Loading...In our backyard tomato planter box, there’s a hole for excess water to drain out. I noticed that a spider had woven a web on the planter. As I watered, I watched a stream pour out and discovered a black widow spider straddling the jet of water and crawling 
back into the hole when the water stopped. Dude! A surfing spider and a badass one at that – complete with a red tattoo and a reclusive attitude! I quickly googled “black widows” and found on Wikipedia …
back into the hole when the water stopped. Dude! A surfing spider and a badass one at that – complete with a red tattoo and a reclusive attitude! I quickly googled “black widows” and found on Wikipedia …“Female eats the head of the male during mating (so much for date night!)…Only the females bite mammals. (Oy, mine is a female.)…venomous neurotoxin…1% fatality rate…Ahhhhhh!
I called the Orkin man who arrived ready to dispatch the nasty lady.
He shook the web. No spider.
He poked a stick into the hole. No spider!
He hosed down the planter until a stream of water shot out. NO DAMN SPIDER!
He looked at me with an “Are you sure you didn’t imagine this?” look.
I saw it! I really did!
I’ve been checking the hole since. Wouldn’t you know? Not a hint of a spider!
I’m absolutely sure she’s inside the planter doing a little victory dance, shaking her pompoms, and shouting gleefully “Arach- nid! Arach-nid!”
Still, I’m worried. Could she have just maybe decided to keep house somewhere else? Wikipedia also said that black widows like to hide in dry quiet places like piles of leaves. Now, I’m really worried.
I don’t have leaf piles, but here and there in my house, piled on tables and chairs, in boxes and bags and bins are newspapers. We have subscriptions to the ABQ Journal and The Wall Street Journal. These papers arrive faster than I can read them, but since I use them as a source of ideas for my various writing projects including Desert Droppings, they accumulate.
Some family members have even accused me of hoarding:
“It’s all on the internet. Newspapers are obsolete! What good is last week’s, not to mention last month’s news? Re-cycle those paper piles NOW!” they yell.
Lalala-not listening. Not listening. My house. My newspapers- UNTIL that bit in Wikipedia about black widows hiding. What if the black widow has slipped into the house and is right now hiding in a newspaper pile and maybe even laying eggs? This is no itsy bitsy spider or folksy Charlotte’s Web heroine. This is a poisonous invader straight out of Arachniphobia! Ahhhhhhhhh!
Re-cycle! Re-cycle! Re-cycle!
I need to get those piles of papers outta here! FAST!
And that’s what I’ve been doing. But in the process certain articles caught my eye and I saved just a few (well, maybe a tiny bit more than a few) to post about.
And that’s how I came across “Bear Hair Snare.”
This front page article in the ABQ Journal describes how the bizarre minds at the NM Department of Game and Fish have developed a device to estimate the bear population in the state’s mountainous regions. They string up some barbed wire in areas that bears are known to frequent. To be sure the bears will come up against the wire and leave tufts of hair, G&F douses clumps of pine needles with “…skunk essence or a mixture of fish emulsion and bovine blood…an irresistible lure to bears.” Really? Did I mention bizarre minds?
Once they snare some bear hair, the hair’s DNA is tested and all kinds of bear facts are revealed to supposedly better “manage” the bears (ie-determine how many bears can be killed during hunting season or the “sustainable harvest limit”).
I’m hoping the bears turn up their collective noses at the fishy skunk and bovine brew and go “harvest” the peanut butter sandwiches in the G&F folk’s lunch boxes. That’s what Yogi and Boo Boo would do.
And since this article is brought to you by the Game and Fish department, let’s play the Bear-Snare Game- no apps needed!
Ok, you know the contraption devised to snag ursine fur is a bear-hair snare.
Now, what’s a hangout for naked lady horses?
Right! A bare mare lair.
How about borrowing an extra wig from a buddy?
Yes! A spare hair share.
And frightening someone into promising not to run around in the nude?
Yay! A bare swear scare!
One more …Looking straight at you – one time only, chance of a lifetime- betcha can’t do it-betcha can’t…
High Five! You got it! It’s a rare dare stare!
Your turn…Show your bear snare flair.
Did you see something scuttle under the furniture ? Where? There! Chair!
Ahhhhhhhh!