So I guess the premise of this show is a group of collectible dealers go to unclaimed baggage auctions, bid on stuff and then resell for profits. However, the one episode that I tuned into the other day didn’t have anything to do with baggage. It was a Hollywood movie memorabilia auction. Apparently actor Daniel Roebuck is a big horror movie prop collector but now he’s auctioning it all off. I guess The Fugitive money is starting to run out.

The buyers converge upon Hollywood to get their hands on valuable stuff. Billy has his eye on a life-size C-3PO that he is hoping was used in Star Wars. He also is looking at a genie bottle that may or may not have been from I Dream Of Jeannie. Tracy also wants the genie bottle and there is some stilted trash talk between her and Billy. “The one who gets the bottle is the master” or something silly and foreshadowy as that.

The young guy, Mark, doesn’t know a lot about movies he says but anything classic horror is what he’s after. He finds some old monster models in their original boxes and bids on them. Meanwhile, the married couple, Lawrence & Sally think that the plaster Alfred Hitchcock head is an authentic life mask that Hitchcock used to carry around on his sets in ‘60s and ‘70s. Spoiler: they win it. After the purchase they get an expert to verify its authenticity. Naturally when you meet an expert, you meet them in front of the Psycho house at Universal Studios. Turns out (another spoiler!) it is an authentic life mask and is worth around $3000. They paid $600 for it. Good on them.

Not to spoil all of it but I will: they all get what they want. Oh there was some manufactured drama when they try to outbid each other but ultimately each got their desired item. Yes, Tracy wins the I Dream Of Jeannie bottle because Billy conveniently caves too early. Later she gets an I Dream Of Jeannie expert to look at the bottle. He is introduced as a close friend to both Barbara Eden and Larry Hagman. Okay. They meet on a beach where some of the series was filmed. The friend/expert takes a look at the bottle in his tv-ready tracksuit and tells her that the hand-painted bottle was not used on the show. It was done in the ‘80s and is one of 46. How does he know that? Because he is the one who made it! How completely a coincidence! He tells her that she has number 5 in the series and that Larry Hagman has #1. Really? Barbara Eden didn’t get number one? That bugs me for some reason. Tracy ends up getting around $1700 for it because Track Suit Friend signed it for her to up the value. I hope Barbara Eden sold hers.

This brings me to the awkward “skit” that happens at the end of the episode: Tracy “finding” the bottle on the beach, rubbing it and Billy as a genie popping out. He says her wish is his command. “Call me master,” she says. He does an unconvincing “Ugh!” My line reading of “Ugh” had much more passion behind it here in my living room.

Earlier in the episode and before he had to dress as a genie, Billy knocks over a wax figure at the auction and the head is busted so he has to buy it. Not just that one but five others as well because it is a set. Even before bidding on anything, he has to shell out $6,000.  Then he paid $4000 for the giant C-3PO. He takes that to his friend, a movie prop guy, to assess the value. Turns out this C-3PO was not used in Star Wars but is most likely a prototype done around the time when the movie was made. With the restored wax figure and the others plus the C-3PO, he ends up with a $33,500 profit. He is the big winner this episode but also a loser because of the genie thing.

But the biggest loser of the day? Poor Mark. I’m actually pretty pissed for him. He bought the monster models and an old flip movie device for $1025 total. Out in the parking lot, he looks at his stuff. He thinks he can break even on most of it so he’s really banking on the King Kong monster model that’s in the original box. The auction place won’t let you open the boxes because that could damage the integrity of the box. So Mark opens the King Kong box and in it is – can you believe it? – a banana nestled in packing peanuts! He throws the banana against the wall. I don’t blame him. Do you think Daniel Roebuck was intentionally deceitful? If so, that knocks down my respect for him, I have to say. He deserves to be blown up on Lost if that’s the case.

Baggage Battles airs on the Travel Channel and sometimes involves actual baggage.