Do you guys want to learn about transporting Black Rhinos? I didn’t think I wanted to either! But how could I not tune into a show called Animal Mega Moves even after I was disappointed to learn it wasn’t a dance show?

Now I could have taken a whole semester in zoology and not retain a bit but just let the TV teach me something and I’m all ears. (Did you know that a rhinoceros’s ears can move independently from each other? They can swivel in different directions like a satellite dish. Rhino Fact!) It also helped that there was a handsome South African guy named Ed who sported khaki shorts along with that accent.

Ed and some other people like vets and rhino specialists are transporting four female Black Rhinos and one male (called a bull – Rhino Fact!) from South Africa to a sanctuary in Zambia. It seems that the Black Rhino populations are diminishing due to asshole poachers who saw off their horns to sell in Asia so this move is part of a seven year program to send 25 rhino to roam free and safe. This show featured the last 5 of the program.

First they identify the five who are going. Then they shoot a huge tranquilizer from a helicopter which was quite uncomfortable to watch. Warning: if you are sensitive to watching frequent tranq-ing of animals, then this is not the show for you. However, once they are done checking their health or taking blood samples or moving them, they do give them an antidote for the tranq to get them back to their feet. Because apparently, if they are down too long it could permanent damage their legs. Rhino Fact!

The Chosen Five are then taken to pens in South Africa for six weeks in order to get acclimated to humans as well as making sure that their temperament is not too aggressive. Because they are tough cookies. I’m paraphrasing the Rhino Specialist. (I think the Rhino Specialist was American but with a twist: “Hello, American American American. South African button on the end!”)

Rhino Fact! They eat “browse” which at first I thought what? Looks to me like they are eating vegetation. We are both right! A browser is like a grazer but with trees and shrubs and not grass. Why did I pay so much attention to browse? Because I liked the way Ed said “browse”.

I wish I could find an image of the CGI rhinos that they used to illustrate their anatomy and the logistics of the transport. At one point, there was a whole cartoon of how they have to load all the crates on the plane with the rhinos facing forward so that when the plane takes off, the rhinos won’t slide into their horns and possibly crush their nasal cavities. When googling CGI Rhino, here’s what I did find, a pic of Spiderman villain The Rhino, pre-visual effects:

I might be interested in watching a show where they transported Paul Giamatti. He’s a good actor.

In order to get the rhinos on a plane (new screenplay idea!), they sedate them and then lure them into the pens by waving a flag. No, rhinos are not overly patriotic. They are naturally curious creatures (Rhino Fact!). Once in the pen, they are blindfolded in order to reduce distractions which may cause them to freak out and hurt themselves. Also to reduce injury, they saw the tip off their horns. I know. It made me question my attraction to Ed while he did it. But then he emphasized that it doesn’t hurt them and it’s for their own safety so they don’t get the horns caught in the walls of the pen. OK, Ed, now I won’t question you later when you insert a transmitter in their horn to track them. Because he needs to know if they are near some good browse. (Idea: Chain of vegetarian restaurants called Good Browse.)

Shout out to the Zambian man who rides a bike around the grassy airfield to clear it of roaming animals and rocks!

Once they land in Zambia, they are transported yet again to nearby pens where they will stay for two weeks in order to get acclimated to the site and the local food. Then they release them one by one, beginning with the females and then the bull, into the sanctuary to roam free. Go rhinos!

Other Fun Rhino Facts! ™:

• One of the females was pregnant. It was difficult to figure out how far along she was due to the fact that once the fetus drops lower into the momma’s body, the thickness of the rhino makes the ultra sounds very fuzzy and vague.  Also, they have a sixteen-month pregnancy. Yeesh.
• The rhinos’ eyes are on the sides of their head. They have a wide range for their side vision in order to see potential threats but they can’t see directly in front of them. They rely more on their excellent hearing and sense of smell.
• Their horns are made of keratin like our fingernails.
• The Black Rhino’s top lip is pointed and acts like an appendage to help break off some that delicious browse.

I’m sure there are more tidbits but I got distracted by Ed helping to lay down a sedated rhino, “1, 2, 3, Yoooeeehhsss. 1, 2, 3, yoooeeehhhss.”

Animal Mega Moves airs on Nat Geo Wild. Apparently, there are episodes about racehorses, elephants and sharks!