happily take both friends and out of town visitors. The prices are a little more than what you would pay at a normal NYC restaurant, but you’re paying for fresh seafood and the location. The beers are about one to two dollars more.

Just be forewarned, it can get a little packed during Happy Hour, and there could be a wait. Go around 7:30pm, after it’s over, for a better chance at a seat and less of a crowd. They will seat you until 9pm.

Image credit – Victoria Pickering

[Kicking Back with Jersey Joe] When Earthquakes Rock Live TV

(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

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Posted by :Jersey Joe On : March 20, 2014

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Category: Been, Columns, Kickin' Back with Jersey Joe, Topics, Travel

Tags:ABC, Amber Alert, California, caught on tape, earthquake, EAS, Emergency Alert System, Fukushina, Japan, KTLA, live TV, local news, MLB, mlb.com, New York City, news anchor, news studio, newscast, NHK, Silver Alert, tsnuami, TV, Washington DC, World Series

Monday morning, people in the Los Angeles area were shaken awake by a 4.4 earthquake. While earthquakes are nothing new to California residents it still took some of the local news anchors by surprise on live TV. From the local news, to baseball games, to Judge Judy – let’s check out some awesome earthquakes caught on the air.

The greatest reaction to Monday’s earthquake had to be by the KTLA Morning News anchors. While a quake can be starting, should these two have kept a little calmer? You decide in this video that has gone viral…

http://youtu.be/SCJihgO5gmg

In Japan, broadcasters have earthquake warnings down to a science. The second the earth starts shaking, all shows are automatically interrupted by a series of audio chimes and a map, showing the location of the quake, and a computer voice giving viewers instructions.

This video was taken from the day of the big 2011 earthquake and tsunami in Japan. What’s interesting is not only do we get to see the first warnings about the quake (with live shots of their parliament meeting being shook up) but also at 1:32 we see the local news report as it interrupts the programming and then the quake strikes the studio. Listen carefully to the studio crew’s reactions as well. (It’s subtitled in English).

But it’s not over yet, stay tuned for the most shocking part. At 3:30 the emergency computer kicks off the local news for a tsunami warning. Listen how the alert tone and graphics take a much more serious tone. The computers give viewers an estimate as to where the wave will hit, how high, and how much time they have to evacuate. This tsunami caused massive devastation, including the near meltdown of the Fukushima Nuclear Power Plant that has left numerous towns abandoned. The live news coverage of the whole event is shocking.

Back in 2010, a magnitude 5.8 earthquake was centered in Virginia, but the effects were felt up and down the east coast. First, it interrupts a live streaming news show in Washington DC…

…and then strikes a live mlb.com webcast from New York. At first, the guy on the right is so focused on baseball stats; he won’t stop talking and really becomes a bigger bonehead with what he says at the end of the event…

One of the most famous earthquakes caught on live TV was during ABC’s coverage of the 1989 World Series from San Francisco. Here’s what viewers saw (including me) from coast to coast as the quake strikes during pregame.

Lastly, only an earthquake can silence Judge Judy in her court. Here’s what happened when a quake strikes as she’s taping an episode. She is so out of there!

While we still can’t predict an earthquake, with everyone now armed with mobile devices, social media, and 24 hour news; video and news of the events go out to the masses seconds after it happens.

THE 411

What: earthquakes caught on TV

Where: mostly West Coast and Japan – but, pretty much anywhere

JERSEY JOE RECOMMENDS:

Having been through the New York earthquake, you almost don’t realize one is happening until it’s already half way over. I’m sure my friends in California who have been through bigger quakes will have a different viewpoint. I’ve only ever been through one and that’s good enough!

That live newscast from Japan during the 2011 earthquake and tsunami is really powerful. It captures the whole event as it happened and I applaud whoever uploaded it for giving us a glimpse of that terrible day. I’m not sure why we don’t have an earthquake warning system here in the US, like they do there. Along with the tsunami warning system, it certainly saved many lives that day. We have Amber alerts, Silver alerts, and the Emergency Alert System, so why not one for earthquakes?

[Kicking Back with Jersey Joe] A Man’s Dream: An Entire Bar Devoted to Bacon!

(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

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Posted by :Jersey Joe On : January 30, 2014

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Category: Been, Columns, Going, Kickin' Back with Jersey Joe, Topics, Travel

Tags:after work, bacon, bacon flight, Bacon Lobster Roll, bacon popcorn, bar, BarBacon, beer, beer flight, BLT, burger, drinking, eating, food, grand opening, Happy Hour, new york, New York City, potato salad, restaurant, Super Bowl, travel

You take bacon, you take beer, you dedicate a bar to serving them both and you’ve got just about every man’s dream! It’s happening – in New York City!

NYC certainly has no shortage or great restaurants and bars. Just about any theme or cuisine you desire can be found here. But, every once in a while a new place just commands special attention – and the new BarBacon is it! The only question is – what took so long for someone to come up with an entire bar devoted to bacon?

Inside BarBacon, New York City.

BarBacon opened their doors in December 2013 and judging by the crowd; this place is already a hit! Last Friday, it was packed with after work New Yorkers hungry for beer and bacon! As the evening rolled on, the place became standing room only. By 5pm the bar was completely full.

BarBacon’s Old Fashioned

Their concept is simple, assorted craft beer and spirits mixed with a menu where just about every item features bacon. Beers start at $6 ($3 during 4-7pm Happy Hour) and their specialty cocktail menu starts at $13, which includes cocktails like the Bacon Bloody Mary, Smoked Maple Lemonade (lemonade with Maple Syrup), and a Bacon Old Fashion (which comes with a Brown Sugar rim).

Their location at 836 9^th Avenue between 54^th & 55^th streets makes it convenient for both locals and tourists. The interior design features warm wood wall coverings, black bar and table tops, with an open view into the stainless steel kitchen. Exposed soft lighting helps add to the warm, yet rustic industrial feel.

One of the highlights of the appetizer menu is a $20 beer and bacon flight. Four 4 oz. draft beers are paired with four different types of bacon. Or, you can opt for a $12 bacon only sampler.

Even the garnish on the bacon slides features bacon!

The restaurant proudly serves the following bacon varieties:

• Nueske’s Smoked Applewood Bacon – family smoked bacon from Wisconsin

• Nodine’s Peppered Bacon – fine coated in course black pepper and smoked with hickory & maple hard wood, from the New England Berkshires

• BarBacon Lamb Bacon – salty, smoky, sweet lamb bacon

• Father’s Country Maple Bacon – from a family farm in Kentucky, features flavor of natural, hickory smoke with a glaze of brown sugar

• Peppered Turkey Bacon

• BarBacon Veggie Bacon

This place has cooking bacon down to a science! While bacon is generally really greasy, it is not the case here. Each slice is cooked medium-well. Not too crispy, but not rubbery, either. They have found the perfect cooking temperature!

The bacon lobster roll.

The sandwich menu features multiple specialty burgers, sandwiches, and rolls – all of course, come with bacon.

While I opted for the classic BLT (which was awesome with a huge stack of bacon for $11), my friend Craig ordered their much hyped lobster bacon roll ($18), featuring chunks of real lobster, which he said was absolutely fantastic.

The bacon popcorn.

Another of their crazy menu items is the bacon popcorn, which features small chunks of bacon shaken into a funnel of popcorn – another home run!

The BLT with a side of bacon potato salad. Note: sides do cost extra & are not included with all sandwiches.

To go with my sandwich, I also tried a side of their bacon potato salad. It featured large chunks of bacon, mixed in with large chunks of potatoes, egg, and a light mayo. I enjoyed it, but found the egg taste a little much. I’m not a fan of giant chunks of hard boiled egg and yoke, which this prominently featured.

They also offer a small dessert menu, which includes ice cream and cookies. As of now, none of the dessert items really feature bacon, but online rumors state they are working on their own bacon ice cream and hope to have that ready in a few weeks.

With the Super Bowl in town this weekend, I’m sure fans would love to make this place a highlight of their Big Apple experience!

THE 411

What: BarBacon

Location: 836 9^th Avenue, New York City

Ambience: bar/casual dining

Website: www.barbacon.com

JERSEY JOE RECOMMENDS

This place is quickly becoming one of New York City’s best kept secrets and is part of the new gastropub restaurant phase. Once the place fills up, it can get a little loud, but I was there on a busy Friday night and people were drinking the work week away. We got there before the crowd, but the volume went up as the place got packed. I saw multiple people walk in and walk back out when they saw how busy it was. Your best value is definitely during the 4-7pm happy hour.

Expect to pay around $50 for a meal that includes appetizer, beer, entrée, and dessert. Of course, the more drinks you have the higher the bill. The cost for the beer is about $1 more than you generally pay around the Hell’s Kitchen area in my opinion for a name brand draft.

It’s a great meal and a great place to talk about. It’s in a convenient location for locals and would be great for tourists as well. I plan on bringing my out of town friends there and definitely will be back for another meal. While it’s probably not the best place to take a first date or kids, more established couples or guys out on the town will find it the perfect spot. Besides, who doesn’t like bacon!?!?

While there is a small vegetarian menu, sadly this is probably not their scene!

You’ll find more information about the restaurant on their Facebook page. Their main website is still under construction. Also, look for daily specials on the blackboards above the kitchen.

[Kicking Back with Jersey Joe] Is This Broadway or a Seat in Coach?

(2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

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Posted by :Jersey Joe On : January 16, 2014

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Category: Been, Columns, Going, Kickin' Back with Jersey Joe, Topics, Travel

Tags:airline, bar, Broadway, coach, coach seat, cocktail, concessions, flight, house seating, Iam McKellen, liquor, mezzanine, New York City, No Man's Land, Patrick Stewart, play, restroom, seating, show, Theatre

Love that feeling being crammed in coach on a long flight? Now, you can have that same feeling on Broadway!

My seat for No Man’s Land at the Cort Theatre on Broadway.

Broadway – dozens of shows and thousands of butts pack the seats every night. But, it seems like the theater owners are taking a page from the airlines and jam packing more and more people in.

A few weeks ago, I went to see No Man’s Land with two friends, starring Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen. We had $150 tickets, which put us in the front row of the upper balcony of the Cort Theater on West 48^th Street. Thankfully, being in the front row allowed us for a few precious inches of leg room. I looked back and the people sitting behind me, who basically had their knees in their chests. While the entire play was good, the first act of the show was a little long and dry. It was becoming harder and harder to sit as the act drug on, with my legs falling asleep and fighting for possession of the narrow arm rest. Not to mention, the air conditioning was off and it really started to heat up in there. I actually heard someone snoring behind me and saw several people nodding off all around.

Quite frankly, it was just flat out uncomfortable.

Sitting there that long reminded me of being on a long flight. The seats are expensive, there’s little room, and you’re crammed in there for hours at a time.

Space in New York is at a premium, but have the Broadway theaters have gone too far?

Take a trip to the restroom, you’ll always find a line. At the Foxwoods Theatre where I saw Spider Man: Turn Off the Dark (read my original review, here), men actually had to turn to the side to use the urinal. They may be the smallest bathrooms – I’ve ever seen!

Being local, I usually see at least one show a year. To me, I love the magic of the live stage performance, but the way they pack you in, I feel like a piece of cattle… just like on an airplane.

I get it. The shows are expensive to produce, with actors, stage hands, advertising, story rights, and theater rent all adding up to big bucks. So, the shows and venues are looking to maximize every dollar they can – and one way of doing so is by packing more people into the house.

Same deal with the airlines, the more fuel costs go up, the more seats they are adding to planes.

Sadly, the result for both is an uncomfortable experience for customers.

Another way both Broadway and the airlines are looking to cash in is the sale of alcohol. Up until a few years ago, only a few Broadway shows sold liquor, now almost all of them have multiple bars and allow patrons to carry a cocktail to their seats.

At No Man’s Land, they had a guy walking up and down through the lower seats selling candy!

Where else have I seen that? Oh yeah, on an airline! $6 for a giant box of Milk Duds or a half canister of Pringles!

Around 1850, theaters first began opening in their current Times Square location on Broadway. As smaller shows began closing downtown, the area was saturated with new auditoriums to satisfy New Yorkers and tourist demand for the shows. In order to be classified as a full Broadway theater, the venue must seat at least 500. (the same classification for a production to win a Tony Award.)

THE 411

What: Broadway Theaters

Location: Times Square Area, New York City

Number of seats: 500+

JERSEY JOE RECOMMENDS

So, where is the best seat in the house for a Broadway show? Take the advice of Ryan Dixon, who taught me years ago to always sit in the front row of the middle or upper mezzanine. You will get to see the whole stage and you’ll get a little more room!

Coincidentally, I now also find myself sitting there at Yankees games!

Image credits – Willem van Bergen, Peter Bellis, David Lytle

[Kicking Back with Jersey Joe] I Ate Inside a Train on the Roof of a New York High Rise

(2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

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Posted by :Jersey Joe On : December 12, 2013

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You take an old fashioned train car, park it on top of a New York high rise and you’ve got one of the city’s best kept secrets that’s been there for decades!

Recently, I’ve undergone a new philosophy – and that’s to break out of my normal pattern and find new places to eat, drink, visit, and dine. Working in New York City, my options are just about endless. I’ve ate and drank everywhere from a log cabin, to a trailer home, and now a railroad car parked high in the sky! We’ve shared many of these experiences in my blog and I’m happy to share another with you!

Le Train Bleu is parked on top of the 6^th floor of the Bloomingdale’s flagship department store at 59^th St. & Lexington Avenue in New York City. The restaurant is named after an actual French luxury train that would travel from Calais via Paris to the French Rivera from 1886 – 2003.

Le Train Bleu as seen from an overhead view via Google Maps.

While the restaurant is listed on Bloomingdale’s web page, only a few little signs inside the store actually list its existence. Zoom in on Google Maps and you will see the strange train parked on the roof of the original building.

The Bloomingdale’s flagship offers multiple dining options on various floors. The most notable are Magnolia Bakery and a David Burke restaurant, with other side cafes and a Starbucks. But, I was looking to try this unique train car experience.

A co-worker and I ventured over for lunch – and it was that, an adventure!

To access the restaurant, you will want to enter on the Lexington Avenue side and take either the elevator or escalator to the 6^th floor.

One of the few signs directing hungry guests to Le Train Bleu.

Upon arriving on floor 6, there are no signs directing to the restaurant. We had to circle the floor for a few minutes (and this store his HUGE, so it did take a little time) and finally started smelling some yummy food, so we knew we were close.

The stairs up to the platform where Le Train Blue awaits hungry Bloomingdale's customers.

Stairway up to the platform where Le Train Blue awaits hungry Bloomingdale’s New York City shoppers.

Indeed, that yummy was coming from a coffee shop area at the rear of the floor. But, right near the coffee, is a big sign on the ceiling pointing to a carpeted stairway. We walked down an aisle of a zillion Keurig K-Cups and arrived at the steps with a sign displaying the menu for Le Train Blue.

Upon climbing the steps, you actually arrive on a train station platform with a waiting train car!

While there are two sets of doors, the restaurant uses one as an entrance and the rear doors as the exit. So, we followed the paper sign, entered into the train car, and were promptly greeted by a hostess.

This must be a replica train car, but that doesn’t mean that the inspiration for the interior pieces aren’t from a real vintage train. If they’re not, there’s no way to tell. The car is wider than a standard train to allow for two rows of tables and a center aisle. There are doors at both ends, with one leading to the kitchen (the restaurant has its own kitchen up there) and the other leading to the platform exit.

The inside is decorated in early 20^th century wood that features two long overhead racks, just like in a passenger train where shoppers can place their coveted Bloomingdale’s Big Brown Bags. The walls are covered in green velvet and the tables with white linens and cloth napkins.

Overhead racks, just like those found in a real train car, are ready to hold shoppers bags at Le Train Blu at Bloomingdale's flagship store in New York City.

Overhead racks, just like those found in a real train cars, are ready to hold shoppers Big Brown Bags at Le Train Blue at Bloomingdale’s flagship store in New York City.

This restaurant is a little upscale, as is the Bloomingdale’s flagship store, but not like dining at the White House. We were both dressed appropriately in our work clothes.

Could this be outdoor seating? A spectacular view of New York City, Upper East Side high rise apartment buildings.

We were seated at a table by the window which offers a view of the neighboring high rise apartment buildings and a little roof porch. Maybe at one point, they offered outdoor seating?

While, the train could hold probably 200+ diners, only one other table was taken at 2pm and with that, only one other group arrived for lunch. With so few diners, the wait staff was basically waiting around, but was spot on with attention.

The Le Train Bleu menu.

I feel bad that I don’t remember the name of our server. But, she promptly greeted us and it felt like she’s worked there for decades. Her attitude was electric and she was like your New York City mother that makes sure you’re taken good care of. She loved to joke around and definitely enjoys her job and the unique location.

The lunch menu features everything from simple burgers, crab cakes, and salads to upscale continental cuisine such as steak frites, pecan chicken, grilled sea scallops, and sautéed calf’s liver. Sounds like the menu on Gordon Ramsay’s Hell’s Kitchen TV show, right?

You can also opt for the Prix-Fixe menu which includes an appetizer, entrée, and desert for a flat $42. They also offer an extensive menu of wines and other limited adult spirits, along with a kids menu.

Butter… Le Train Bleu, style.

We decided to go al a carte. I ordered a Caesar salad and the Sirloin burger. After taking our order, she was right back with a basket that contained several types of bread, and offers us a choice from the basket. She also gives us a large bowl of butter with the restaurant’s logo embossed in wax paper on the top. Classy!

The Caesar salad arrived and it was huge! It featured large slabs of Parmesan cheese with toasted rye bread croutons. It seems like there was almost a whole head of lettuce in there!

While starting on our appetizers, I noticed our waitress was attentively waiting off to the side and was right there the second we needed anything, including refilling our water.

Le Train Bleu burger.

About 20 minutes later, our burger entrees arrived. These are not your typical greasy spoon platters. Each featured bacon, sauteed onions, and Gruyere cheese. They were accompanied by a generous helping of steak fries and a hidden bonus underneath – beer battered onion rings!

All of the food is hand made to order. There’s no reheating a food service bag, here. Those were honestly the best onion rings I ever had. I could have done with an entire plate of those!

The burger was awesome and cooked to medium-well perfection. There’s definitely a blend of spices inside and the burgers were huge.

I was barely able to finish the meal, but it was so good, I was disappointed when it was over.

We got the check and were on our way back to work. Lunch was quick and the whole experience took around 50 minutes.

Bloomingdales opened their first New York City store in 1861. They moved to the present Upper East Side location in 1886 and eventually grew to take over the entire city block. The store is huge and encompasses several interconnected buildings, one as high as 10 floors.

The store is a throwback to the grand old days of downtown department stores. Before malls, stores like these were a destination, where families could shop for hours – hence the need for restaurants. This location is also known for their over the top Christmas display windows that draw large crowds every year.

There is another unrelated upscale Le Train Bleu restaurant located inside the Gare de Lyon railway station in Paris.

Interior of Le Train Bleu, situated on the 6th floor of Bloomingdale’s flagship department store, New York City

THE 411

Name: Le Train Bleu

What: restaurant located inside a train car on the 6^th floor of Bloomingdale’s flagship department store

Address: 1000 3^rd Avenue, New York, New York, 6^th floor

Hours: Monday – Saturday 10:30am-5pm; Thursday 10:30am-7pm; Sunday 11:30am-4pm

Website: Bloomingdales.com (New York City, Upper East Side location)

JERSEY JOE RECOMMENDS:

What a great, unique experience!

I asked other New York friends if they knew about this place and only one, did. This is a great experience for both tourists and locals and I will definitely make another visit. The hours are limited, so make sure you check their schedule, and remember they are not open late into the evening.

The total cost of my meal: $36.99 and was absolutely worth it for the experience. If you’re looking for a fun place to splurge in the Big Apple… this is it!

[Kicking Back with Jersey Joe] How to Beat Black Friday

(2 votes, average: 4.50 out of 5)

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Posted by :Jersey Joe On : November 27, 2013

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Category: Columns, Going, Kickin' Back with Jersey Joe, Topics, Travel

Tags:Best Buy, big box retailer, big sale, Black Friday, Black Thursday, department store, fighting, mall, New York City, PC Richard & Son, sale, shopping, stores, Target, Thanksgiving, waiting in line, Wal-Mart

You’ve seen the commercials for at least a week, the Sunday paper was jammed full of ads, and now we’re only a few hours away from BLACK FRIDAY. Well, that’s what it used to be until this year when more and more stores are opening tomorrow to ruin everyone’s Thanksgiving. It’s not for me – and I’ve got a fool-proof plan that beat’s the system, every year!

Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving in the United States, where stores have knock out sales to lure in Christmas shoppers that rake in a huge profit. Most stores open in the very early morning offering blockbuster savings such as a giant 52” HDTV for a mere $99. Bargain hungry shoppers, most of whom are non-retail workers that are off of work and school for the long holiday weekend, wait in line and rush in as the doors open to score the sale.

The stores have the complete advantage on this day. Most offer rock bottom prices with very limited quantities that are often gone in mere minutes. This leads to stampedes, shootings, injuries, and even deaths of both shoppers and workers.

Every year, the stores seem to open earlier and earlier. A few years ago they opened at 6am, then 4am, and last year – midnight. Now, many are opening on Thanksgiving Day. The almighty dollar has finally ruined a great holiday with family and only the stores’ bottom line will win.

Will you see me out and about at Black Friday this year? I say – screw that!

There’s no way that I am waiting in line in the early morning to cash in on a super limited sale. There’s no way that I am leaving my grandmother’s Thanksgiving dinner to go buy some electronic device, Thursday evening. But, I do cash in on these sales all the time and I’ve never once waited in a Black Friday line. My secret to beating the system – THE INTERNET!

Customers camp out in front of a Minnesota Best Buy store for Black Friday bargains.

Stores are so desperate to get your dollar this time of year, that most offer the same or better sales online. While you can’t go to the store and view the item, just look for those that offer FREE SHIPPING and/or FREE RETURNS. You’ll be surprised to find that most do. Many will allow you to return an item to a physical store, if need be. I always stick with either the traditional big box retailers, small town stores that have been around for a while, or Amazon.com.

Buy it online and get it shipped right to your home. So, you go ahead and stand in line… I’ll b doing my shopping at home, nice and cozy, while watching Star Trek.

Before Black Friday existed, stores would often use big Thanksgiving Day or early Christmas parades to show off their goods and sales. Most Thanksgiving parades feature Santa at the end, to officially kick off the holiday season. Another big ad lure was for departments stores to create elaborate holiday window displays with a grand unveiling, but that practice has gone by the wayside, since most mall locations don’t have display windows.

In 1939, order to get an additional week of shopping, President Truman moved up Thanksgiving by a week, but all he really did was tick everyone off leading to that year’s holiday to be called Franksgiving!

Customers volley for a Black Friday sale.

The name Black Friday was first used to describe the financial crisis of 1869, but the current meaning originated in Philadelphia in the early 1960’s, where it was used to describe the large amounts of pedestrians and vehicle traffic that would clog the downtown streets the day after Thanksgiving.

Retails have an alternate use of the term. Traditionally, they operated at a loss from January through November and these big after Thanksgiving crowds would be the day their books go “in the black.”

In 2011, Target, Kohl’s, Macy’s, Best Buy, and a few others opened their stores at midnight for the first time. The crowds came and last year, Wal-Mart decided to open their stores at 8pm on Thanksgiving and the crowds came. This year, many more stores and even shopping malls are following suit.

That is except in Massachusetts, where blue laws prohibit stores from opening on Thanksgiving Day. Applause to you fine people!

While stores and shoppers will no doubt benefit from the extra hours, the big losers are the store employees. Sure, they may make a few bucks more on this day, but most are forced to leave their family dinners and celebrations to run to work, just to be there for money grubbing shoppers. Those that volunteer to work win – but most stores require a full staff and extra security for the crowds, so you can bet that many are not so happy to be there.

There are certain jobs where you understand that you will be working on Thanksgiving and that’s usually known well in advance. Hospital emergency rooms, fireman, cops, TV news, movie theatres, Dallas Cowboys players, etc. Now, we have to officially add retail workers to the list.

Opening stores a few hours early on Black Friday is one thing as some families actually enjoy getting up early and going together for all the excitement. But, opening on Thanksgiving is just wrong. Everyone loses the family time, employees are forced to work.

A few stores have vowed not to open on Thanksgiving, which is now unofficially Black Thursday. PC Richard & Son, a New York electronics chain, is running ads on how they refuse to open on Thursday so employees can have the day with their families.

Thanks to Black Friday’s success in America, other countries now have Black Friday’s of their own including Canada, United Kingdom, and Mexico.

An entire website, blackfriday.com, is devoted to finding the best department store deals for the day to help shoppers plan their store to store shopping sprees.

And since 2005, the biggest day for online shopping is now known as Cyber Monday, or the Monday after Black Friday. Small Business Saturday has been around the following weekend for the past couple of years, to encourage shoppers to support their local stores.

And by the way, all those long Black Friday lines at the door = long Black Friday lines at the check-out. Double Whammy!

Black Friday shoppers wait in a long check out line at a Wal-Mart store.

THE 411

Name: Black Friday

What: day after Thanksgiving where stores offer mega discounts to lure holiday shoppers

Origination: Philadelphia

Website: blackfriday.com

JERSEY JOE RECOMMENDS

Take advantage of the Black Friday deals, but do so from the comfort of your home. Buy what you need online and look for the stores that offer FREE SHIPPING.

I get all of my Christmas shopping done in about an hour that way. This is the 21^st century, let technology do the work.

When the stores open at 8pm on Thanksgiving, my grandmother will be passing out the wine and baked goods. Our family’s celebration will keep on going for hours and it certainly not involved standing in line at a department store! But, it’s up to you to make your own family tradition.

It’s not worth ruining the lives of retail store employees – just to save a buck. I really think it’s shameful what Black Friday has become and the videos posted in this blog prove that point.

If you do decide to partake in the Black Friday madness, just remember one thing – manners.

Image credits – Michael Muni, Wang Shein, David Haines, Beth Rankin, and laurieofindy

[Kicking Back with Jersey Joe] Dogs vs. Elevators

(2 votes, average: 4.50 out of 5)

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Posted by :Jersey Joe On : November 21, 2013

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Category: Columns, Going, Kickin' Back with Jersey Joe, Topics, Travel

Tags:apartment, apartment building, dog, elevator, elevator accident, Equitable Life Building, hotel, New York City, Otis Elevator, pet owner

Dog owners in New York City apartment high rises all have the same duty, or doodie, each day – and that’s taking the dog out for a walk and a bathroom break. Forget this once, and they’ll be rewarded with a nasty accident on the carpet. Unfortunately, the only way down to the street is via the elevator. While they’re generally safe for humans, for some dogs – an elevator can quickly turn into a nightmare!

In this first security camera video – a woman talks to a neighbor while entering the elevator. Only, the dog stays behind! However, the only casualty will be about two dozen eggs!

In Russia, this man is nothing short of a hero when a little pug runs out while the doors are closing. This was taken from a local newscast.

According to the description, this guy is a New York City dog walker – isn’t his job to keep the dog safe?

The first elevators can be traced back almost two thousand years and were first put into use by inventor Archimedes around 236 BC. Elevators (or lifts as they are called in the United Kingdom) are designed to transport people or goods from one location to another by means of a lift.

Original patent drawing plans for Elisha Otis’s safety elevator from the US National Archives.

In 1852, Elisha Otis invented the first safety elevator design that is generally in use today. His elevator featured rollers that lock onto guides along the elevator shaft and will prevent the cab from a sudden fall, should a cable break.

The first passenger elevator was installed at 488 Broadway in New York City on March 23, 1857. In 1870, the Equitable Life Building, also in New York, was the first commercial office building to feature an elevator. Otis’ safety elevator made it possible for New York and other cities to build high into the sky. His Otis Elevator Company is the world’s largest manufacturer of elevators, today.

Elevators also feature infra-red beams that are supposed to prevent the doors from closing when a person or object blocks it. However, since dogs are small, they can sometimes not be detected by the beam, making it possible for the doors to close and the car to rise.

The National Elevator Industry Trade Association and the ASPCA offer a few tips for dog owners that help prevent a serious accident and proper etiquette when riding an elevator with man’s best friend:

• If the dog is small enough – hold it

• Sit your dog in a far back corner of the elevator car.

• Teach your dog not to jump on other passengers and children

• Train your dog or firmly grasp the leash, so they cannot to run for the doors as soon as they open, especially if the car stops on multiple floors

• Ask a fellow passenger’s permission before allowing your dog to sniff or lick them. Not every person may love dogs as much as you do.

• Have a bag and/or towel in case the dog makes a bathroom accident

So, whether you are riding up to your apartment, traveling to a pet friendly hotel, or just checking this out for general amusement because you don’t live in a high rise; just take a few seconds to think before waltzing on into the elevator – and make sure your furry friend is safely along for the ride.

THE 411

What: Dogs vs. Elevators

Where: apartment high rises, hotels, and more

Warning: elevators can be dangerous to a dog

JERSEY JOE RECOMMENDS

My first thought is to make sure the dog is inside and secure, before pressing the floor button, and then make keep a firm grasp on the collar. I love dogs and my family has had one my whole life – but sometimes, dogs are animals, and they can have a mind of their own!

Hopefully, my blog this week will just as a simple safety warning to everyone. I realize not everyone reading this has a dog, but after seeing some of the graphic videos of serious accidents that have been posted online (you have to Google that, yourself) we can all take a minute and make sure their secure before running for our floor. We may not all have dogs – but at one point or another, you’ll most likely be taking an elevator ride with one.

Image credits – madabandon, pennstatenews, Neena.Ree Kroll

[California Seething] I Seethe New York – (Part 1)

(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

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Posted by :Eric Sims On : November 19, 2013

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Category: California Seething

Tags:albany, citrucel, fiber, gravity, IBS, los angeles, New York City, outer space, planet of the apes, sandra bullock, taxis

The best part about Citrucel Sugar Free Powdered Fiber Supplement is that it is vaguely reminiscent of Tang. So when I drink it, I can pretend that I’m not just some middle aged schlub choking down a cold glass of gritty orange crud to soothe my perpetually irritated bowels (yes, that’s right- I suffer from IBS. Also, evidently, from TMI.) but an ASTRONAUT zooming through outer space- a goddamn Right Stuff American Hero seeking out new worlds and new civilizations, boldly going where no one has gone before and right before I get there- taking a quick time out to choke down a cold glass of orange gritty orange crud to soothe my perpetually irritated bowels. Because on a claustrophobic, unventilated little space craft the guy who says “Who’s got two thumbs and horrible space-shits? This guy!” is almost as unpopular as Mr. “Did I Leave the Door Open Again?” or the dude who won’t shut the fuck up with the “Houston, we have a problem” jokes already. “Houston, we have a problem- WE’RE ALL OUT OF PRINGLES!”, “Houston, we have a problem. SOMEBODY’S A LITTLE GRUMPY TODAY”, “Houston, we have a problem- I’VE GOT HORRIBLE SPACE SHITS. No seriously, my stomach is killing me. Who the fuck drank all my Citrucel???? For the 10,000^th time you guys- IT’S NOT FUCKING TANG!!!” Anyhow, you get the idea.

I thought of this when I was packing for my trip to New York this week and trying to figure out how to pack my Citrucel. I couldn’t exactly bring the entire container because they don’t sell this stuff in dainty little “oh I’m just taking this for a couple of weeks til things settle down in my tum-tum” packages, they only sell it in big-ass “who ya kiddin’ bub? You’re gonna taking this crap for the rest of your stinkin’ life so shut up and get used to it” enormous size. And, sure, I could transfer some of the white powder to a plastic baggie- but then there’s the inevitable misunderstanding and funny funny body cavity search- or worse yet, the cop’s gonna dip his finger in there to do the heroin pinky tasting thing and find out I take fiber and I couldn’t live with the shame although, oddly enough, I feel no shame sharing with you people and the entire internet. I’m complex. Anyhow, the point is, the last time I was in New York, fiber was the last thing I was worried about because the last time I was in New York, I was but a lad of 29 with a world of possibilities and intestinal difficulties ahead of me. I didn’t feel young, though. Hell, after six years of hard living on the still-sorta-mean streets of Guliani’s New York struggling to make it even when I didn’t have super-clear idea of what “it” was I was trying to make, I felt ancient- like a grizzled old prospector panning for stage time in the Klondike wilderness of late night comedy clubs or a Vietnam vet with a dried up human ear clipped to my belt for every incredibly shitty day job I had (“They can’t send me to hell, cause I’ve already been to Santaland”.) It wasn’t til years later that I realized how young I really was – unfortunately the only cure for feeling old is getting older.

Anyhow, the point is, it’s been a dozen years since I’ve set foot on the urine soaked streets of Manhattan (they are still soaked in pee, right??? Tell me they’re still soaked in pee. DAMN YOU BLOOMBERG!!!!) and as I packed I could feel the energy of the City building up inside me like helium in an Eric shaped float at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade til I was bouncing around the room uncontrollably like The Cat in the Hat in a windstorm. It’s that feeling I used to get when I was on a Greyhound bus coming back from Albany stuck in traffic waiting to enter the Midtown Tunnel or clank-clanking slowly uphill on an impossibly tall roller coaster or sitting in a dorm room on a Friday night waiting for the Acid to kick in. The feeling that tantalizingly soon, but excruciatingly far away the madness will begin- and all I can do is sit back, take a deep breath, and go….

Living in New York, you see, is like living on another planet. No, that’s not it exactly. It’s like New York is Planet Earth and everywhere else is Outer Space with an Applebee’s. Whether it’s Poughkeepsie, Michigan or Alpha Centauri- tell a New Yorker you live there and you’ll get the same condescending look of total disinterest. As a result, you may think New Yorkers are dicks and, of course, you’d be right but that’s not the only reason they’re acting this way. After all, NYC may seem like an overstuffed, overheated ball of chaos, commerce and crappy apartments but there is a rock hard logic to the place. Life there is guided by certain immutable laws, as fixed as the laws of physics and, once you adjust to these laws, it becomes the only planet you can live on. Take a bus to Albany, for instance, and you get off in outer space- it’s dark, it’s cold and it’s quiet and all you can see are are stars. All those rules you lived by that seemed as solid as concrete just fall apart like a $3 umbrella in a gentle breeze and you’re tumbling though the streets like Sandra Bullock sobbing “my baby!”. You try to get your bearings but you can’t even tell uptown from downtown and nothing makes sense. Even things you think you understand don’t work the same way. Sure there are taxis- but you actually have to call them on the phone and then wait for hours for them not to show up. Sure, there are homeless people, but you’re actually expected to acknowledge them when they talk to you and not just blow by them like they’re part of the scenery- just there for atmosphere like animatronic junkies on Bloomberg’s New York ride. And then there are the life forms you encounter- sure they look human enough but they’re all white and squishy and smile all the time and talk to the homeless and shop at Walmart. What the fuck is a “Walmart”???? Somebody get me out of here!!!! But nobody comes to your aide. In Albany, no one can hear you scream.

Anyhow, about a dozen years ago- I left my home world of New York for the distant galaxy of Los Angeles- and if you want to understand Los Angeles- all you need to do is picture New York wearing Ugg Boots and a scarf in 80 degree weather with a mini skirt, angrily posting about GMO’s and asking for gluten free options at Denny’s and you’ll end up with something which, well, doesn’t fully reflect LA at all though it is a terrifying vision of what New Yorkers can turn into when they move out here. So beware! Remember- just because you’re in California, doesn’t mean you have to be a douchebag (though it helps). Anyhow, this week – for the first time since departing I’ve returned to NYC. And, for the past few years- all I’ve been hearing from people is how much it’s changed since I left- and how I’m barely gonna recognize it and how Bloomberg has either saved or ruined the place, depending on how disgustingly rich you are, so I’m here to find out for myself- and what will I discover? Well, I just got here so how the fuck would I know? But – have no fear, I’ll be posting all of my opinions once my journey is complete (I know how scared you are of not knowing what my opinions are.) Will I recognize my home world or will I wind up on my hands and knees screaming at the Statue of Liberty “You maniacs! You did it! You cleaned it up! Ah Damn you! God damn you all to hell!!!” – kind of like I did when I first came home from college and saw that my mom gentrified my bedroom. God, I’m a drama queen. Fortunately that means I fit in pretty well in New York- or, well, I used to anyhow- DAMN YOU BLOOMBERG!!! GOD DAMN YOU TO HELL!!!!

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THE 411

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[Kicking Back with Jersey Joe] I Ate Inside a Train on the Roof of a New York High Rise

THE 411

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[Kicking Back with Jersey Joe] How to Beat Black Friday

THE 411

JERSEY JOE RECOMMENDS

[Kicking Back with Jersey Joe] Dogs vs. Elevators

[California Seething] I Seethe New York – (Part 1)

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