This week I went back to the GAC Well. Because the Great American County network has more than just Most Terrifying Places In America shows. It has All American Amusement Parks as well. Say what you want but GAC is true to its America mission statement. All American Amusement Parks is hosted by J.D. Scott who just happens to be the brother of the Twin Brothers of various shows on HGTV. Why do I know this? Because that’s how All American Amusement Parks begins, by explaining why this guy is hosting this show. You may cry nepotism and claim he is riding his twin brothers’ coattails but I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt. Because as the Elizabeth Olson of the Scott family, he could turn out to be Scarlet Witch in Avengers 2 and not the throwaway wife role like in Godzilla. After viewing just one episode of All American Amusement Parks, the jury is still out. One thing is for sure, though, we can rule out Martha Marcy May Marlene.

The episode in question was called “Florida’s Animal Kingdom”. I chose this one because I grew up in Florida and I’ve been to Disney’s Animal Kingdom. Well, TWIST! Disney’s Animal Kingdom is nowhere to be found on this show. My guess Disney said, “What show? Who? No sorry you can’t film here” and All American Amusement Parks said, “Fine. We’ll go to Gatorland and Weeki Wachee!” Disney said something like, “Ooo. I’m scared” and then rolled their eyes.

This is where I confess that as a 23-year resident of Central Florida, I have never been to Gatorland or Weeki Wachee. And I’m a little sad about that. Feeding alligators and watching mermaids should have been a part of my childhood but alas. However I do have a picture of my parents at Weeki Wachee back in the ‘60s posing behind a mermaid and a Poseidon statue. This explains a lot about me, I think.

J.D. Scott first visits Gatorland and meets Charles, the Gatorland Superfan. There is such a thing! Scott feeds alligators, sits on one and then ziplines over a bunch of them who I’m sure were sleeping even thought the zipline was called Screamin’ Gator. On that note, turns out there are crocodiles as well as gators. Which makes me wonder, do the alligators have a diva attitude over the crocs? Do they throw shade and taunt them with “I believe it’s called Gatorland and not CrocWorld.”

Next up is Weeki Wachee where the central attraction is an underwater live mermaid show where women wear tails and do a synchronized swimming kind of thing. Here Scott meets Liz who has been coming to this park since she was three. Liz and Scott get a chance to get some instruction in being a live mermaid and now I have the image of Scott in a mermaid tale burned into my brain.

Finally, All American Amusement Parks goes to a place that I’ve actually been to a few times: Busch Gardens. Now back in the day, it was called Busch Gardens: The Dark Continent because of the Africa theme. This fact was not mentioned in the show at all so I’m assuming that moniker has been dropped as being a wee bit un-pc. (Just checked Wikipedia. It was first Busch Gardens: The Dark Continent then just Busch Gardens Tampa Bay and then Busch Gardens: Africa and then back to Busch Gardens Tampa. FYI!)

The Super Fan at Busch Gardens is Amey. She and Scott do a Serengeti Plain safari ride where they stop and feed some giraffes. I said out loud, “I want to feed a giraffe.” Then they go on a roller coaster called The Cheetah Hunt that causes Scott to say, “It was fast…like a cheetah.” He has officially been downgraded to Girl In Car in How the West Was Fun with Mary Kate and Ashley.

All American Amusement Parks airs on Great American Country here in the United States of America.