We are now a week into the Winter Olympics and here are a few ideas to help boost your involvement with the Games. Ready?

• Mock the “Ready?” voice prior to the start of the speed skating events. (It’s probably the closest I’ll ever get to a Russian accent. I tend to only be able to do only a word or phrase with accents. Like my Australian accent consists of saying, “Foster’s. Australian For Beer.” and my Scottish accent is “Ewen MacGregor is great.”)
• Skeleton is insane. Slopestyle is insane. Heck, anything involving a snowboard is insane. Say, “that’s insane!” out loud when watching these events.
• Yell, “Sweep! Sweep! Sweep! Sweep! Sweep!” while Curling is on. (I enjoy watching Curling. It’s nice to know that there’s still an Olympic event that I could still possibly do.  All you need are good knees and a broom.)
• Worry about Bob Costas and his diseased eyes. Does anyone know what actually happened? Did he wash his face with the impotable Sochi hotel water? Was this all a plot to take over the broadcast by Matt Lauer? LAUER!!!!!!!
• Don’t worry about the Costas Infected Eyes’ social media presence. “For those of you wondering why I’m wearing my glasses, I have contracted an infec-“ Boom! Twitter account. “—tion in my right eye.”
• While watching downhill skiing, be sure to sing, “I like the way you work it, Ted Ligety” to the tune of Blackstreet’s “No Diggity”. This gem is courtesy of my brother. Direct all complaints to him. This is the third Winter Olympics that Ligety is skiing for America. So that’s three times that I’ve sang that every time I hear Ligety’s name. Even when that Day-Quil commercial comes on.
• Sit in judgment of the outfits. Not just the glittery Figure Skating costumes. You expect those. It’s the Norway Men’s Curling Team. Please google them. They’ve been wearing a different pair of whack-a-doodle printed pants for each of their matches. Actually, don’t judge them. Love them.
• You can, however, sit in judgment of the US’s Opening Ceremony digs. The busy sweaters were not my favorite. When I see ugly American team outfits, I can’t help but think back to when I was a little girl and there was a campaign to vote on the top three looks for the (I think?) 1984 Summer Olympics.  I remember filling out a ballot and the outfit I voted for did not win. Now I say to the TV, “Who voted for that?” (Side note: the store I cast my ballot at was a clothing store called Kick In the Pants. The sign had a donkey in jeans kicking. Now that I’ve typed that out I wonder if I made it up.)

I hope these suggestions enhance your enjoyment of the Winter Olympic Games. Please feel free to suggest your own Rocky Horror Picture Show style interactions with the athletes that have worked all their lives for this moment while you watch from your sofa.

Ted Ligety. You’re welcome.