Much to my dismay, The Carbonaro Effect is not The Carbonara Effect and no pasta was involved. Yes, in all seriousness, I thought it was a cooking show until I read the description. Something about how a guy makes bubbles into glass ornaments and fools customers. Intriguing but I was apparently really hungry and wanted to look at pasta boiling. But I recorded it and sat down this morning to watch it. This dude is a magician who does sleight of hand stuff to fool people in a hidden camera show. He’s good. I would have believed the bubble into glass ornament thing, I’m not going to lie. But the gray goo that becomes a live frog when you pulse a light over it? Not so much. The big question in mind would be, “Should I call him out?” Or should I go with it and ask him to cure my ailments? The only correct response would be to scream, “DEVIL!” and run out of the store.

I didn’t even mention how he convinced customers that a goldfish sticker becomes a real one when you put it in water. Only $.25 each. This woman wanted ten of them. My question to her is, “yeah, they’re only a quarter each but what the hell are you going to do with ten live goldfish?” Does she want extras so she never has to teach her kids about death? This is all conjecture since instead she will return super-pissed to the store demanding her quarters back when it doesn’t work. Then it is “ha ha, you were made a fool of on TV! Here’s your $2.50.”

This is where I admit that I live in fear of hidden camera shows. Living in LA, you have a greater chance of it happening to you because they are cheap shows and why make them more expensive by leaving Southern California? So if a checkout person asks me an unusual question, I start looking around for cameras. Like that time I went to a CVS in a different town and was told that they no longer give out plastic bags. My CVS still gave out bags. Why do this to an innocent woman? I WILL NOT SIGN YOUR TV RELEASE.

Turns out, it was town policy. I had to carry out my stuff in my arms.

Later Carbonaro was in a gym posing as a trainer and doing nutty stuff to fool the gym rats. He’s one of those “I can levitate” magicians and tried to get a guy to do that as part of his training. One of two things is happening at this point: you are either trying to levitate yourself or you’re assuming that I tried to do it. You’d be wrong on that second part. I just woke up. Standing on the ground was tough enough. Levitating would take a drink or two.

Carbonaro also convinces a gym dude that he had a can of Spray Towel. He sprays the foam into his hand and then sleight-of-hand! it becomes a towel. He sprays again and blows into his hand to “make” a sock. Kind of handy. Spray Clothes would delay going to the laundromat for a bit.

The final segment was a fake raffle prize set up. Carbonaro “won” a car in a raffle and an unsuspecting guy has to sign it out to him. Carbonaro “forgets” his ticket and walks home to get it. The poor security guy watches him go and then turns around and the car is gone. He freaks. Curses a bit as he should. Then Carbonaro drives up in the car. “You’re on a hidden camera show!” Security guy takes out his gun and—OK that last part didn’t happen. But we don’t see the outtakes so…

Actually the guy had a good sense of humor and took it well.

I WOULD NOT HAVE.

You can see Mike Carbonaro exploit gullible people on TRU TV.

But you won’t see me. I WILL REMEMBER HIS FACE.