Lord, how I love a tiny house. Were you wondering who that person was that obsessively watched all the Small Space, Big Style episodes on HGTV years ago? That was me.  I especially loved the homes that were less than 500 square feet. They featured anything (stylish) fewer than 1000 square feet but come on, that’s not tiny. Not to this gal and her dog. So if you ever wondered who was the person who ignored the “Small” and “Little” categories on the “Small Cool” contest on the Apartment Therapy website and only drooled over the “Tiny” and “Teeny Tiny” ones? That was me, too. Not so much my dog on this because these wee places often have lofts and she doesn’t do well on ladders. If that doesn’t convince you of my tiny house love, I receive not one but two tiny house e-newsletters: from Tumbleweed Houses and Four Lights Houses. These two sites sell tiny house plans and offer workshops on how to build teeny abodes. Just in case you’ve jumped to the conclusion that I’ve been to one of these workshops, I have not. Yet.

Cut to one day opening an email from one of those newsletters and seeing this: “Watch Tiny House Nation!  Check local listings!” Sure as shit, I did. A new show about tiny houses? And it has some Clean Sweep elements to it? I am in miniscule home heaven. To the U-Verse! Series Record. Done.

The first episode of Tiny House Nation went all in. It featured a downsizing from 1300 sq ft to 175 sq ft. You read that right. 175 sq ft. Even better it wasn’t just one person downsizing. It was a couple and their two year old. I guess the thinking was they wanted a place that they could put on a “wide load” trailer and take wherever they end up. I believe they will end up in a sanitarium due to the inability to get away from each other…and the toddler.

Yeah, for the toddler they built a cubby hole for her bed and a tiny loft above the bed for her to play. It’s always a good idea to give a toddler a place to play that is far off the ground. To their credit they did provide a railing to climb over.  I feel better knowing that the parents are within two steps at all times in case something goes wrong.

I know I sound like I’m dissing the tiny house right after declaring my love for them but this just seemed like a weird house to kick off the series with. They showed the couple trying to entertain 

two friends in their home but the place was so tiny that the wife had to sit on the bed to eat while the guests sat at a table that only seat on one side. I think my frustration lies in the fact that it will turn people off of the glory that is tiny houses. They will say, “That’s ridiculous” and never consider the petite pad.  I’m sad for them.

The second episode that aired this past week made more sense to me. A couple has a rafting business in the summer and decided to live near the river year round. So they are building a 336 sq ft home with a big deck right alongside the bank. Makes sense, right? Outdoorsy people wanting to cut their commute. Great for that couple…and their two teenagers. Each kid does get their own loft room, although they can only stand up straight in the dead center of each room. The parents have a murphy bed in the main room. Oh no, I’m making it sound bad again. It’s not! They have a crazy big deck. There’s also a mini outdoor kitchen with a pass through window to the inside kitchen. And I’m sure they all purchased earplugs to help with privacy issues.

Both families have been fairly honest about the challenges about moving into a small crib. They enthusiastically love it but so far the common theme has been storage.  Each had hoped that their new home was a TARDIS and was bigger on the inside. The cheerful host John Weisbarth reminds them “no”. He does a little paring down exercise with them. This past week the family had to put everything they wanted to keep into a raft. If it didn’t fit in the raft, it wasn’t going in the house. The river clan got creative and put lots of hooks everywhere on the inside and outside. I wouldn’t be surprised if a little shed appeared next to the house at some point. Then I’d bet one of the teenagers will beg to live in there. The other host, Zack Giffin, built them a smuggler’s hatch in their huge deck.  For storage. Not for a teenager.

Check out Wee Little Living Quarters…I mean, Tiny House Nation on FYI network!

(FYI network? Apparently, it’s the former BIO Channel. I guess someone looked at their programming and realized that they hadn’t had a biography on there in years. Here are some upcoming series on FYI:

Married At First Sight

                Rowhouse Showdown

                World Food Championships

                The Feed

                B.O.R.N. to Style

                Epic Meal Empire

                The Marathon Honeymoon Battle

OK. I made up the last one. But I might be on to something there…)

What better way to celebrate the Fourth of July then to watch a show about super rich American ex-pats in London? Especially when two of them decide to unironically throw a July 4^th party. Even more especially when one of them starts to loudly sing the National Anthem at said party. Then she pulls out some lingerie that was given to her. This causes one of the British London Ladies to be appalled on cue and leave to smoke a cigarette. Which causes the American to follow her and call her rude. And the Brit to call her “special needs”. Then Caprice (!) butts in to defend the Brit and get mad at the other Brit for not being offended for First Brit.

Disclaimer!!! Yes, it is a Real Housewives type show. But lest you think I’m a regular Real Housewives junkie, I have yet to see one second of any of the Real Housewives shows. And to further my defense, it’s not called Real Housewives of London so my record still stands. So what’s the attraction? I love me some London and love, love any chance to get a peak at life there. Even though I know that real life in London does not involve luxury gift businesses with bedazzled office phones.

I feel I should do a proper introduction of the Ladies:

Marissa is the American who is throwing the Independence Day BBQ.  She has thrown a July 4^th party every year; it is sort of her “thing”. Her British restaurateur husband is very supportive, mumbling something like “fourth of July barbeque…for my wife…” She’s been in London a few years and will soon become a British citizen. I wonder how she’ll celebrate next year? Perhaps she’ll throw a party and then an American will make her leave.

Marissa’s co-host, who doesn’t really do anything except drink wine spritzers, is Juliet. She of the Star Spangled Banner and the rant at the rude Brit. Juliet is the brash American that is required for a show like this where a lot of the confessionals center on the differing versions of rudeness and manners. Her run-in with Annabelle at the bbq carried over for at least two episodes. Damn, I just confessed to watching more than one episode.

The offended Brit is Annabelle. She was a good friend of designer Alexander McQueen and is still shaken up by his suicide. That, however, has nothing to do with her spat with Juliet. It was good old fashioned “Americans are uncouth, loud and embarrassing”. Such a cliché. AND I WILL TAKE OFF ALL MY CLOTHES AND YELL THIS FROM A MOUNTAINTOP. So untrue.

Then there’s Caprice(!). She came to London 17 years ago from the US to model sexily and now thinks she’s more British than American. She’s also 7 months pregnant and is expecting another baby through a surrogate.  Her name means “a sudden, impulsive, and seemingly unmotivated notion or action”. That explains why she felt the need to get involved in the Juliet v Annabelle non-event. And the fact that she got mad at Brit Caroline for not getting involved in the non-event.

I’m with Caroline on this one. She doesn’t take sides. Instead, she goes on with her life, reminding me of Doctor Who actress Billie Piper. She might be my favorite London Lady. Sure, Caprice(!) is right and everything is about Caroline but I respect the fact that she doesn’t give a shit.  She also calls herself a secret American and uses heavy sarcasm along with heavy eyeliner. One thing though, I am a little put off by her bedazzled office phone. So much so that you might think the phone figures prominently in every episode. It does not. It was only shown for a split second. 

There’s a supporting Lady who happens to be a real Lady: Julie’s father-in-law is the Earl of Sandwich. She’s also a yoga teacher from outside of Chicago.

Finally, the last Lady of London is Noelle, an American. She is in a relationship with Scott who is at the center of a nasty, tabloidy divorce. He even briefly went to prison because some assets “disappeared” before the divorce trial. He should go to prison for still tying sweaters around his shoulders. Noelle is getting antsy because the divorce has dragged on and she wants to move in together. She is also very keen on being a part of the London social scene. She also has Perma-Pouty Face.

This last episode from Monday had all the gals visit Mapperton House where Julie’s in-laws live. They had a shooting lesson, drank some cream tea, played croquet and dissed each other’s manners and outfits in the interviews. But there’s a definite highlight to the whole episode for me: Juliet asks the Countess of Sandwich if she has seen The Breakfast Club or Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. I ran that scene back because it was so wonderfully out of context. It’s like the editor was me and I saw that footage and thought, “Don’t care! That’s going in!” Thank you, Editor.

And thank you all for indulging my introduction into the rich-women-reality-show arena. Check out Ladies Of London. It goes without saying that it’s “Only on Brah-vo!”