It’s official. Tesla finally announced the site for its $5 billion battery factory and it’s …NOT New Mexico! It’s Nevada.
Geez – just when we thought we could make the catch; hit one out of the park; score the TD ;  Gooooooooal!  (and any other sports metaphors the even NM sports teams don’t merit.) Of course, if NM had sent Elon Musk a fleet of top-of-the-line Teslas bearing long limbed show girls dressed as topless giga batteries, maybe we’d have had a chance. I’m not saying Nevada actually did this, you understand, but if you’re in the mood to twitter this specious tidbit forward, go for it! Anyway, the best glitz play NM could have come up with would have been a Ford pick-up driven by the state Chile Pepper Princess with a gift basket of Indian fry bread and homemade salsa on the front seat.

In an effort to boost morale, Winthrop Quigley (I did not make that up!), ABQ Journal columnist, suggested that we blame not the Governor or the Democrats, but God! Because NM’s convoluted politics and bewildering business bureaucracy aside, the fact is God/Creator/Divine Source/plate tectonics/Big Bang Theory ( DD is totally non-denominational!) put NM 1000 miles from the Tesla factory in Fremont, CA and gave lithium (a battery mineral) deposits to NV.

It isn’t our fault NM got crammed between TX and AZ with a lifetime supply of roadrunners and yucca plants. Yeah! It’s God’s/Creator’s/ etc fault! And while we’re at it, blame You-Know-Who or What for NM’s dearth of beach front property, amber waves of grain, fruited plains, purple mountains maj…No, wait! NM and ABQ especially have got that purple mountain thing covered. Just ask any tourist who has tried to capture the lavendering of the Sandia Mountains at sunset on their iPhone.
But Tesla was looking for profits, not photo-ops, and so, in short, NM lost.

Take a breath, NM. Follow DD’s example and move on.
So, how about them UNM Lobos! (All NM sports teams are Lobos).  Ummmm….delete that.
It’s winners. WINNERS we want!

Speaking  of tourists, (ahhhh, that’s better),  ABQ and NM proved to be a winning choice for 4 guests who visited us recently. Our guests (family members ages 8, 11, and 40 something) easily found loads of unique local spots to keep them actively entertained.
Within an hour of their arrival, we found ourselves in an ABQ industrial park inside an old factory building that had been converted into a bouncing business called Cool Springz. The huge factory floor had been transformed into one immense trampoline where barefooted kids of all ages were happily jumping, flipping,bounding up the rubber walls, and diving into “foam pits” (holes in the floor filled with foam blocks). Our guests had a blast!! I had a bunch of questions.

While I may not be very neat and have been accused of having  a very slight tendency toward cluttering, I’m a nervous wreck when it comes to germs. I asked, “Do you think someone could catch foot fungus from all those bare feet pounding across this rubbery floor?” and “Do you think someone should sanitize those foam blocks after dozens of runny-nosed kids have burrowed around in them?”

After a bit of eye-rolling, in placating, syrupy tones, a grown-up guest earnestly described how the Lysol Fairy comes at night and sprinkles magic disinfecting dust that leaves every soft or springy surface sparkling and germ free.
Oh, ok. If a factory that once provided family-supporting employment to 100+ workers can be turned into a giant trampoline space that pays minimum wage to one cashier and one trampoline room “guard,” then, sure, I’ll believe in the Lysol Fairy!

From Cool Springz to hot springs! The next day, our guests set off on a trip to Jamez hot springs, a natural warm mountain mineral water pool.
“Do you think bathing with a bunch of strangers is…Oh, I get it! The Hot Springs Fairy…Great!”

From the bubbling sulphur scented waters to a long dormant volcano- our guests traveled on to an awesome park ranger-led “Magma to Magpie” tour of Valles Caldera-a 12  mile wide volcanic crater in the midst of an 89,000 acre National Preserve.
“Do you think that volcano could suddenly become active?”
“Not a chance! Eye-roll. Eye-roll. “The Volcano Fairy, etc, etc.”
The caldera outing proved to be another winning adventure, just a relatively short drive from ABQ.

From the depths of the caldera, to the top of Sandia Peak! Our guests hopped on the Sandia Peak Aerial Tram for the 2.7  mile “flight” to a height of 10,378 feet! They had lunch at the High Finance restaurant, clambered down a highly precarious mountain trail, and braved a field of highly aggressive grasshoppers. (I was highly tactful  and didn’t ask any questions, did I, Mountain Fairy?) On the return flight, the Tram Guide proved by his frenzied over- the-top commentary, that he was even higher than the peak they’d just explored!

From marveling at mountaintop scenery to musing over scenes which depict NM’s desert landscape- our guests headed north to the Georgia O’Keeffe  Museum in Santa Fe. O’Keeffe loved NM and for years painted her favorite NM sites with her distinctive sense of form and color. It doesn’t take an Art Appreciation Fairy to know that her work is destined to be admired long after Tesla is a footnote in Wikipedia.

From an afternoon of culture to an evening of downhome kitsch- our guests excitedly drove to the NM State Fair in the heart of downtown ABQ. On the midway, against the wild glitter of a million neon lights, they careened around on the roller coaster, swirled out over the crowds  on this stomach churning swing thing, and spun in a saucer- shaped contraption  held in place, they assured me, by “centrifugal force.”
“Do you think the safety inspector ch….ahhhhhhhhhhh! I can’t watch! Fair Fairy, get your butt over here!”
But all ended well with a successful smartphone search for a Greek restaurant open late on Central Avenue.

Our guests have now returned home to the east coast. They left behind a colorful plastic sculpture that resembles a fair ride, a set of sketches a la Georgia O’Keeffe, an eerie carved buffalo gourd, a solar powered cockroach, and a giga load of super terrific memories…
Oh, and an empty package from the ABQ Tortilla Co. – which our guests declared makes the best tortillas ever!

NM may be a loser in the Tesla- thon, but when it comes to tourism and tortillas, we’re tops!

Good luck, NV. May the  Tesla prize captured with $1.3 billion in ” economic incentives ” bring you everlasting fame and fortune.
“Do you think the giga factory  produces toxic waste?….Factory Fairy!”