Rss

Been & Going

[Desert Droppings] Salud! An Abundance of Penguins- A Shortage of Limes

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
Loading...
Posted by :Ronni Sims On : April 30, 2014
0

Category: Desert Droppings

Tags:, , , , , ,

I have a friend who is extremely knowledgeable about all things furry, feathery, finny, and slithery. He alerted me to the fact that April 25 was World Penguin Day.  Yippee! Here’s a holiday we can all add to our 2015 calendar.Desert- 043014- cookie
World Penguin Day requires no Divine Intervention. No one gets killed, conquered, or oppressed. No one gets rescued or redeemed.  There are no lengthy rituals to perform or lavish meals to cook.  World Penguin Day is just an enjoy-the-day-however DIY celebration.  Of course you could dress in black, white, and yellow and eat foods like deviled eggs with caviar or those big deli cookies that are frosted in chocolate and vanilla; or have gala gatherings with tuxedos required; and send “Happy WPD” cards; and decorate your lawns and rooftops with inflatable penguins; and if you’re really good, the Great Emperor Penguin will bring you gifts and bless you and…Gaaaaaaaah!  NO!  Don’t get all  Holy/Hallmark/HGTV about it!  Just relax, improvise, and enjoy World Penguin Day without greed and guilt gumming it all up!
Desert- 042814- penguins
Why celebrate penguins? Well, why not?  Penguins don’t devour our crops or spread the plague or gnaw on our garbage or crawl in our cupboards.  We don’t need them for food or feathers. Penguins, in turn, don’t need us for preservation and protection. Left alone, they socialize, migrate, and reproduce in a barren, frozen environment where we can barely survive.
Plus, they’re sooooooo cute!  What’s not to celebrate?
And – a big plus for this year, World Penguin Day festivities didn’t involve a single lime!
Penguins? Limes?  Did we miss something here?
Nope.  Just follow along, folks….
Both The Albuquerque Journal and The Wall Street Journal ( no relation whatsoever except for the word “Journal” which must Desert- 043014- limeabqmean “stuff printed on paper that can also be used to line critter cages”) – both these newspapers featured articles bemoaning the current lime shortage caused by Mexican weather problems and the resulting sky high price of the little green fruit.
Now, limes aren’t a major food group on my nutrition pyramid or pie chart or plate section or whatever graphic the government is using these days to remind us to eat healthy foods.
Remember, “An apple (or lime) a day keeps the insurance companies from bankrupting Medicare by getting reimbursed for pricey tests and treatments for those who’ve  over-indulged for years in the pizza-pretzel-Pepsi-pork rind food group.”

Anyway, for bars and Mexican  restaurants, the “great lime crisis of 2014” is catastrophic. Margaritas and many Mexican foods Desert--043014--wsjlimehave fresh lime juice as a key ingredient. In an effort to reduce fresh lime consumption, bars are even considering the use of pre-squeezed lime juice.  Apparently this is a horrific last resort akin to serving  vegan quinoa gefilte fish at the Passover Seder or “topiggy” soyham at Easter dinner.
Desperate bistros are slicing lime wedges  paper thin and making customers specifically request them with their meals ( and show a picture ID and sign a pledge to squeeze out every drop of juice  and eat the pulp) JK!  JK! (So far)
And to make matters considerably worse, Cinco de Mayo is fast approaching.
Unlike World Penguin Day, Cinco de Mayo (the Fifth  of May)  is a typical “We conquered – Let’s drink’n dine” holiday. This  Mexican festival, widely celebrated in the southwestern US, commemorates “the Mexican army’s victory over French forces at the Battle of Puebla on May 5, 1862.” Wouldn’t you know! Battle, victory, army. Whee! It’s a holiday!
So here we are, 152 years later, glasses raised, facing the unthinkable prospect of a lime-challenged Cinco de Mayo. Viva! Salud! This Bud’s for you. Just doesn’t work!

And lest we overlook a chance to plug ABQ’s vaunted multicultural qualities, may I point out that our favorite Vietnamese restaurant was also caught up in Lime-Gate. (What did those lime-growing Mexicans know and when did they know it?)
As the waitress handed me my take-out Mi hoach hu tieu chay (vegetable noodle soup), she apologized repeatedly that there were no “lems” included. There was Thai basil, cilantro, and hot sauce, but no “lems.”
“Lemons?” I asked.
“No, no! The green ones, lems.”Desert- 043014- nolime
“Oh you mean limes.”
“Yes, yes. No lems today.”
“Ok, no problem, ” I replied blithely, not yet having read The ABQ Journal or The WSJ.
At the market, I discovered that limes which once sold for $.33 were now $.99! I bought a lemon instead.  Sometimes, we (sigh!) just have to make do.

So, save the lime! Raise your mudslides with whipped cream, your vanilla sundaes with dark chocolate sauce, your double stuffed Oreos.  Here’s to our frigid, flightless, friends. Happy WPD!
Mark your calendar apps. World Penguin Day is looking better all the time!

[Desert Droppings] Basketball, Bad News, and Breakfast: ABQ Marches On

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
Posted by :Ronni Sims On : April 2, 2014
0

Category: Desert Droppings

Tags:, , , , , , , , ,

To start off, we’re taking a cue from mega- pharmacy, Walgreens,  purveyor of prescriptions,plus many of life’s pre-packaged necessities from Maalox to mac and cheese mix. Walgreens markets itself as being cozily located “at the corner of happy and healthy.” ABQ has, these past few weeks, been firmly parked at the corner of hapless and hellish.

First March Madness turned to March Sadness as the ABQ-based Lobos men’s basketball team from the University of NM lost to Desert--040214--journallobolower seeded Stanford in Round1 of the NCAA Tournament, a repeat of last year’s tortuous tangle with the Ivy League when the Lobos lost to underdog Harvard. Now, I don’t know a bracket from a brisket, but I follow the Lobos’ seasonal rollercoaster because they’re ABQ’s own and because unlike  neighboring UT, AZ, CO, and TX, NM has no NBA team (or NFL, or NHL, or MLB team). So the Lobos are all-around sports surrogates and they really, really, really try.  Local businesses add “Go Lobos!” to their outdoor billboards and the ABQ Journal relishes reporting their victories and (sigh) the other stuff.
According to the Journal, this year was going to be different. The Lobos had “learned their lessons,” and had a “better mindset,” and had “size and girth.”  This year, the Lobos would take care of “unfinished business”. This year, the Sweet 16. This year…turned out to be just like last year. Lobos 53. Stanford 58. It was Harvard déjà vu.  First year Lobos coach, Craig Neal summed it up- “not a lot of fun, and we’ve been here before.”

Ok. So big basketball bummer there.
And in other news, APD shot yet another questionably dangerous, deranged, disoriented Albuquerquean.  APS proudly announced that 73% of its students graduate from high school. (And that leaves the other 14 uh…35 uh…27% with what- a list of local bus stops near McDonald’s?)
And how about this cheery insert which flew out of the Sunday Journal? The dour faces and profiles of 30 “Most Wanted Property Crime Offenders,” a “paid legal advertisement” from the city of ABQ.  Gee, thanks for the heads-up. I’ll tape it to the fridge. Hmmmm  They don’t look any different from my neighborhood Walgreens customers.

Whew! As Julius Caesar said, ” March is a tough month!”
Even after watching hours and hours of Shoot! Stomp! Stab! In The Walking Dead‘s  Season 4 weekend marathon, the zombie apocalypse still seemed like an exercise in community building compared to the recent grim goings on in ABQ.

Then, Halellujah! I found hope at the supermarket checkout- hefty, glossy wrapped-in-cellophane like a brand new tin of Desert--040214--abqmag2peppermint Altoids,  the April issue of Albuquerque The Magazine. ABQTHEMAG.COM.  YES! SAVED!  Good bye grimy March! Helloooooo daffodilly, marshmallow eggy, bouncy bunny, syrupy sweet April.
Syrup- that’s just what’s dripping off the plump berries atop the huge stack of pancakes on the cover of  Albuquerque The Magazine with its lead article, ” How to Build the Perfect ABQ Breakfast.” That’s my ABQ! Who cares about crime scenes and crushed dreams, when we can immerse ourselves in breakfast! And, look, look! This is just too good. An extra bonus wrapped up with Albuquerque The Magazine- a mini-mag, “New To  ABQ, The Most Unique & Valuable Resource For New
Albuquerqueans.” Is this a gift from the blog gods or what?!

Time to dump those gritty ABQ Journals into the  recycling bin for my zoo docent neighbor to bring to the BioPark for cage liners. Let the critters poop on all that negative news. We’re skipping off to discover “38 Ways to Know You’re an Albuquerquean” and ” Going Organic-Top Tips for Doing It Yourself.”

BTW, Walgreens doesn’t carry Albuquerque The Magazine. Walgreens only carries things that come on the truck.  Whenever I ask Desert- 040214- truckwhy something isn’t in stock at Walgreens, the store people tell me, “It wasn’t on the truck.” It seems that although there is a Walgreens on every major intersection in ABQ, all the merchandise comes on “the truck,” which, if the stars are aligned correctly, arrives on Thursdays or maybe only on the Thursday after Groundhog’s Day. Apparently, in the Walgreens Empire, we are Albuquerquestan- remote, isolated, exotic and worthy only of whatever happens to be on the truck after it’s made its Colorado deliveries.
Walgreens, are you at the corner of clueless and couldn’t- care-less? That’s no way to be an Albuquerquean!  No perfect breakfast for you!

And what does ABQ The Magazine say about about the perfect breakfast?  ABQ chefs and food bloggers share recipes for such morning treats as carnitas omelet, huevos rellenos, and the pancakes featured on the cover which turn out to be cottage cheese latkes! Who knew? “Going Organic…” includes Skarsgard Farms, my favorite organic veggie farm and delivery service. Not a single one of the “38 Ways to Know You’re an Albuquerquean” refers to being shot by police or being a high school drop-out. Even the numerous ads which dot the slick, bright pages are upbeat and tempting including one recruiting candidates for the APD Bomb Desert--040214--bombsquadSquad with Bomb Squad members posing like fashionistas in their protective gear.

All 272 shiny pages of look-how-great-it-is-to-live-here articles make ABQ feel like a dry, high altitude Garden of Eden.
Smile! It’s April! Let’s share some Breakfast Green Chile at the corner of the Bosque Bike Trail and the Rio Grande (That’s “Rhee-yo Grohn-deh” to you newcomers.)

[Desert Droppings] – Spam, Rats, and Pastrami: Food for Thought from the ABQ

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
Posted by :Ronni Sims On : March 19, 2014
0

Category: Desert Droppings

Tags:, , , , , ,

As a finalist in Tesla’s $5 billion battery factory competition, NM is anxiously adjusting her implants, curling her extensions, and Desert-031914-journalstretching her swimsuit just so. “Does this Mesa make my butte look big?” We want that factory soooooo badly (even though NM law prohibits Tesla Motors from selling its cars directly to consumers. Oops!)

Don’t you mind that legal lingo,though, Tesla. A few bucks to the right folks and that law will evaporate quicker than a summer shower on a rocky xeriscaped yard. Just look up there – immense blue sky, lavender mountain sunset, tantalizing whiff of roasting chile. You want it, Tesla. You know you do.

But, so far, no word from Mr. Musk…sigh.

Hey, ABQ and NM, always look on the bright side. We do have a state winner  straight out of Monty Python. An ABQ fourth grader is the 2014 national grand prize  Spam recipe winner in the kid’s division. Her dish, a breakfast concoction called “Nutty Spam Surprise,” combines Spam Classic, eggs, cream,peanut butter, white sandwich bread, and apples for a heart-stopping way to start the day. According to an ABQ Journal “UpFront” article by columnist Leslie Linthicum, this junior chef comes from a whole Spamily. Her kinfolk have garnered “19 Spam contest ribbons” in the past 9 years!  “Nutty Spam Surprise” was inspired by the winner’s grandmother’s
“grilled peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. ”

OK- Time out for transparency! I have never purchased a can of Spam. I have no idea what Spam looks like or how it tastes. As DD fans know, my family reveled in chopped liver, chicken fat, and pickled tongue. Pork products like Spam were not on my grandmother’s menu.

So, in the spirit of online journalistic accuracy, (weird concept, I know) I am now about to open a 12oz. can of Spam Classic.    Desert-031914-spam2Ooooooh! It’s as pink as a piggy’s bottom! The slightly gelatinous block can be easily sliced, cubed, or julienned. The better to mix with mac and cheese as the can suggests, or fried with onions, potatoes, and chile as the young winner’s family does.

Will I fry, bake, or microwave my Spam…or perhaps, toss some cold, bubblegum-hued cubes into a salad?  Sorry, but no. I still don’t eat Spam’s main ingredients, “pork with ham.”
What’s that about anyway, Hormel? I thought ham was a form of pork. It’s like saying,”pasta with Spaghetti-Os,”or  “fish with canned tuna,” or, SEGUE ALERT “rats with gelatin and grape jelly!”

With its 16g of fat, 790 mg of sodium, and 180 calories in a  2oz serving, not to mention its 2year  4 month nitrite-fueled shelf life, Desert Droppings- 031914- ratSpam is the ideal food to keep on hand for the Zombie Apocalypse. And that  brings us to the “rats” featured in this post’s title.
Apparently, live rats make good Zombie snacks – sort of like rodent flavored Beggin’ Strips. Dangle a plump rat by the tail to be slurped up by a voracious Zombie, and you’ve made a rotten friend for life …or un-life….or something.

To avoid revealing this week’s intense episode of The Walking Dead, I’ll say no more.  Except- in the behind the scenes section of The Talking Dead,  we learned that the “rat” was really an “edible prop” made of gelatin and filled with grape jelly. What?!  They’re not real Zom…they’re actors! You knew that, right? Sorry!  Yes, yes, they’re real- every bit as real as …ABQ pastrami.

In the years before I could tell a jalapeño from a habanero, there was pastrami – rich, red, fatty slabs stacked sky high on robust ryeDessert-031914-pastrami slices with sauerkraut- a staple of the Carnegie Deli; sold by the deliciously greasy pound at Zabar’s. Pastrami!
ABQ has no true delis, but when I saw pastrami sandwiches for sale at a local synagogue fundraiser, I brought one home. Between two slices of soft, pre-packaged, straight from the supermarket rye bread, was a clump of cooked meat bits in a dark BBQ sauce. Tasty in a tangy southwestern, meat-bit sandwich kind of way, but one more reminder that ABQ is a long way from Zabar’s…sigh.

Mr. Musk, I hope you like our green chile chicken stew.

[Desert Droppings] Bad Boys, Bad boys, Whatcha Gonna Do in ABQ?

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
Posted by :Ronni Sims On : March 5, 2014
0

Category: Desert Droppings

Tags:, , , , ,

On a recent Sunday, the ABQ Journal, our earnest chronicler of desert doings, devoted page one to the sorry saga of ABQ’s dwindling, crime-ridden downtown. The very next day, the ABQ Journal’s front page headline announced, “Councilors seek to handcuff ‘COPS’ producers.”Desert Droppings- 030414-cops

Holy stupefying disconnect!

It seems that the “Bad Boys” themed reality TV show, “COPS” wants to film in and around ABQ.  ABQ’s mayor and the City Council got all hissy-pissy and want to bar the show from filming or at least from giving even the teeniest weeniest little hint that it was filmed in our not so fair city.
The City Council President declared with a straight face and no eye-rolling that “…the negative light the show [COPS] puts on  Albuquerque could affect economic development, as well as damage the nation’s perception of the city.”
The nation’s what?!
“Hello, nation. What’s your perception of Albuquerque?”Dessert-030414-abq2
“Where?”
“Albuquerque, New Mexico.”
“Is that where they legalized pot?”
“No. That’s Colorado.”
“Oh, what was that place, again? Alba…something…”
etc.

Reality  check, Mr. Mayor and City Councilors.
Someone can’t see the forest for the trees; can’t tell his a** from his elbow; wouldn’t know a stupendous opportunity if it jumped up and bit her on the nose; and every other down-home cliche which shouts, “Wake up and smell the coffee and donuts!”
Look!  You’ve got a cops based reality show eager to do an episode on crime fighting in ABQ…and you’ve got a crime-ridden, commercially crummy downtown.  Hmm?

Ok, Mr. Mayor, et al, let’s try again.
Remember how ABQ went all star-struck and showbizzy about “Breaking Bad?”  From guacamole to the car wash and “Saul’s” office in a shlumpy strip mall, ABQ reveled in its brief burst of being trendy and cool instead of being a dusty  outpost that nobody can spell in a state that doesn’t even have a single pro sports team.
True, “Breaking Bad,” the new “Welcome Back, Cotter,” was fictional, and, of course, there are no meth houses in ABQ (Well, hardly any.  Well, a few. OK! OK! There are meth houses in ABQ! Satisfied?”) But COPS is even better, because it shows our stalwart law enforcement personnel taking real criminals off real streets.  What “Dallas” does for Dallas; what “The Sopranos” did for Jersey, COPS can do for ABQ – make us a household name, a water cooler wonder!

ABQ should be flattered that a real live action-packed TV reality show wants to film here. Do you think COPS bestows its mass media largess on any old sluggish backwater  locale?  No way – unless by “sluggish” you mean a one-time triple ax murder complete with sex slaves and a Ponzi scheme, but barring that, no way! So if COPS chose ABQ, that would put us on the map or on You Tube, for sure.

YO!  You downtown merchants whining about wimpy customers shunning your establishments for fear of “crime,” don’t close up and slink away.  Get on the Bad Boy bandwagon.  Get your money’s worth by just being  where the COPS action is.  Don’t be dismayed by criminal shenanigans on your front stoop.  Profit from them with an “economic development” campaign.  Picture this:
A Murder, Mayhem, and Mugging Tour of every dirty deed COPS captured on tape.  Dub dank, sinister backstreets as stops on the COPS CARAVAN.
Offer foodie fun like a Pastrami-Egg salad-on Rye-with a Pickle (a PERP sandwich).
Sell T-shirts proclaiming, “I didn’t get kicked (or shot or stabbed) on Route 66!”
or “Welcome to KOPS City – Keep Out PerpS!”
or “Bad Boys, this cuff’s for you!”
Give discounts (if you don’t already…just in case…) to Law Enforcement “celebrities” who will mingle,  schmooze, and pose for selfies with the customers in your shop.

And, Candy Lady, in your new Old Town location, how about adding chocolate glocks to your “Adult Room” selection and Desert- 030414-glockwrapping your boxes of truffles in crime scene tape?

C’mon folks.  Don’t bluster and fret about ABQ’s image.  COPS will show the world that “ABQ won’t cave in on crime.”  (Get that on a gross of T-shirts, Bernie!”)

Wise up, Mr. Mayor and City Councilors. Let COPS freely film their sleazy, sensation-seeking hearts out in  (Make sure they spell it right.)  ALBUQUERQUE!
It would be a crime not to.

[Desert Droppings] Marmite and Green Chile (This is a title, NOT a recipe!)

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
Loading...
Posted by :Ronni Sims On : February 5, 2014
0

Category: Desert Droppings

Tags:, , , , , , , , ,

A member of our family is British- a charming chap, who, in addition to being a great cook, can fix, organize, or explain just about anything.  So,  when such a brilliant fellow leaves behind a wee jar  of his favorite condiment, doesn’t it behoove one to sample a spot of it? That’s how I behoove-ably came spoon tip to tongue tip with an intriguing substance called Marmite.

According to the fine print on its little brown jar, Marmite is made of “yeast extract, salt, carrot and onion extract, spice extracts” and a few vitamins. It has none of the ingredients so demonized by the colon-cleansing set like high fructose corn syrup and transfats. Sounds sort of healthy and tangy, right? What could be bad?
I’ve learned to savor hot chile salsa for breakfast and grew up loving my Bubbe’s stuffed kishke, charred onion and chicken fat spread, and boiled cow’s tongue – with a glob of chopped liver and a hunk of gefilte fish for special occasions. So downing a schmear of Marmite should be a piece of cake.  Only Marmite’s not cake. Not even close. Not even in the same galaxy as cake!
Marmite has a curiously pungent taste-at once sharp, bitter, medicinal, herbal, and whattheheck?!- A taste that raises  concerns that the dark, sticky, nearly solid gel in the jar has passed its “Best By” date by decades, maybe even centuries! The label bears the ominous warning, “Spread thinly.”  Distinctly unnerving. In a world where food companies constantly urge you to consume as much of their product as quickly as possible, one small jar of Marmite could easily last until the Patriots stop fumbling the play-offs and win another Super Bowl victory.
The. Marmite label has no merry cartoon figures, no super athletes, or rosy cheeked tots gobbling the stuff down.  There are no cozy recipes  that mingle a dollop of Marmite with canned  cream of mushroom soup, leftover meat bits, Velveeta cheese, and bread crumbs for a Marmite Country Kitchen Casserole.
There is, however, a serving suggestion and I quote,”…for a treat, try Marmite on a crispbread with cottage cheese. ” Does “treat” have some weird alternative meaning in British-speak like “bonnet” or “lift?”  Across the pond, could “treat” mean “hold your nose, grit your teeth, and down stuff like kale and quinoa and Marmite in order to achieve the Boomer dream of everlasting wellness and high testosterone levels”?

Having no crispbread in the cupboard, I spread Marmite (thinly) on rice cakes. A word about rice cakes…Rice cakes, as every Desert-020514-marmitericecaketwo-bit improv wannabee will tell you with a smirk, look and taste like Styrofoam.
Once, while eating plain rice cakes in a break room, I was approached by a co-worker trying to be snidely “helpful.”
“You know, ” she confided, “rice cakes come in chocolate, too.”
When I told her that I was allergic to chocolate, her “caring” facade dropped away like boxes of Wheaties from the gluten-free shelf and she declared emphatically, “I’d rather be dead!”
I left that break room with its blackened guacamole, week-old birthday cupcakes, soggy chips, and dubious dip, and never went back.
Rice cakes bring out everyone’s I’m-so-clever- cute-and-funny side.  Another family member, born in the USA, commented that,”Eating Marmite on rice cakes is the exact opposite of putting lipstick on a pig.”
Now I know  I could get all passionate and Google-up a whole gooey bowl full of Marmite factoids: “Marmite has played a key role in English history since the British Isles were a mere chip off the old tectonic plate.” (I made that one up, but if Wikipedia wants it, jolly good!”)

If you care to delve deeper into Marmite’s viscous depths, delve  away , while I swing over to a hot topic in ABQ- Denver’s pre-game Super Bowl chile gaffe that got the cold shoulder from NM. It seems that as part of the media-marketing  Super Bowl frenzy, Denver’s mayor made a bet with Seattle’s mayor that involved signature local foods like Seattle’s salmon and Denver’s green Green Chile“chili.”  Denver’s what?!  An irate article in  The ABQ Journal (“Seeing  Red Over Denver’s Green Chile Wager” by “Upfront” columnist Joline  Gutierrez Krueger accused Denver of chile “fraud ” and bad spelling. (BTW, it’s NM’s “chile” and not a CO’s ” chili.”)
So, Denver, get your Rocky Mountain (legal) high from some other state’s official vegetable.

You’ve already got Welker, so how about some Boston baked beans!

Marmite and green chile –  DON’T  try this at home!

[Dessert Droppings] Let the Cowchips Fall Where They May

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
Posted by :Ronni Sims On : January 7, 2014
0

Category: Desert Droppings

Tags:, , , , , ,

Blog laws require me to produce a 2013 retrospective and behold, the ABQ Journal arrived with its 2013 Cowchip Awards. Annual Cowchip Awards are a Journal tradition which highlights sick, twisted, tasteless NM happenings from the past year. So before we anxiously move on to brave the potential  pitfalls and downfalls of 2014, I herein present (with personal commentary) choice chunks from the 2013 Cowchip Awards. From the stomach-churning to the heart-warming, meet a selection of award winners.

Uber foodie, Anthony Bourdain, did a “Parts Unknown” segment on NM and falsely accused a classic Santa Fe restaurant of making its signature Frito pie out of “canned Hormel chili” and a “DayGlo orange cheese-like substance.”
This is the same Anthony Bourdain who can smack his lips over flame-roasted scorpion-on-a-stick in some dank jungle outpost that never heard of hand sanitizer and never once accuse the native street vendors of using canned scorpion.
I actually watched that particular Bourdain episode thinking some of my favorite eateries would be featured. I was feeling all flattered that NM cuisine was about to be showcased on national TV. But, no. Bourdain ignored the owl-shaped Owl Cafe’s legendary chili cheese burger; never went near the luscious pies and cakes at The Flying Star; and turned his gourmet gullet away from the green chili chicken stew at The Range.  Instead, a substantial part of the show was devoted to Bourdain squatting in a remote patch of desert, fawning over a group of cowpoke wannabes  who were  preparing a pot of lumpy buffalo goulash over a campfire.  A campfire! NM is withering in the throes of a multi-year drought!  What shmuck would build a campfire amidst the instantly flammable desert shrubs and grasses?
Bottom of the food chain to  you, Anthony Bourdain!

Another winning event:
A public meeting to discuss the mind-numbing topic of ABQ traffic roundabouts turned all pissy and patriotic, when an audience member shouted down the use of the “unAmerican” word “queue” to describe traffic flow.  To reach the meeting, our irate defender of the mother tongue, despiser of a “foreign” word with fewer q’s and u’s than ABQ, had to drive down Lagrima De Oro Road, over Paseo Del Norte Blvd, and west on Avenida Caesar Chavez.

A number of Cowchip Awards went to animals for their loco escapades:
I’ll skip the part about the cow that cut short a bus trip for the Gallup High School track team and get right to the eagle. The noble Dessert Droppings- 010714-eaglebird, lovingly rescued and rehabbed by an ABQ nature center, headed swiftly for the Mexican border on being released, without so much as a “Gracias!” Sure!  Exploit our welfare system and run, will you!  You birds are all the same!

And finally, a Cowchip Award for this hare-raising tale:
An award-winning rabbit was kidnapped from the Southern NM State Fair.  The blue ribbon bunny was found stuffed in a pillowcase on the NM State University campus and returned to his grateful 8- year old owner.
Prints and DNA on the pillowcase led to the arrest of the wascally wabbit-snatcher.  Ha! Ha! JK!  Ever hear of CSI New Mexico?  Neither did I!

Farewell 2013!  Don’t step in the cowchips on your way out!

[Desert Droppings] Walter White’s Guacamole

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
Posted by :Ronni Sims On : November 12, 2013
0

Category: Desert Droppings

Tags:, , , , , ,

For those of you who think Texas is bordered by Arizona, you’re wrong!  Between Texas and Arizona lies a big glump of mostly barren, sparsely populated, possibly radioactive land called New Mexico. Albuquerque, affectionately abbreviated to ABQ, is the largest city in the middle of said glump and not very far from areas that might just glow in the dark. (Oh, hi NSA.  No, no. Just silly me rambling on with light-hearted  stuff for a little ole blog post.  Ha ha. You know me, old and light-hearted.  Just kidding.  Really. Ok…I’ll move on.)
Breaking Bad fans, you heard ABQ (That’s Albuquerque, remember?) and immediately thought of the show, right? Let’s talk. DISCLOSURE – I’ve never seen one single episode of Breaking Bad, not one!  You see, I have the Golden Supreme (i.e. cheapest) cable package and AMC is in the Platinum Premium (i.e. squeeze more $ out) package.  Thanks a lot, Direct TV. Yeah, yeah, I know there are probably ways to download/stream hulu or voodoo or yoohoo Breaking Bad episodes, but I don’t have a 12 year old handy to do that stuff.
So, here’s my celebrity-adjacent claim to fame.  I ate the very guacamole that figured prominently in one of the final season’s shows.  Wait, there’s more!  I bought the guac at the very restaurant where the episode was shot and (pant, pant) bought it from the very waitperson who played “second lady at the bar” and said, I quote, “It was awesome!”  Whoooo…red carpet-adjacent.  Oh, and I have the rare eBayable  “obituary” for  Walter White which appeared in the ABQ Journal (not to be even remotely confused with  The New York Times even though they’re both still printed on paper.)
And guess what I have on my kitchen table under a pile of grocery flyers, junk mail, and Halloween candy wrappers?  A genuine ABQ Journal supplement all about Breaking Bad with an honest-to-goodness map of nondescript places around town which are now famous!  Thanks  Breaking Bad.  Stop by and I’ll show you the car wash, strip mall, sleazy motel, and high school which have been forever touched by stardom like movie sites in the Hollywood Hills.

I’m ready for my close-up now.  Guacamole, anyone?