Now I may not remember which Bourne movie has which qualifier but damned if I don’t watch them every time they are on. And they are on quite a bit. Jason Bourne may be the new James Bond in terms of how often they run on basic cable. In fact, I would wager good money that at any moment of any day there would be a Bourne movie, a Bond movie or a Harry Potter movie airing. These franchises also have the distinction of being the sort of movies that I’ve seen so much, I can start in the middle and not care (OK. I’ll add the X-men movies in there, too. Not to mention the shortlist of rom coms that I inexplicably love…that will stay unmentioned for now).

Since I read the Potter books, I know which one is which instantly. It might also be because I can tell by the hairstyles of Harry and Ron. But the Bourne movies are a different story. If it’s not Matt Damon and it’s Jeremy Renner then it’s the last one, Bourne…Legacy? Yeah. But if it’s Damon and there’s no Franka Potente then it’s the third one, Bourne…The Third. I have a 33.33% chance of a correct guess but I still guess wrong. So I looked them up: Identity, Supremacy and Ultimatum. In that order. If they were sticking to a theme that last one should have been Ultimately.

Further confusion comes from the hit guy villain. I know for a fact deep down in my…bones that Clive Owen was the hit guy in the first one. The other two have Karl Urban and Edgar Ramirez. In that order. I think. Yes! Urban is the Russian guy. Karl Urban has an interesting career. First saw him in Lord Of the Rings. He was in the second and third LOTR…OK, I may get the events of the second and third movies a little jumbled. I have excuses. I read the books and the movies mess with the order of things a bit. Also, I could go full Tolkien fiend and yell “THEY ARE ALL ONE MOVIE!” That helps excuse my confusion. Urban is also Bones in the Star Trek reboots. And he was Judge Dredd in a Judge Dredd reboot. (At this point in the post, I leave my computer and go to see if I still have a Judge Dredd pin from when I worked at Planet Hollywood and the Stallone movie was coming out…Apparently not. But I found my Universal Studios nametag. My hoarder fears are quelled just a tad.) Good on him.

Edgar Ramirez is an actor with whom I’m less familiar. To the IMDB app! He was in Zero Dark Thirty on one side of the spectrum and Wrath Of the Titans on the other. He’s also named Edgar and there are not too many famous Edgars. There’s one of my favorite directors, Edgar Wright. Then it goes Edgar Allan Poe, Edgar Rice Burroughs, Edgar Winter and Edgar Bergen. That’s it. FYI: Edgar Bergen is a dead ventriloquist who was Candice Bergen’s father. And he directed Scott Pilgrim vs. The World. I believe.

Let’s talk about Matt Damon as Jason Bourne. It was Paul Rudd in 40 Year Old Virgin who said, “You know, I always thought that Matt Damon was like a Streisand, but he’s rocking the shit in this one!” I never thought the Streisand part but he did indeed rock the shit in the Bourne movies. He just never screamed action star before. Which I think is the secret genius. When he discovers his mad skillz, it surprises him just as much as us. Damon is quite good at the “blank face, auto-kicking-ass-ness” quality. I want a secret skill like that. Wouldn’t it be awesome to be at Disneyland and be able to clear the line at Indiana Jones with untapped Kung Fu moves? With my luck however, I would probably have some ninja filing skills or something like that. Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh. Alphabetized! And my blood pressure never rose.

Last couple of Bourne thoughts:

• These films make me want to jump from rooftops to rooftops. You understand.
• I loved Julia Stiles’ hair in all the films. Especially the longish bob with the blond highlights. I want to rotely kick people’s asses with that hair on my head.
• Joan Allen needs to do more stuff.
• Rachel Weisz screaming. “AAAARROOON. RUUUUUUN.” in her American accent.
• Great actors playing the asshole government guy: Chris Cooper, David Straithairn and Edward Norton.
• Lots of chases through lots of countries. Look out, Locals!
• Wait. Another confusion: casting Brian Cox and Albert Finney in back to back Bournes. I may or may not have thought it was the same character at first. Because of…
• The overlapping timeline in the second and third movies.

Ha! Vindication! Supremacy and Ultimatum are ONE MOVIE.

You can find the Bourne movies on…right now, on channel…doesn’t matter.